Welcome to The Multiversity Address, Multiversity Comics’s recap series for Marvel’s “Civil War II.” After, Jess, Alice, and I died in the process of covering every single “Secret Wars” tie-in, we opted to just let me recap Marvel’s latest revival of a classic crossover. Obviously, we’ve got “Civil War II” spoilers from here on out.
Hey again. Remember “Civil War II” and this column following “Civil War II” were happening? Haha yeah, me neither. The last time I wrote this column was in July. Do you have any idea what’s happened in the world since then? Sausage Party came out, I guess? Anyway, “Civil War II” has had delays because David Marquez had a child and family always comes first, especially when it comes to stuff like comics. While congratulations are in order for the latest edition to the Marquez family, we still have to look at the ink-and-paper boy David birthed alongside Brian Michael Bendis.
Last time on “Civil War II”, a hip teen named Ulysses used his powers of foresight to predict big ol’ disasters. This got War Machine killed and She-Hulk in critical condition at the hospital but Ulysses’s prediction still had a good enough K/D ratio to impress Captain Marvel. Iron Man’s going through that thing where he can’t let anyone have a good time so he’s rallying against Ulysses and his powers, especially after they caused Hawkeye to kill The Hulk. Clint was subsequently acquitted in the fastest legal process in United States history, which not everyone’s happy about. Tony Stark decided to say “screw it” and went to Captain Marvel’s headquarters to kidnap Ulysses which brought in everyone in the Marvel Universe to participate in the big fight scene a comic named “Civil War II” is contractually obligated to provide.
Before we get to that fight, here’s a bunch of millennials on a helicopter.
“You promised us superheroes!” is the second most meta complaint this book provides about itself. They should’ve gone full tilt with the metaphor, have the pilot rip off his beard and hat to reveal that he was Bendis all along, and then crash the readers straight into the Statue of Liberty.
Instead of going out in a blaze of literary genius, this helicopter tour witnesses the Avengers and who ever else showed up fight each other until a plot thing happens. So instead of poring over every single encounter someone has in this comic, here’s a general layout of each conversation.
Hero A: You’re fighting for Tony/Carol? How can you think Ulysses and his visions are a good/bad idea?
Hero B: Do you see how his predictions killed Rhodey/saved the city? This is for the common good!
Hero A: I can’t believe this!
Hero C: I’m joining in the fight to help Hero A get the upper hand.
Hero B: You’re fighting for Tony/Carl too?! How can you think Ulys
It goes on like that for forever. Here’s at least one really good moment.
Wow Nova, that line is fam.
As I mentioned earlier, this comic brought in everyone to help in this mess of a fight which is why the Guardians of the Galaxy are here for Captain Marvel. Captain America even straight up says he doesn’t know why he’s here. The obvious answer is that Captain Marvel joined the Guardians of the Galaxy a while back so Star-Lord’s backing up his teammate but I guess Captain America, like everyone else, hasn’t actually read a Guardians of the Galaxy comic.
After saying that line, Star-Lord should’ve walked away from Cap and taken a cab to anywhere else but here. If that happened, this comic would’ve retroactively received an Eisner.
As the battle continues to whimper on, Ulysses is back at New Attilan where Plot Stuff is happening to him. Namely, he’s turning into one of the Ultra Beasts from the new Pokemon games.
Ulysses’s powers grow in conjunction with the escalating battle and a huge explosion leaves everyone knocked out. During this explosion, everyone also glimpses one of Ulysses’s visions. It’s a strong one.
Continued below
I don’t think I’ve ever said this for a crossover before, and I’ve been through all of “AXIS”, but hey Marvel can we not? Can we not do this? Miles Morales has been in the 616 universe for what, two months? Sure his solo series is great right now but he’s just getting started with everything. Can we not immediately throw him onto Ulysses’s bullshit baby vision board? Iron Man is literally right there. Literally any other character is right there. Start up a four issue plot where Tony yells at Carol for not being careful for her e-mail servers, I don’t care, it won’t be as groan inducing as this.
Iron Man spent approximately half a year ranting about how Ulysses’s visions are just algorithms that don’t mean anything but as soon as the one black kid on his side gets psychic accused of something he just stands in the back quietly? That’s more unfortunate than this comic being delayed into 2017. See you then.
