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    How A Wonder Woman Movie CAN Be made

    By | September 29th, 2009
    Posted in Columns | % Comments

    Over the years, Many people have tried to adapt the last third of the DC Trinity into a movie property, passing through various hands including the always amazing Joss Whedon. And while even he eventually dropped the project like a bad habit, it really can’t be that hard to translate her into a lucrative franchise like the recent Batman films. And to quote OJ, “if I did it, here’s how I would do it.”

    First off, I think the problem with a lot of comics properties is that they don’t hire comics writers to adapt the books. I love Superman Returns, but a lot of others didn’t. And it’s not hard to see why. There weren’t a lot of worthwhile risks taken with the movie(using Lex Luthor…AGAIN.) and some risks taken that never should have been(Superman, Jr.). what you need is someone like Gail Simone, who is currently writing Wonder Woman and is probably one the best writers on the DC roster to pen the screenplay. she clearly hears the voice of Wonder Woman in her head and knows how to write a great story that anyone can enjoy, and relate to.


    A hero is only as good as his or her villain. Batman would not be as famous as he is now if it weren’t for the deliciously evil Joker. Superman has the big businessman/mad scientist everyone loves to hate. The X-Men have Magneto. These are all iconic villains almost as famous as their counterparts, if not just as famous. The thing about Wonder Woman, her most iconic villains are Nazi’s. And that sucks.

    Now I’m not saying Nazi’s a terrible villains, because they aren’t. If you ever need an easy bad guy, make him a Nazi. There are already like two or three Captain Nazi’s. So why not? Because they’re dated. And inserting Wonder Woman into World War II makes her dated. She’s based on Greek Myth right? So like Hercules and Xena before her, let’s make a badass Greek God the villain. Like Ares or his Uncle Hades. The God of War or the God of the Underworld are both tried and true big bads who ran amok even in the Greek Myths of old. Even the great Hercules in the DCU is a dick. With the proper tuning, Cheetah, probably her most famous non-Nazi antagonist, could be the avatar of some terrible mad god. My point is, Superman would suck if he didn’t have someone who could believably stand up to him. Wonder Woman needs a believable foil as well.

    Let’s face it. Her costume is horrible. It’s OK for comics, but it’s just terrible for adapting to the screen. She’s a Greek Warrior, right? So let’s take a page out of Donna Troy’s playbook and model the movie Wonder Woman after her look from the One Year Later reboot. Her silly star briefs were replaced by a skirt worn by Greek Soldiers in ancient myths. Her top, while still bearing her logo, also looks appropriately like an armored breastplate.

    I think altering the costume in such a way also opens up the movie for international audiences. Part of the problem with the suit is that it’s a great symbol for Americans, but across the world, people wonder why someone from Greek Myth is wearing the colors of the Modern United States. Sure there are explanations and rationalizations, but they’re all as believable as a KanYe West apology. She needs to be closer to Thor, not Captain America.

    Everyone seems to want Megan Fox to play Wonder Woman. Hell, everyone seems to want her to play any superhero with a vagina. I say NO. Stay the eff away. The girl cannot act, and she just looks dirty. I was watching an episode of Attack of the Show!(one of my favorite shows mind you) and they asked viewers who should play Supergirl. The overwhelming response was Megan Fox. And I about gagged. It’s no secret I have a soft spot for anyone wearing the iconic S, and it’s also no secret I hate Megan Fox. But I digress.

    Continued below

    Jessica Biel was offered the role, but declined. Thank God.
    I mean, she’s hot, but it takes more than a nice body and a six pack to play Diana

    There are quite a few known actresses who might do well, but I say we need a talented unknown to fill the role. Like Superman and now Thor(a five minute cameo in Star Trek barely counts) before her, such iconic roles need to be reserved for someone without any excess baggage. The suspension of disbelief is essential for such fantastical characters, and when you have someone like, oh…say, Catherine Zeta-Jones, you’re picturing you roles in the past. Hugh Jackman was largely unknown before X-Men. Can you imagine if, say, Tom Cruise (who is of a more appropriate height) were Wolverine? DO. NOT. WANT.

    In closing, I do know that these steps are a challenge. But every movie presents it’s challenges. I can only hope that with the new DC Entertainment set up, we’ll see the Amazonian Princess on the silver screen where she belongs.

    Gilbert Short

    Gilbert Short. The Man. The Myth. The Legend. When he's not reading comic books so you don't have to, he's likely listening to mediocre music or watching excellent television. Passionate about Giants baseball and 49ers football. When he was a kid he wanted to be The Ultimate Warrior. He still kind of does. His favorite character is Superman and he will argue with you about it if you try to convince him otherwise. He also happens to be the head of Social Media Relations, which means you should totally give him a follow onTwitter.