Welcome back to Boomb Tube, where we recap and review each week’s Cape Cartoons! This time, The Sinister Six return to Ultimate Spider-Man, Teen Titans Go! teaches a moral about responsibility, and Hulk and the Agents of SMASH is still pointless.
Ultimate Spider-Man had some vaguely interesting plotlines going on lately. First, Norman Osborn has reformed as a good guy and is now working under the Iron Patriot (even though it’s possible he might become a bad guy later on.) Second, that’s it this show doesn’t have that much going on in terms of story-arcs. The episode, subtly titled “The Return of the Sinister Six” opens with Spider-Man fighting an armored Lizard in the sewers. Here, Peter takes the opportunity to give about three straight minutes of exposition regarding who The Lizard is and what’s going on with Iron Patriot, after Norman comes to save him. When Norman bursts in, Peter says to Lizard “looks like you could use some Iron in your diet.” Then he does the Cupid Shuffle. This show is despicable. Anyway, Norman gets upset because The Lizard was outfitted with his stolen technology, and a riot at Ryker’s Island reveals that not only was it the Lizard who was teched out, but the entirety of the Sinister Six. Also they returned. Surprise. Doc Ock apparently reformed the Six so they could crush Spider-Man since they have nothing else to do, but then halfway through the massive yet boring battle with Spidey, his team, and Iron Patriot, Octavius changes his mind and decides that it’s Osborn who he wants revenge on. He does so, by injecting Osborn with Goblin formula which unsurprisingly turns out to be the worst possible plan in the world considering that Octavius just gave a man who wants him dead a super-monster form and no means of being controlled. So Norman, whose redemption arc was the most boringly concluded story yet, immediately grabs Spider-Man’s friends, throws them onto a nearby jet and flies off to tip over a car or something. Curt Connors, who Peter was able to cure of the Lizard thing, thanks Peter for saving him, but Spider-Man says he’s going to need to do a lot more saving in next week’s two-parter.
Review Score: 4.3 – Skip. A boring episode that paradoxically was half fight scene. At least the season finale’s next week.
HULK
Hulk and the Agents of Smash go to vacation in Canada because this entire show is just them going to mundane places for no reason and Canada is the natural progression from a mini golf course and a street festival. On the way, they have their plane crashed by Wolverine who is there because whatever and who has been also turned into a Wendigo. Because whatever. Thankfully, Wolverine is able to revert to his natural self because of his healing factor, and he recruits the Agents to help them fight the Wendigos, led by The Wendigo King who you can tell is their leader due to his red glowing amulets and the caption that reads “Wendigo King.” Even though the Agents of Smash fight valiantly against the Wedngios except Red Hulk who decides to scream an actual slur. I’ve replayed this scene many times but I swear, around seven minutes into the episode, Red Hulk actually tells a downed Wendigo to “Take a nap f– face!” If you have literally any idea what it could be otherwise I’d like to know so I could sleep at night. Anyway, Seth Green as A-Bomb gets infected by The Wendigos and infects everyone else but Wolverine and Vanilla flavored Hulk. Hulk almost transforms into a Wendigo himself but Wolverine says, the actual line, “If anyone can resist the beast within… it’s you.” The fact that they didn’t immediately make out was utterly disappointing. Anyway, Hulk and Wolverine do an obligatory Fastball Special (which, no, was not a consummation of their passion,) defeat the Wendigo King and cure the rest of the Agents who finally enjoy their relaxing spa trip, in what is possibly the most boring ending to a Hulk story.
Final Verdict: 2.8 – For a show with five Hulks and now a Wolverine, the writers sure do find innovative ways to stay boring.
Continued below
Teen Titans Go!
Beast Boy and Cyborg, playful libertines they are, roughhouse around the tower. All the Titans are complaining to them about responsibility but they skateboard the heck outta there before having to face the preparations they’ll need to make for the future. So, they have a staring contest over slice of pizza that lasts thirty years. That type of thing just happens on this show. In the future, Beast Boy and Cyborg go to find the other Teen Titans to brag about their new achievement but find that everything has changed. Robin is now Nightwing and has a baby and a mullet. Batgirl makes her debut here and serves no other purpose than being the means by which Robin sired children. Starfire, meanwhile is now the princess of her home planet and Raven became a living godhead. The main lesson they attempt to teach the emotionally immature Cyborg and Beast Boy is that, in the future they will still have to have responsibilities. This causes Beast Boy and Cyborg to instantly attempt to go back in time to stop this future and fight the other grown up Titans in the process. Back in the present, they share a slice of pizza which causes the future to become a robotic hellscape. While the other three Titans try not to die from robots, Beast Boy and Cyborg fondly remember pizza and are glad that they made the decision to allow the world to become the nightmare it has in exchange for their pizza. I apologize for everything bad I used to say about this show. It does not care in the best possible way. If I was a skateboard, Teen Titans Go! would be the only cartoon I watched.
Review Score: 7.4 – There’s almost no plot, but by god it’s still insane in the best types of ways.
