This week on Boomb Tube we cover not two, not three, but four cartoons! Well actually three since we already did a review on why Beware The Batman is the coolest thing ever and you should watch it as soon as you can. Off we go to the rest of the line-up!
Starting off with Ultimate Spider-Man, Green Goblin has returned because whatever. After beating him in two minutes, Spider-Man and his team transfer The Goblin to the SHIELD Helicarrier where Osborn does that thing all the villains do nowadays of getting captured so they can just blow up their prison with outside help. This outside help comes in the form of Venom who can now infect multiple people and infects a bunch of SHIELD agents including Coulson and Fury. Spider-Man is trapped on the Helicarrier with Venom and Osborn with no help, because his teammates disappear whenever anything actually starts happening on this show. Spider-Man fights his way through Venom Phil Coulson and Venom Nick Fury (who looks pretty cool as Venom with one eye) before he basically realizes that he has no hope in defeating Venom and Osborn alone. However, Peter finds help in the form of the imprisoned Doctor Octopus, as voiced by raspy, creepy Tom Kenny.
Simon Petrikov helps Peter by offering to make the Anti-Venom serum. Spider-Man mentions having made it before but Doc Ock tells him to shut up since he needs something to do this episode. While Ock is making the formula, Norman bursts through a wall in full Goblin mode and while wearing the Symbiote. Somehow, no one dies instantly. Spider-Man stalls The Goblin long enough for Doc Ock to finish the Anti-Venom and they cure everyone on the ship, including Norman of both his Venomness and Goblinicity. Peter tells Harry and Harry’s relieved that his father’s cured, albeit in a coma, so I guess that’s the end of Harry’s storyline? Anti-Climactic as hell yo.
Final Verdict: 5.8 – There’s some cool ideas here like the Venom Bomb, but it’s all detracted by the sheer unfunniness behind wacky Drake Bell Spider-Man’s constant 4th Wall breaking as well as some odd plot choices.
Meanwhile, Teen Titans Go! continues to compete in the recent competition Cartoon Network is holding to see which of its cartoons can traumatize the most kids. Adventure Time is still winning (“ONLY ONE! THE END! MY END!”) but TTG! is putting up a pretty good fight as its own brand of existential surrealism continues to be both life-changing and pointless. Starfire becomes infected with an alien parasite and everyone is cool with this because the parasite is a really happening dude named “Parry!” (We know.) Robin ends up becoming jealous of Parry because he can only see Parry as a growth on his girlfriend. However, he eventually delves into Starfire’s psyche/side and discovers that Parry was a cool dude after all. Then, Parry detaches from Starfire’s body, opens a giant vortex into space, and crushes the Titan to death after Robin sings about knowing that Parry was evil all along.
Final Verdict: 6.2 – Another week, another case of being extremely concerned for Teen Titans Go!’s writers.
Over on Avengers Assemble, Thor was SO FURIOUS that some were-lion guy was running around New York City with an axe. Apparently Thor was still pretty upset that he didn’t get to go to Anthrocon or something. Iron Man helps Thor beat the ever loving yiff out of Were-Lion and then Thor hits Were-Lion so hard that the axe goes flying off into some random back-alley of New York. Unfortunately, Thor reveals that the axe would signal the start of a prophecy that would end in Thor’s death should the axe fall into the wrong hands. Which is why Thor punched it all the way to Brooklyn. Awesome. Because of course he does, Doctor Doom picks up the axe with the help of his army of robot dogs.
Thor is so yiffed over the axe has been taken by Doom that he throws his hammer at the monitor showing him the news, which really Thor if throwing your hammer around willy nilly is what brought you into this mess you might want to done it the funk down. Thor and the rest of The Avengers who don’t have cooties (I’m pretty sure Black Widow just drops out of existence for this episode) go to the Latverian embassy where Captain America warns everyone over how politically sensitive they have to be when dealing with a sovereign embassy. They proceed to attack the hell out of it. Unfortunately things happen and The Midgard Serpent shows up and Thor tells everyone that it’ll destroy the Earth. Yes, this monster that was built up for approximately negative three seconds will really be the one that puts a dent in The Avengers. Oh what a traumatic episode this will be.
Continued belowThe Avengers fight The Midgard Serpent and get Doctor Doom arrested after however many minutes of boring fighting. Were-Lion, in his jail cell, asks Thor how he was able to escape his fate and Thor just kind of goes “Because!” and then hugs Tony.
Man, I am so glad they cancelled Earth’s Mightiest for this.
Final Verdict: 4.3 – If you want punching and some lines that qualify as jokes, here you go.
