The Rulk Stands Revealed – Now What?

Remember this guy? The Rulk is one of the only characters alive who is almost entirely mutually loathed, if only for his complete lack of any kind of redeeming qualities. Created a little over two years ago in Hulk #1 by Jeph Loeb and Ed McGuinness, the Rulk has been a boon for Marvel’s sales department and the bane of the internet fanboy community. I would wager mostly because we didn’t know who he is. Well, that and all the stupid things his character did like fight Thor on the moon and punch out the Watcher.

So if you read Hulk #22 this week, you’ll know that the evil and manipulative red being of Watcher-punching terror stands vulnerable and revealed at the end, ready for his origin story in next month’s issue. Only problem is… after all this time, does it make sense?

Let’s find out.

NOTE: Thanks to the wonderful work of staff writer Walter Richardson, this article has been updated with a SHOCKING REVEAL!

As an additional note – and this should be obvious – spoilers are discussed heavily, including spoilerific images found via Google searches.

World War Hulks is raging. Banner is taken out, and the Rulk is facing off against a large series of recently formed Hulks made up of the Avengers and the Fantastic Four. Rulk is ultimately put up against the Red She Hulk, who brutally beats him up to the point that he finally depowers, only to reveal:

Now, as far as we knew, Ross was dead. Supposedly, the Red Hulk killed him in issue #600. It was during a completely random fight scene that we never saw between issues. Well, I guess it was all a ruse created by Banner and Ross to take Ross out of the picture and allow for the two to work together instead of at odds. Well, alright.

Except for two things. Two things that I find rather disconcerting in a “what the Hell, how does this make sense?” way. So allow me a moment of your time, friends. I have two images that I picked up on the internet, and I have an overwhelming urge to share it with you on Multiversity!

Problem #1: Ross and Rulk have appeared together.
This to me seems very basic. If you have two characters showing up on the same page, they can’t be the same people. If you then make them out to be the same people later, you’re being a jerk! A teasing jerk! In the finale of Hulk #6, after most of us thought Rulk could possibly be Samson or Ross, but both appeared to yell at Rulk, who was lying unconscious at the time.

Now, I will give you this – it is possible that this is supposed to be a “dream sequence” of sorts. Perhaps Ross is arriving out of Rulk’s subconscious to demean him. Maybe that explains the lack of “feet” and how Ross disappears in that one panel. Granted, that makes little to no sense considering Ross says that he is on his own now, but it would generally make a little bit more sense considering we know that the Intelligencia is what created the Rulk – or something like that. But even so, am I the only one here that thinks that this is a tad ridiculous?

Oh, and can I just mention one more thing? I can? Cool. If you scroll to the top of this article, you’ll see one of the covers to issue #1 where Rulk first began appearing. You’ll notice that the giant Rulk is standing over a silhoutted man with a question mark, and there are various characters around him. Take a look in the lower left hand corner and see if anyone looks familiar for me, ok? Thanks.

Of course, this has nothing to do with the greatest and most ridiculous notion of all:

Problem #2: MUSTACHE.
LOOK AT ROSS’ FACE IN THE RULK REVEAL. DO YOU SEE THAT MUSTACHE?! That thing is practically eating his face off! If that mustache were any bigger, he’d have to get a license for it as a deadly weapon! Hell, I bet that if Ross ever met Ron Swanson, they’d be forced to battle.

Now, look at the image I’ve attached here. This is the first big reveal of the Rulk, in which he attacks the Helicarrier and beats up She-Hulk. Look at his face. Look very long and very hard. In fact, scroll to the top of this article, and look at the image I attached to the previous problem. Where is the mustache?

I am willing to give Loeb the previous one if my suspicions about a dream sequence or subconscious is correct. He can have that one! But gamma radiation causing a mustache of that size and ferociousness to disappear? That makes no sense.

