This week on Boomb Tube, inexplicable guest stars galore as The Guardians of the Galaxy, Magpie, and freaking Dracula show up in this week’s Cape Cartoons.
Beware The Batman continued its mission of revitalizing H-List Batman villains by introudcing Magpie as this show’s version of Catwoman. She’s a vast improvement over the original Magpie whose only real defining traits were her love of shiny things, also present here, and just all of this. Magpie’s out to get revenge on those who gave her some super-soldierish procedure in prison which caused her to have Multiple Personality Desire and the ability to out-Lady-Gaga Lady Gaga. Batman tracks down the two new female characters to find who Magpie is and in a shock it’s the woman who doesn’t have Magpie’s hairstyle (it’s a wig!) Batman and Magpie fight it out in a warehouse and discuss the show’s themes of duality and identity crises until Batman gets strapped into the machine that made Magpie go gaga. Thankfully, Commissioner Gordon shows up, saves Batman, gives Batman the “I’m watching you, Squirt!” speech and Magpie gets arrested. Afterwards, Bruce monitors Not-Katana-Yet exploring Wayne Manor and decides to make her Katana.
Review Score: 8.8 – While there may have been no Professor Pyg, this was still a strong episode in a strong new series.
Meanwhile, Avengers Assemble lost its fucking mind. Everyone’s chilling at Avengers Mansion when vampires attack. You know. The usual. These vampires, led by a turned Black Widow whose purpose on this show seems to being a damsel in distress or not existing, turn out to have been sent by Dracula. Everyone’s incredibly skeptical about this since you have to draw a line somewhere when you live in a world that accepts someone named “Ant-Man” as a hero. However, Captain America is just like “Dracula? Oh right! THAT DUDE!” Turns out Captain America and Dracula fought together against Hydra in World War II and considering that three out of three of those things didn’t happen, I don’t think Marvel cares what World War II was anymore. The Avengers, minus Falcon who, like Widow, shifts somewhere between never talking and never existing, go to Transylvania to fight Dracula and to everyone but Cap’s surprise, yes that is Dracula. Three episodes in and we’re in Castlevania levels of madness. I may not like the show’s execution but I can’t say I don’t respect the thought.
Dracula reveals that he lured the team here so he could drink Captain America’s blood. It feels weird that all of Captain America’s enemies want his body in some way; Dracula and sucking his blood, Red Skull and his brain swapping, Tumblr and their pent-up frustrations. The Avengers fight Dracula; one thing leads to another and Dracula drinks Hulk’s blood and becomes Dracula Hulk. This is the most stupidly awesome part of the show. The most stupidly awful part of the show is where Dracula Hulk declares that he can’t just go off and destroy the Earth with his incredible powers because he still needs Cap’s. He has the power to break cities but he really needs the shield-throwing accuracy of Cap. Cap’s powers are strength and patriotism and when you already have Hulk strength and are Dracula, you hardly need the latter. The Avengers finally defeat Dracula Hulk by getting him so angry that his Hulk blood turns into sunlight (?!?!) and he’s defeated. Hulk also turns into a vampire but that sorts itself out. Black Widow is cured of her vampirism and a weakened Dracula joins Iron Skull’s (what a stupid name) HYDRA.
Review Score: 6.5 – There are so many great ridiculous ideas but the execution is kind of boring and flat.
Over on Ultimate Spider-Man, Marvel continued its efforts to make little kids excited for the Guardians of the Galaxy film by putting the team in their second cartoon in a year. If only the Great Lake Avengers got that kind of treatment. Spider-Man meets Rocket Raccoon while taking out the trash, because of course he does, and RR tells Nova that he has to come back with him to fight the Chitauri in space. Spidey, as well as the audience, is confused since Nova never mentioned being a part of the Guardians but it turns out that Peter just wasn’t listening because he’s the worst. See? The writers weren’t being lazy with giving Nova any kind of background! Spider-Man just wasn’t listening. Anyway, The Guardians are being held captive by intergalactic dictator Korvac, whose origin is so confusing I can’t tell how far removed from the original version he is in this.
Continued belowThe Guardians get freed by Spidey, Nova, and Rocket Raccoon and consist of Starlord, Gamora, Drax, and Groot who is a stick in a potted plant who spouts the usual “I am Groot!” all the time so Spider-Man can repeat the phrase like it’s really funny to hear when repeated by Drake Bell.. They all fight off the Chitauri and Spider-Man learns the true power of Groot when Groot turns into his true form and busts some alien head. Nova ends up blocking a blast by Korvac that would destroy the Earth and the Guardians defeat Korvac. Nova then decides to stay with The Guardians but at the last minutes changes his mind because if there’s one thing Ultimate Spider-Man loves its never changing into something new.
Review Score: 5.3 – Pretty typical space adventure stuff. I am Groot, I guess.
Finally, Teen Titans Go! continues its trend of being a straight up medieval morality play. A comedy in ten minutes and a tragedy in eleven. Starfire is the only Titan invites to the Titans East party and to avoid hurting everyone else’s feelings, decides to take up lying. At the behest of Mephistopheles, also known as Beast Boy, Starfire tells every other Titan about how the other Titans despise them so they won’t have to hang out that night and Starfire and Beast Boy can go to the party. Unfortunately during all of the infighting, Silkie, who has been eating EVERYTHING, gets hurt and Starfire gives a heartfelt speech telling all of her friends she’s sorry for the lying. Beast Boy says that was good of her to do and she winks at the camera, implying her days of insincerity may never come to an end. She also says something about it being the season finale which is another horrible lie because I’d do anything for this show to be over with.
Review Score: 4.3 – It’s been months and I’m still not sure why this show is a thing.
