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    Boomb Tube: Magic Bomb

    By | April 1st, 2014
    Posted in Columns | % Comments

    Welcome back to Boomb Tube, Multiversity’s weekly column detailing the current Cape Cartoons scene. This week, The Titans sell one of their friends to a moth monster, The Avengers probably fight The Cabal, and Hulk and the Agents of SMASH returns to bring some magic into our lives. Spoilers ahead!

    In what’s probably the most relatable Teen Titans Go! opening yet, Beast Boy Cyborg and Robin are at a concert. Or at least hanging outside the venue because they can’t afford tickets. And they get food from the snack bar that’s actually a strange man in a  dumpster. Like I said, relatable and with Cyborg’s line “We only had to pay FREE.99!” the most stupidly funny scene in the entirety of Teen Titans Go! They could sincerely have just stopped right here. Sitting in the trash (this episode is just like my life), they find a missing pet poster made by Killer Moth for Starfire’s adopted worm thing Silkie. Cut to Starfire bathing Silkie on Titans’ couch with her tongue in an effort to give the internet something to easily photoshop. Starfire’s line to Raven “I have found [the tongue] is the most effective way to evacuate stubborn gunk” isn’t even trying, nor is the following minute where Starfire straight up swaps… some kinda fluid with Silkie. Somehow. The scene where the male Titans sneak into Starfire’s room while she’s asleep to steal Silkie and up taking hisMissing” poster is less creepy than this segment and for that I have to commend the creators of Teen Titans Go for… something…

    Over at Killer Moth’s headquarters (which is a straight up hive hanging from a bridge) the villain’s preparing to invade the world with his moth army when the Bro-Titans straight up plow through his army in a jet, killing everyone before smashing into his hive. I kind of decried this when the series first landed but nothing, nothing I say, is making me happier right now then the constant moral absence in all the characters, especially when they crash a jet right into a guy’s lair so they can literally sell their friend. With all this new money they have no idea what to do until they literally say they’ll just do what Scrooge McDuck does and swim in money. They even play a bastardized version of the DuckTales theme song. Really criticize Go! all you want but you can’t fault it for its sheer shamelessness.

    You can also fault it for its excessive tongue action, as Starfire copes with Silkie’s loss by trying to lick Raven’s gunk. Um. Yeah. Eventually they calm down and go confront Killer Moth who’s giving Silkie tummy rubs before putting him into a vat that’ll transform Silkie into a deadly creature. As soon as Starfire says anything, Killer Moth just throws him into the vat like any good parent would. Unexpectedly, Silkie comes out as what I can only describe as a giant kawaii silkworm with a voice that sounds like a mix of Bubbles from Powerpuff Girls and GIR from Invader Zim that screams that it loves everyone, grabs Raven and Stafire, takes them on a triptastic journey through real footage of the sky before the narrator declares that Starfire and Silkie went on to have many other adventures.

    Final Verdict: 8.7 – I’m not sure if this was an episode but… it was an experience alright.

    Hawkeye’s decided to hold a dodgeball training session on Avengers Assemble to remind us that his abilities go beyond archery or something. Honestly, it’s a really cool scene visually with a lot of POV shots from the dodgeball as it collides into people’s face and the shot where Iron Man blasts a ball so that the deflated plastic will land on Cap and strike him out is pretty great. Clint says he’s perfect which Cap wrongly disagrees to, saying he can’t account for the randomness of human actions. Tony, a jerk, takes up the challenge to create a probability engine which will “allow them to account for everything!” Then Hyperion bursts through one wall, through the Hulk, and then out the other hole. It is currently Avengers Assemble‘s Best Moment™.

    Continued below

    In Avengers Assemble‘s Worst Moment™, Attuma shows up for what’s like the third week in a row. I joked before that he gets more screen time than Black Widow but considering that she just suddenly drops into the episode without any introduction I’m sad to say I may be right. The Avengers defeat Attuma and Hyperion after the latter places a tracker on Hulk. Back at the tower, The Avengers locate a signal coming from The Cosmic Cube Tesseract which is intercepted by Red Skull’s tracker. Then he, in pure swag style, just rises up in his jet from the East River (which bee tee dubs isn’t really visible from Avengers Tower assuming the latter’s somewhere in Midtown like the movie implied) and flies off in style.

    What follows is a chase on The Cabal by The Avengers which is pretty unremarkable. Essentially, they fight The Cabal on their ship while yelling at Tony and asking if his “probability drive accounted for THAT.” Really passive aggressive guys, poor teamwork. Said poor teamwork results in Red Skull getting his hand on The Cosmic Cube Tesseract, gloating that Iron Man’s downfall was believing in his numbers. The Cabal kicks ass and then launches two barrages of cosmic-powered missiles towards Nevada and California. Even though Tony believes he can only save one state (It’s Nevada. Always. Save. Nevada), Cap splits the teams up to take out both missiles because hey they’re heroes, remember? In what’s actually a really cool scene that calls back to the episode’s intro, Tony throws Hawkeye his repulser glove and he shoots down the missiles with his weird accuracy skills. Even though California’s saved (ugh) The Red Skull has the Cosmic Cube (no more fighting it, that’s what it’s called) which actually gives some sort of threat to the much maligned Cabal.

    Still need to get rid of Castlevania Dracula though. Dude’s game is weak.

    Final Verdict: 7.4 – Hey the plot actually picked up this week. Not as crazy as Planet Doom but still pretty neat.

    The Agents of Smash are allowing A-Bomb to perform a magic show in an effort to patronize both him and Seth Green. Naturally, it’s terrible. So Hulk, wanting to help A-Bomb learn magic so he can be of some use, enlists the help of Doctor Strange who just got back from adjusting his Death Note cosplay. A-Bomb, impatient whelp he is, immediately sets forth on trying to mess everything up until Doctor Strange just gives hims a mop and tells him to clean up for a while. Eventually that works, as A-Bomb begins to learn some spells from the formations in a puddle of water. I don’t know if that was part of Strange’s plan or he just plain slipped A-Bomb something but here we are.

    A-Bomb rushes into Dr. Strange’s room to brag only to interrupt his spell and cause him to get dragged into a portal by Dormammu. Nice. With the help of The Hulks, A-Bomb manages to BS his way into opening a portal to Dormammu’s dimension where he’s fighting Dr. Strange. A-Bomb also keeps the portal open, allowing Dormammu to escape into our world, making A-Bomb’s actions in this episode the most unfortunate thing since the bubonic plague. Dr. Strange has been weakened by Dormammu so can’t do anything, instead telling A-Bomb to use the spells he learned during his training. Considering A-Bomb just sort of looked at a puddle and then immediately got Strange trapped in a hell dimension, this might not be the best plan. Thankfully, it pays off when A-Bomb prevents Dormammu from bursting through a window into New York by… extending the hallway so he can never reach the end? Even though there are windows to the side he can jump through too?

    ???

    I may have been disappointed with A-Bomb’s actions before but gottaa admit I’m loving the Super Mario 64 throwback.

    Anyway everyone pushes Dormammu back into the portal and agree to never let A-Bomb do magic again. Or anything, really. Dude is a mess, and that’s coming from someone who writes about cartoons on the blogosphere.

    Final Verdict: 5.3 – I love Doctor Strange but this was such a weird waste of his time and mine.


    //TAGS | Boomb Tube

    James Johnston

    James Johnston is a grizzled post-millenial. Follow him on Twitter to challenge him to a fight.

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