This week on Boomb Tube, we finally get that “Stan by Me” episode of Ultimate Spider-Man! Will it exceed expectations? No. More exciting stuff after the jump!
On Beware the Batman, Bruce Wayne shows off his new best buddy Jason Burr (who is Kobra in the comics or something?) in a press conference demonstrating his new project, the Ion Cortex, which will give Gotham free energy. Ninjas immediately attack.
Criticize this show all you want, but at least they get to the point.
The ninjas are under the employ of Lady Shiva who doesn’t appear onscreen for this episode because she’s just that hardcore. After Batman defeats the ninjas and escorts Burr to the safety of Wayne Manor, Shiva has all the failed ninjas murdered and a new squad commissioned led by Silver Monkey, who proves that Beware will put literally any DC character on their show. At Wayne Manor, Bruce goes out to investigate why the hell there are ninjas rampaging around Gotham while leaving a flirtatious Burr in the hands of Katana who is having none of his Nice Guy Fedora act. Then, when the ninjas inevitably attack Wayne Manor, she immediately begins kicking ass and swinging around her “Soultaker” sword. Katana is so awesome, you guys.
Batman figures that enough time has passed for his house to be ninja-attacked so he rides his motorcycle back to the house, knocks several ninjas off their motorcycles, and then destroys his bike so he can turn it into a paraglider and fly it through a dozen laser turrets and onto the roof of his house. Batman is so goshdarn awesome, you guys. Katana turns out to have connections to the League of Assassin ninjas who are after Burr because there’s some horribly outdated contract somewhere that states that all Asian characters in superhero property are required to know every ninja. Katana gets some cool vague backstory as it turns out she used to be in the League and stole Soultaker from them. Katana then beats Silver Monkey but Batman stops her from killing him because if he didn’t then this show might be too hardcore for its own good. The ninjas get away, Batman feels more confident in having Katana as a bodyguard, and Jason Burr is safe since Lady Shiva basically says “Whatever, we found out that Katana’s alive and one accomplishment per day is all I need to feel validated. We’ll get that world-changing energy source eventually.” before she falls asleep on her throne.
Review Score: 8.7 – This show is just a lot of fun and one of the few current takes on Batman that doesn’t feel stale to me.
Over on Avengers Assemble, freaking Hyperion shows up. He’s here to save the day and acts like a total jerk while just barely saving people. He’s essentially the New 52 Superman. The Avengers want Stephanie Brown back so they try and stop Hyperion because this is Avengers Assemble not Hyperion Hissembles and they’ll be damned if they let anyone else take the spotlight.. totally is. At his Fort of Aloneness, where he’s building a statue of his own face, he reveals that he chose Earth as his new home simply because it was so weak and thus easy to be the most powerful force on it. The Avengers say something about being the mightiest heroes in THIS town, buddy, and they fight. Obvious homages to Superman are done, and then Hyperion loses, gets thrown in jail, and screams about how The Avengers won’t be able to stop the oncoming Big Bad Threat. Hawkeye also winks a lot.
Review Score: 7.1 – Pretty good episode actually, some funny moments from Hyperion and Hawkeye. Show still feels a little flat though.
“Stan By Me.” Ever since I found out that was an actual title to an actual episode of Ultimate Spider-Man I’ve been more than excited to see it. Unfortunately it was delayed for a few weeks but it’s finally aired and it had only slightly less Stan Lee then you’d think. Peter, Mary Jane, and Harry Osborn are at school on Saturday night finishing up a chemistry lab when the Lizard attacks the school because screw it. Stan Lee, who’s been a janitor in this show for the duration of its run, joins the kids in tracking down The Lizard when it kidnaps Coulson and Harry. Along the way, Spidey tries to hide any evidence of the school actually being run by SHIELD from the others. Stan Lee, who is roughly 91 in real life and probably 60-something in this show, ends up kicking ass against The Lizard which no one finds suspicious. The group ends up finding their way to The Lizard’s lair, where it turns out he’s making a machine Connors designed to drive out The Lizard personality. “The Lizard wants to drive out his own mind? Oh sure, I’m sure the machine this crazy lizard thing is doing will do just that.” Spidey says as he puts The Lizard into the machine. The machine The Lizard reformatted to drive the Connors personality out instead. Whoopsies. This was a rushed and anticlimactic scene, honestly. I’d much rather they have done this scene the way it was done in “Shed.” That would be some great cartooning.
The group fights The Lizard and manages to bring the room crumbling down, saving Harry and Coulson and letting The Lizard escape. The next day, Stan goes up to Peter and admits that he knows he’s Spider-Man and that he himself actually founded SHIELD. Or at least, named it. Spidey reacts shocked, but amused, and not horrified like he should be. There are so many questions this situation creates. Why would one of SHIELD’s top agents be resigned to janitorial duty? Did Nick Fury perform a coup d’etat and force Lee out? How awesome would it be if Hickman finished SHIELD and it ended with Leonardo Da Vinci and Isaac Newton handing over SHIELD to Stan Lee and Jack Kirby? Unfortunately, we may never know the answers.
Review Score: 6.8 – Kind of another shallow and unfunny episode, but Stan Lee gives it some extra points.
