Welcome to Boomb Tube, where all of your favorite TV shows and Ultimate Spider-Man recapped on a weekly basis! This week: Phil Coulson and Aunt May! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Spoilers ahead!
This week on Green Lantern: The Animated Series, some of the episodes seem to have been switched out of order since all the characters are now dragon-riding teenagers who look like a spin-off of a mediocre Dreamworks movie. Oh wait, Cartoon Network just up and canned DC Nation for the rest of the year. The same DC Nation that’s been airing new episodes for THREE GODDAMN WEEKS! On one hand, this move negates half my column. On the other, I don’t have to write half this column. More time for me to get my other work done, and less time for you to read about cartoons on the internet! Win win!
However, Marvel’s cartoons still aired this week since they remembered that they’re TV shows. Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes Kang returned by escaping out of the Pandorica SHIELD Helicarrier with the help of his future selves. Kang runs off to Stark Tower to cause some temporal mischief because it worked out so well for Loki in the movie. But, before being vaporized, Iron Man avenges his team by assembling the New Avengers to avenge the Avengers. Avenge. The New Avengers consist of previously established characters: Spider-Man, War Machine, Luke Cage, Iron Fist, and The Thing. Also Wolverine, because screw it. The New Avengers try to slap up Kang, fail at first, argue, get over it, slap up Kang some more, and succeed because this is a Marvel cartoon. The Original Avengers reappear, safe and sound, and urge the New Avengers to remain a team alongside the Old Avengers. Presumably so that whenever Red Skull threatens to crush America, the New Avengers can fight him while the Old Avengers wait for their kids to call. Spider-Man is then made by a reserve Avenger by Iron Man, who is so sick of people who only saw the movie asking why Spidey wasn’t already on the team. Despite the generic plot, the episode was pretty enjoyable and brought the New Avengers together in a way that didn’t include Scarlet Witch remembering that she never gave birth.
7/10 – An interesting and fun-to-watch, albeit somewhat formulaic, episode.
Ha!
Can’t wait for Phil Coulson to headline the upcoming SHIELD show? Neither could Ultimate Spider-Man, which is why this week focused on the famous Son of Coul himself! After the most enjoyable parent teacher conference in recorded history, Aunt May asks an elated Phil Coulson out to dinner. Yep. Wanted more Phil Coulson: Agent of SHIELD Who Blasted Loki with a Huge Raygun? Well here’s Phil Coulson: Agent of Shield Who Blasted Aunt May and I’m Not Finishing This Acronym. To be fair, Aunt May’s dated much worse guys. Not only did she marry J. Jonah Jameson’s dad and almost marry Doctor Octopus, but I’m fairly sure that it’s canon that she slept with a Skrull. Secret Invasion, Everybody! Anyway, Coulson takes May out to a very fancy restaurant where they’re attacked by the Beetle. Phil is shocked, because he could have sworn the Beetle died in a car accident in 1967. Or The Beetle just broke out of prison, I just wanted to use that pun. Coulson fights the Beetle while Spider-Man sits in the corner reminding the audience how bad-ass Phil is. The Beetle gains the upper hand until Aunt May hops into a jet and straight up turns the engine on in The Beetle’s face. Screw Phil Coulson! SHIELD should be headlined by Rosemary Harris as May! Phil and May continue their date but May says that it isn’t fair to Peter to date his principal. Peter runs out to tell May he’s alright with it and Phil and May run off to inspire some truly horrible fan fiction.
8/10 – This show would be so much better if it was just Coulson and Aunt May.
Next week: What do you mean Avengers: EMH only has three episodes left?!