Now, I’ve gone ahead and ripped apart the Rulk before. Rulk has never made sense. He stole Banner’s ability to Hulk out. He rode Silver Surfer’s surf board somehow and made lewd remarks. He punched out the Watcher! But you know what? At the time, it was “ok” because, to a certain extent, we can acknowledge a character who was crappy from the start to remain crappy through out. The Rulk does all this ridiculous stuff, but what can we really expect? It’s not like it’s poor characterization of someone or anything. It’s just Rulk being Rulk.

Now, it’s Ross being Rulk. It’s Thunderbolt Ross, a character that I could respect, is now one of the dumbest characters in comics. Ross is a four star general in the Army, which is no easy feat, and the man has dedicated himself to a cause. Granted that cause is to knock out Bruce Banner due to his hatred of the Hulk and all that crap with Betty, but he made for a good foe. In fact, Ross is one of the most respectable “villains” in the entirety of the Marvel U due to the fact that, despite him being Hulk’s main antagonist, he’s not a villain in the traditional sense. We don’t hate him like we do the Red Skull. At least, until now. Until we knew that after all this time, he is this uber powerful walking deus ex machina of a character that is known as the Red Hulk. Until we knew that Thunderbolt Ross, who is a four star general, has never had more fun than riding on the Silver Surfer’s surf board. At least, not with his clothes on.

What it ultimately boils down to is that Hulk #22 is a perfect example of the ACTUAL Fall of the Hulks. Hulk is an odd character, and you may not think there is a lot that could be done to make a compelling story with him, but it is possible. Heck, even Loeb can do it with Hulk: Gray with Tim Sale. However, what Loeb has managed to do with his run on Hulks is make everyone that ever mattered in the Hulk universe a Hulk, essentially. Samson is hyper powered and grows long hair when he’s evil, Rick Jones is A-Bomb the Blue Hulk, Betty is a Red She-Hulk, and now Ross is the Rulk. What is going on here? Why are we playing this game still?

We vote with our dollar, and clearly the Hulk books are still selling well. That’s fine. People are reading this and they’re enjoying it, and honestly? More power to them. Read what you like. But what I fear is that, through this, we are inevitably setting a bad precedent for modern mainstream comics, and that is that even if the story is bad, as long as they sell they’ll be put out. Marvel has the ability to stop this. They have had the ability to stop this for quite some time. Same with the Deadpool on-going series! All they have to do is say, “you know what? This is kind of stupid.” Yet now we have too many Hulks to count on both hands, and after two years of debates, the Rulk ends up being the least creative choice imaginable.

That’s what I suppose some of my annoyance boils down to. It doesn’t matter that Ross is Rulk ultimately, but it does stand to prove that books that lack honest creativity will still be good out there on the market. Casting Ross, and even Betty, as super powered Hulks in a new color proves that it doesn’t take much to come up with a Michael Bay esque comic book. “Ok… we’re going to bring in a Red Hulk, but really, instead of being a new villain – or even reinventing an old classic villain in new ways – it’s just going to be Ross! Who will be present the whole time. And then Betty will randomly come back and be a Red She-Hulk! It’ll be brilliant!” Well, you know what? This isn’t Xorn, the friendly teacher suddenly turning out to be the homicidal maniac super villain who died in the first issue. This is Ross, the guy who has always been an asshole to the Hulk finding out that the only way to beat the Hulk is to be the Hulk. Except more powerful, and with mustache disappearing powers.

Ah well. Rulk, can you punch us out?

UPDATE

I’d like to, if you will, put us in a time travel machine. I want to go back to the year 2005. It was a pretty good year for comics, but now it is an even better year for supreme lulz. Why? Because this is the year Earth-52300 was invented. This world was the primary location of a What If? story written by Peter David, with art by Pat Olliffe. “What was this story called?” you ask. Well, rather than tell you, I will show you:

How do you like that! And the best part of that image?

Hulk Ross has a freakin’ mustache. Mr. Loeb, I believe you Mr. David an apology here.

Thanks to Walt for the heads up on this, and good night, folks!