Civil War II #7 Featured Columns 

The Multiversity Address: “Civil War II” #7

By | November 28th, 2016
Posted in Columns | % Comments

Welcome to The Multiversity Address, Multiversity Comics’s recap series for Marvel’s “Civil War II.” After, Jess, Alice, and I died in the process of covering every single “Secret Wars” tie-in, we opted to just let me recap Marvel’s latest revival of a classic crossover. Obviously, we’ve got “Civil War II” spoilers from here on out.

Last time on “Civil War II”, Captain Marvel and Iron Man are still being pissy because some magical boy prince has the power to see the future and it tangentially got Bruce Banner and War Machine killed. Before this problem can be sussed out rationally, Ulysses shares a vision that shows Miles Morales holding Captain America’s corpse on the steps of the Capitol Building. Miles escapes before Captain Marvel can arrest him and uses his temporary freedom to just immediately go to the Capitol Building. I guess the Ultimate Universe’s summer reading list never included Oedipus or literally anything else about predetermination.

So how is Miles’s stay in the 616 going?

Fuck.

Uh, let’s move on from the most unfortunate scene Marvel’s published in a while and get back to the comfortable inanity we’ve come to expect from “Civil War II.”

Over on the Inhumans base of New Attilan, Ulysses has been training under Karnak because someone thought it’d be a good idea to have a Warren Ellis character train Marvel’s most powerful new hero. Ulysses uses his powers to see even further into the future and ends up in Old Man Logan territory. Not the Old Man Logan running around as Wolverine right now. Nor the Old Man Logan from the original series. Or the “Secret Wars” tie-in. This is a different Old Man Logan. Hey id you guys know Logan is coming to theaters next year? Anyway, OML quickly fills Ulysses in on where he is by personally victimizing me.

To be fair, our governor already looks like the Old Man Logan version of the Hulk.

Ulysses starts to phase back to the present before Logan can tell him exactly what happened to turn the world into Mark Millar’s wet dream. Logan, a dude obsessed with making sure the world doesn’t change into the hellscape he lost his family in, just says “Tony Stark happened” and walks off.

Meanwhile, Captain Marvel sees a young black hero under her charge surrounded by armed police officers and thinks “Oh yeah, that shouldn’t be happening.”

She makes a few phone calls and somehow the cops realize that Spider-Man’s not breaking any laws by standing around in a weird costume in a public space. If it was, the Sonic the Hedgehog who bothered me for a picture in Times Square last week wouldn’t see the light of day for the next twenty years. Or maybe he can’t see the light of day as it is. It was a pretty thick mask.

Captain America shows up because, again, no one in the Marvel Universe has ever heard of predetermination. Miles tells Steve he has no plans of killing him and Steve responds with “HAIL HYDR- wait, wrong comic.” Captain Marvel flies in to help calm the whole situation down and it works pretty well. Miles is ready to head off with Carol until…

“Tony Stark happens.” And that’s it? Tony and Carol begin to fight it out and that’s kind of just where the issue drops off. See you next month for issue #8 which will be five pages of Tony describing his feelings and issue #9 in April which will be Ulysses ordering some Poke.


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James Johnston

James Johnston is a grizzled post-millenial. Follow him on Twitter to challenge him to a fight.

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