Boomb Tube: Live Kree or DIE HARD!

Welcome to Boomb Tube, where all of your favorite super hero cartoons and Ultimate Spider-Man recapped on a weekly basis! This week: The Avengers star in the greatest Die Hard sequel ever. Spoilers ahead!

At the beginning of this week’s episode, Black Panther had just flew into the sun to save the solar system, The Avengers and Captain Marvel (the fourth one you’re thinking of) are trapped between a Kree Armada and a hard place, and The Falcon keeps wondering why no one will answer his calls. Ms. Marvel decides that fighting off an army of alien super soldiers is not the best idea so she crashes the Quinjet into Hala, the Kree homeworld. The Avengers get split up into two groups, one in the outskirts and one in the middle of the city. Both groups are then faced with creatures threatening to savagely murder the heck out of them since the only pastimes on Hala are murder and squinting at Skrulls. Both groups of Avengers fight back as well as you’d think they would, until the group containing Captain America, Wasp, Ms. Marvel, Captain Mar-Vell, and some guy from SWORD are kidnapped and taken to the Kree Supreme Intelligence. Wasp reacts appropriately by vomiting.

As you would expect, the Supreme Intelligence is having none of it. Mar-Vell, meanwhile, tries to convince the Supremor that humans are totally great, because they’re still evolving, unlike the Kree, and are genetically adaptable, as seen in Carol, Janet, and Steve’s powers. The Supremor agrees and demands the prisoners be immediately and painfully experimented on, because Kree are only good at killing stuff, not negotiating releases. Elsewhere, the other Avengers are still punching creatures when they’re saved by the greatest, most powerful hero in Marvel canon.

Black. Freaking. Panther.

After firing his ship into the sun, Black Panther was able to teleport himself to safety using the ship’s Improbablity Drive. He then hijacked a Kree ship to rescue the Avengers and get high-fives from everyone. They then go to the Supremor palace to rescue  the rest of the Avengers and have a showdown with the Supreme Intelligence. The Supremor has the upperhand for the first half of the battle until everyone else remembers that he’s just a giant head in a jar and beat him up accordingly. Mar-Vell then takes up the leadership of the Kree empire into a new age of peace with no opposition at all, surprising considering that the Kree are a militant civilization with a history of destroying other civilizations dating back centuries and Mar-Vell is a traitor who just showed up. That’ll turn out great. The Avengers then fly back home remarking on how awesome they are, certain that they will never get cancelled.

Next week: The Avengers get cancelled!

About The AuthorJames JohnstonJames Johnston is a grizzled post-millenial. Follow him on Twitter to challenge him to a fight.

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