This week, Boomb Tube returns to full force with Beware the Batman, Avengers Assemble, Teen Titans Go!, and Hulk and the Agents of SMASH. Read more below!
Nowadays, most of the shows we review on Boomb Tube are the Marvel shows or Teen Titans Go! As such, Beware the Batman has become the stiff drink I need to take before delving into this column each week. It’s not the best cartoon to ever air, but it’s certainly worth your time. This week, Katana, having recently been let in on Bruce’s Batmanny Secert, joins Bruce on patrol as… Katana. Huh. Anyway, there’s a great scene where Bruce tells her to suit up and all she does is put on a domino mask since that’s all she needs to fight. A partner who actually knows what they’re doing is something rarely seen in Batman mythos, so it’s really refreshing to see here. Anyway, Tobias Whale is arrested by Batman but he has teenage Barbara Gordon when Jim doesn’t let him walk free. From there, Batman and Gordon team up to find Barbara who’s being hidden by a strange gang called “The Ghosts” in Gotham’s Cauldron. No, it’s not the Tommy Monaghan Cauldron. That would be too incredible.
Anyway, Batman arrives at The Cauldron to find the man holding Barbara hostage: Tobias Whale’s lawyer, Match. Oh! Like Matches Malone right? No. Like a guy who can set himself on fire because he’s actually Phosphorus Rex from Batman and Robin. Oh! Well that’s pretty hardcore! It is. And it gets more hardcore when Katana arrives by driving a car into a human torch’s face. Seriously, this is the best show. Gordon had arrived with Tobias in exchange for Barbara, but just leaves a defeated Whale at the Cauldron because due process doesn’t mean that much anyway. Also, Barbara has a really great scene where she geeks out over Batman but doesn’t know who the sword lady is. Katana nonchalantly states her name with a little smile, and seriously if we could have a Batman/Katana team-up like this in the comics, the New 52 would improve by a hell of a lot.
Final Verdict: 8.2 – Really solid show with a great dynamic that’s hardly been seen.
Over on Avengers Assemble, The Avengers are fighting a monster and The Hulk, who is characterized here as an catchphrase spouting raging behemoth, gently caresses the monster and realizes it’s running from something. This gives The Avengers enough time to prepare within the three seconds it takes for them to turn around and see a giant tidal wave about to crash down on Manhattan. Jeph Loeb’s dream has come true. He’s finally adapted Ultimatum for children’s’ television. Attuma is attacking New York City with his Atlantean army and in all honesty if we’re talking about Attuma and Atlantis and Namor is nowhere to be seen, there is no reason for your story to exist. Take Namor away from Marvel’s Atlantis, and nearly all of the intrigue in the story is taken away. Anyway, The Avengers chase Attuma as he iceskates on the water of the sewers, and try to stop Manhattan from sinking to the ground. They eventually do, with the help of Iron Man’s “Rubber Ducky” underwater armor which is too ironic to be enjoyable, and the day is saved. The Avengers then celebrate Hulk as the Avenger of the month for his help during the mission but ohhhh noooo! He’s in the kitchen! Eating all of the fooood! I don’t know who let Happy Harry ironically write this series, but I thank them for it.
Final Verdict: 4.2 – Namor or GTFO.
Teen Titans Go! continues the tale of a superhero team with the sole purpose of psychologically terrorizing its members when Cyborg makes a machine that shows who each member is destined to fall in love with. Beast Boy ends up with Raven who reluctantly falls in love with him, about to marry him as a form of surrender to the forces of fate. Starfire, meanwhile, gets Aquaman which would have turned out even better if it was the one from Brave and the Bold. Not just using the same voice actor, I mean literally the same Aquaman: with a beard, different art style and everything in the middle of Teen Titans Go! Robin tries to win Starfire over by doing Aquaman stuff like covering oneself in fish guts which does nothing but make Cyborg scream humorously. Later, at Raven and Beast Boy’s wedding, which everyone attended including Starfire’s new beau, Aquaman, who is completely fine with dating someone on a team with the word “Teen” in it. Cyborg reveals at the last minute that the machine never worked; Beast Boy is supposed to end up with a cat-scratching post. BB then proceeds to ravish said post, which is the absolute worst way to leave someone at the altar. Starfire receives a similar result, and leaves Aquaman for another cat-scratch post. Aquaman and Robin then cry in each other’s arms, both so desolate at their romantic loss. If only… they could look into each other’s eyes… feel the firmness of their grasp… realize what could be…
Continued below“R…Robin-kun…”
Final Verdict: 7.4 – Kind of funny, but still pretty darn shallow.
Speaking of shallow, Hulk and the Agents of SMASH. In this episode, The Agents of SMASH are climbing a volcano when it begins to erupt. The volcano has the potential to destroy the nearby town but the team saves the quaint city of Vista Verde (UGH) with all the excitement of the Rescue Heroes. Green Hulk almost immediately identifies this as a result of shenanigans in The Savage Land because here he’s a wise dad and not the catchphrase-monster from Avengers Assemble because… reasons? Anyway, a quick trip to the Savage Land reveals that Sauron (the pterodactyl scientist, not the interesting Sauron) has been causing earthquakes and eruptions with his ARMY OF DINOSAURS. Speaking as someone who got halfway through writing a fan-fiction scene between Robin, Aquaman, and a shoujo manga, this is too ridiculous for me. You know what’s really ridiculous though? Teenage rebellion! Green Hulk and Red Hulk fight over who should mentor Seth Gree- I mean A-Bomb and they just have a passive-agressive fit through the whole episode. It’s not exciting in any way. They eventually all stop Sauron and decide that Seth Green, at the age of 40-something, is a young adult and can make his own decisions. This whole show has a very misleading title. Hulk and the Agents of Family Matters didn’t screen that well with test audiences.
Final Verdict: 2.3 – Abysmal. Such a boring show that does not go anywhere near its potential.
