Welcome back to Boomb Tube, Multiversity’s weekly column detailing the current Cape Cartoons scene. This week, Cyborg fights for his right to have a cute sidekick and Odin throws the worst Father’s Day possible. Spoilers ahead!
Weekly nightmare Teen Titans Go! opened as its won’t to do each week, with its characters randomly fighting someone and either beating them to a cruel pulp or being roughed up in return. The coin landed on tails this week, as The Titans were utterly destroyed by PainBot: a small robot created by Brother Blood for the express purpose of hurting The Titans. Thankfully, Robin throws a Robin-rang which destroys Blood’s controllers (and Blood himself who presumably dies in the resulting explosion) which breaks The Painbot, making it peaceful. It’s a little bit remorseful, unsure of where to go in the life, which brings out my favorite adorable/mournful catchphrase ever: “All I know is pain.” Incredible.
Unfortunately, the rest of the Titans are unable to recognize how adorable Painbot is and force Cyborg to throw it out. This leads into what is, no doubt, my favorite musical number in this show, where Cyborg and Painbot sing about how “all they know is pain.” It’s a mix of melancholy and sorrow that I feel perfectly encapsulates the tone of the show. Honestly, Teen Titans Go! can be completely entertaining when it comes to moments like this, but I’m totally conflicted on it when it comes to complex stories and fleshed out characters. On the other hand, I’m not conflicted when it comes to the ensuing fight between all of the Titans’ “Little Buddies” Cyborg organizes in order to keep Painbot. The Little Buddies, which consist of the adorable animals that’ve made numerous cameos throughout Go! like Raven’s demons and Robin’s literal robin, all fall to the… pain, I guess, of Painbot. In typical TTG! fashion, the victory does not last for long as Painbot, Cyborg’s true friend, is eaten by Silkie.
Even though we’re strapped for choices when it comes to dramatic action cartoons nowadays, I’d like to take this moment to thank Teen Titans Go! for supplying Boomb Tube with its necessary dosage of tragedy.
Final Verdict: 8.2
Over on Avengers Assemble, we’ve given up on reasons for the heroes to fight amongst themselves so Iron Man’s just gonna put Hulk and Thor in some indestructible hand cuffs and see where that takes us. It takes us to Odin showing up suddenly and telling Thor to pack his shit, we’re going home. Smooth plan, Stark. Odin says that Asgard is facing much more substantial threats than Earth and must be protected, which is crazy because right now The Avengers are facing down threats like MODOK and… uh, Attuma and… um another MODOK… yeah Thor should probably just go with Odin. Hulk disagrees though, punching Odin into a wall which prompts Black Widow to leave since she at least has her SHIELD back-up job. It’s a funny moment, though it’d be really cool if Avengers Assemble didn’t reduce their one female character, who will not even appear in some episodes, so lazily. Real talk; Attuma has had more screen time than Black Widow. It doesn’t matter if you don’t care about representation or anything, the fact that we’re putting priority on Attuma over Natasha Romanoff is sign that this show is wrong at its core. Okay, Odin actually ends up being impressed by Hulk’s punch and so Black Widow still hangs around but there was a couple seconds where I thought we were going to have another episode with no female characters and I could not deal.
Anyway, Odin decides to pull a full Frank Reynolds by trying to hang out with The Gang, joining them in a fight against Zzzax, enemy of The Hulk and Autocorrect. In an effort to be just the worst, he imbues ZaxzZ, a creature made of pure electricity, with more energy. This awakens Mangog, who’s trying really hard to win this week’s “Stupidest Goddamn Name” contest who swears revenge upon Odin because who doesn’t want to take on The All-Father? Everyone, as The Avengers demonstrate when Odin challenges them all to fight him right here in Central Park. C’mon, you can do it! I’m young, I’m hip! JUST KICK ME IN THE FACE.
Continued belowBefore anyone can call the nice people with the padded trucks and the sleeved jackets, Mangog jumps out from trees and punches Odin prompting him to tell everyone Mangog’s origin which is booooooring including the following description of Mangog’s weapon which I’ll try to transcribe without subtitles.
“”Rumjuer! Gungejri’s opposite!”
If you know the actual words to what they’re saying then please send them to The Nordic Historical Accuracy Society and keep those translations far away from me.
The Avengers all fight Mangog in that boring way everyone on Marvel cartoons nowadays fight, but Mangog manages to grab Odin’s spear Guegrjinfer, and attach it to Ruerjfmer which creates an ultimate weapon of some kind that gives Mangog the Odinforce. It’d be pretty threatening, except Mangog is some demon thing in in red hot pants and the arrival of a bunch of civilians suddenly watching Mr. Thunder Thighs screaming out “Feel the power!” really takes away any perceivable threats. Thankfully, before Mangog can force the entire world to become part of his short short army, The Avengers beat him back and Odin’s power is returned, which allows him to trap Mangog back in Asgard where they said he was banished from going to earlier? Oh who gives a crap, so long as we don’t have to look at his unseemly thighs. Satisfied with his sons’ friends’ abilities to kick ass, Odin approves of Thor’s choice to stay in Midgard which prompts Hawkeye to treat Odin to Coney Island Hot Dogs at what is presumably 11 PM.
Three things wrong with that:
1.) Don’t go to Coney Island at 11 PM.
2.) It’s Nathan’s Hot Dogs not Coney Island Hot Dogs.
3.) Never treat anyone to Nathan’s Hot Dogs as a reward. You see the people who eat those things competitively? Those meat tubes are work.
Final Verdict: 6.7
