Welcome back to Boomb Tube, where we discuss all your favorite Cape Cartoons! This week, Beware the Batman takes a breather leaving us with Ultimate Spider-Man, Teen Titans Go!, and Avengers Assemble. Read below the cut for more!
Ultimate Spider-Man starts off this week with the return of Norman Osborn who I was a hundred percent sure still a Green Goblin last time he showed up. Now, he’s playing a holographic Yu-Gi-Oh game with his son and Peter, who’s spying on Osborn for SHIELD. Norman leaves the room, which leads to Peter suspecting that he’s up to more Goblin shenanigan, only to find Osborn putting on an Iron Patriot costume because… they don’t actually say he jut sort of has it. Ah well, he’s the Iron Patriot in the comics too so it won’t cause much confusion right? Oh the new Iron Patriot series is gonna have Rhodey? Ah who cares, kids probably shouldn’t be reading Ales Kot books anyway. Iron Osborn flies off and fights the Fearsome Four while Drake Bell Spider-Man talks for a solid two minutes about how crazy it is that Norman’s pulling off Iron Man and Captain America’s style. Crazy right?! Anyway, Norman Osborn turns out to have turned around and is totally not pretending to be good to gain Spider-Man’s trust, as every character states. Eventually, Spider-Man catches Norman Osborn breaking into his own lab where it turns out that Doctor Octopus has finished cloning that Evil Spider-Man army the writers forgot about for a season. Norman and Peter do the obligatory team up, defeat Doc Ock and after a debriefing from Nick Fury the episode… ends?
Wow Norman Osborn is actually a good guy now. Bold move, I think, Ultimate Spider-Man.
I’d really like to point out the highlight of this episode: Harry Osborn walking in on Spider-Man and Iron Patriot with a line that I think has been in every single appearance Harry has ever made. “Hey Dad! I brought you pizza! Gasp! What’s that suit you’re wearing? SPIDER-MAN?!” I’m pretty sure James Franco said that line at least three times in each Raimi film.
Final Verdict: 7.0 – Hey they actually tried some boldish changes here! Plus the Spider-Ninja scene was neat.
Meanwhile, Teen Titans Go! went from being the most pedestrian show when it started, to being the absolute raddest this week. Turns out that Robin, deranged maniac and occasional leader, instilled a new rule where every Monday is Motorcycle Monday and crime is only allowed to be fought with motorcycles. That’s fantastic, and a great way for Cartoon Network to cater to the Sons of Anarchy crowd. Unfortunately, Robin’s motorcycle shenanigans make him too cool for villains to fight, leaving Robin without an arch-nemesis. Starfire steps in to act as a villain, putting on some Blackfire cosplay she had lying around, and drinks milk out the carton for a minute or two. Then she destroys the actual moon and builds an army of deadly robots. I love this show. Robin and Starfire have a showdown in which Robin is severely beaten until he remembers a crucial fact: it’s Motorcycle Monday. Then, Robin jumps on a motorcycle, punches Starfire in the face with the front wheel, and rides off laughing maniacally. I love this show.
Final Verdict: 8.1 – Such a silly show, but so fun.
Finally, Avengers Assemble featured the debut of The Impossible Man who grew an instant infatuation with The Falcon. Glad I’m not the only one. The Impossible Man has The Falcon fight The Wrecking Crew, who have grown to become the stand-in “Someone is Destroying New York but it’s Not That Big a Deal” threat for every Marvel character. The Impossible Man is filming a movie about The Avengers and wants Falcon to be the main star which, again, is something I completely identify with. From there, The Impossible Man does traditional Bat-Mite style fourth-wall breaking hijinks until The Avengers realize The Impossible Man is being chased by the aliens from the Avengers movie. From there, the rest of the episode turns into a straight-up shot-for-shot remake of the final twenty minutes of The Avengers, just with The Falcon and Impossible Man thrown in, any of the thrills removed, and Black Widow saying crap like “That’s what being a team is all about.”
I get that this cartoon was created solely because the movie was so popular and Marvel didn’t want their Avengers cartoon to confuse new viewers by including The Vision. Believe me, I get it; I don’t want children being exposed to The Vision either. Still, how presumptuous do you have to be to make your last act a reference to the movie you’re already referencing by trying so hard to be. This episode isn’t even a parody episode, it’s just acknowledging it’s status as a knock-off imitation of the Joss Whedon movie. If I was a small child, I’d be furious. I already saw The Avengers, and I’m devoting my time between naps and sippy juices to an Avengers cartoon filled with stuff I already saw? Do you know what small child me could have been doing instead of watching your show? I could have been playing Pokemon! It’s because of Avengers Assemble that children all over lost countless half hours playing Pokemon X & Y. No, I’m not crying at my 3DS. Don’t look at me.
Final Verdict: 5.1 – Mediocre.
