Welcome to Boomb Tube, where all of your favorite TV shows and Ultimate Spider-Man recapped on a weekly basis! This week: Why doesn’t the Red Hulk have a mustache? I mean that’s not a plot point of anything but it’s been bothering me since last Sunday. Spoilers ahead!
Green Lantern: The Animated Series starts off this week by reenacting a crappy version of Mass Effect. After a bunch of synthetic creatures (Manhunters/Geth) controlled by an ancient evil (Anti-Monitor/Reapers) attack Earth (Earth/Earth), Hal Jordan (Shepard) tries to convince the Guardians (Guardians/Council) to allow him to recruit a team comprised of his best friends so he can punch the crap out of evil. Hal recruits Kilowogg by fighting his greatest trainee: Ch’p, making his animated debut. Following Jordan’s brutal beat down at the hands of Ch’p, Kilowogg joins the team along with IA who is rescued from the Guardians’ evil science experiments. Hal brushes off the fact that one of his best friends was kidnapped and almost dissected and heads off to Some Planet I Will Never Be Able To Spell where he confronts the Anti-Monitor who wants to consume the universe. So we’re not dealing with “Crisis” level Anti-Monitor but “Sinestro Corps” level Anti-Monitor who, while very cray, is not the gigantic reality-ending threat he is from Crisis. He’s just big, punches things a lot, and is voiced by Tom Kenny. Anti-Bob SquareMonitor then fires Hal off his planet and the Green Lanterns swear to stop this monster, just not this week.
Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes had an episode that focused exclusively on the Red Hulk. I’ve never really liked the concept of the Red Hulk; putting a color in front of a pre-established character does not make a new character, it creates a new Power Ranger. Anyway, the Avengers head off to Super-Prison where the Hulk is being held captive after turning himself in to “Thunderbolt” Ross. After being freed for literally three seconds, Bruce freaks out and escapes as the Hulk due to thinking Cap is still a Skrull. New Hulk mysteriously shows up, punches out normal Hulk, and demands to join the Avengers. Everyone shrugs and goes along with it, except Captain America who, as a man from the 1940’s, has the magical power of not trusting people of a different color. Cap’s questionable intuition turns out to be correct and the Hulk is being brainwashed into staying savage. Before Hulk can explain what’s what, Vanilla Hulk tries to smash the both of them. The other Avengers come to the rescue, taking out Raspberry Hulk by incapacitating him with his Avengers ID card which was booby trapped the whole time, because Iron Man has trust issues. General Ross turns out to be the Cherry Hulk and no one questions how Ross came to become a radioactive behemoth. Everyone has a good laugh except for Hulk who was imprisoned and brutally tortured by his archenemy for three months.
Over on Young Justice, Impulse and Blue Beetle presented the best bromance you never knew you wanted when they hung out in the desert blowing up stuff. While the two of them gleefully enjoyed the other’s presence and stared deeply into one another’s eyes, Aqualad continued to infiltrate The Light (the show’s less ridiculous sounding version of The Secret Society of Super Villains) on behalf of Nightwing. With a team of Icicle Jr., two Gambit clones, and a disguised Artemis, Aqualad attacks Mount Justice (Mount Justice? I hardly know her!) and the members of Young Justice. Blue Beetle, Impulse, and Beast Boy are kidnapped by Aqualad’s team and Aqualad decides to keep up the realism of his ploy by punching the crap out of Nightwing’s stomach and blowing up the team’s headquarters. The following day, Wally yells at Nightwing for allowing Aqualad to be so ridiculous and Nightwing replies with the old “Aqualad’s just playing around!” line. Wally points out that Aqualad may have gone a little kooky considering that his girlfriend died, his dad turned out to be a super villain, and he blew up The Team’s headquarters. Meanwhile, impressed with his explosions and kidnappings, The Light allows Aqualad into their organization. Funnily enough, those are the same reasons Matt gave me this column.
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Spider-Man threw Captain America’s shield through Doctor Doom’s window by accident and he had to get it back. I have nothing to say. This episode was the best The Sandlot sequel ever.
Next week: I may or may not survive the premiere of Arrow.
