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    Every Single One: Ten Spider-Men We Fully Expect To See in “Spider-Verse”

    By | March 25th, 2014
    Posted in Columns | 3 Comments

    Yesterday, Marvel announced 2014’s big Spider-Man event: “Spider-Verse.” Coming from Dan Slott and Olivier Coipel, it’s a five-part storyline coming up in “Amazing Spider-Man” that’ll spill over into other Spidey-Titles. On the whole, we at Multiversity are excited. Most of that’s due to the fact that Slott’s been exploring the Spider-Legacy for a huge part of his run, with “Superior” focusing on what the name means, the upcoming “Learning to Crawl” focusing on Spidey’s past and the recent presence of Spider-Man 2099 gives a perspective on the web-head’s future, it’s time that Slott’s tackled the multi-dimensional legacy Peter Parker has left behind. And it’s about time too, there’s a staggering amount of parallel Spideys for Slott to tackle, even ones that haven’t been announced yet, and we’re here to share the Top Ten we’d like to see.

    Rules for our guessing game (which you can join in from home!): The initial teaser said “Every Single One.” Following that rule, we are not limiting ourselves to any rules of medium, canon, or time. When Marvel says “Every Single One”, we’re taking them up on their word. Also, since Morlun has been called “the initial villain”, the stage is open to suggest alternate Spideys as The Real Big Bad. And with Slott reportedly saying he was shocked he even got to use some characters in “Spider-Verse”, literally anyone is fair game. Now, let’s get started!

    1.) Spider-Man: Reign

    Kaare Andrews’ Reign has been one of the most popular off-shoot Spider-Men in recent years. Similar to The Dark Knight Returns in both tone and plot, Spider-Man: Reign tells the story of an aged Peter who’s lost Mary Jane because of her years of being exposed to Peter’s… uh… toxic bug juice… (full disclosure: jokes about Spider-Man’s ability to “shoot web” will be a recurring theme in this list.)

    Although many have criticized the original miniseries for being too grim and gritty, a despair-ridden and aged Peter would certainly serve as a striking contrast to the throng of younger Parkers that’ll appear throughout the story, serving as a weary almost Uncle Ben-like figure. Throwing in Spider-Man Reign would certainly be an interesting way to give the army of Spider-Men in “Spider-Verse” their mentor.

    Odds of Appearing: 1:4

    2.) Zombie Spider-Man

    One thing I noticed while researching this article was how hard it is to find an evil version of Peter Parker. Even the zombified Spider-Man, from mid 2000’s smash hit and subsequent convoluted mess of a franchise Marvel Zombies, has some good in him. Granted, that good comes in the shape of him crying while reluctantly eating Aunt May and Mary Jane but you’ve gotta start somewhere. That said, if “Spider-Verse” were in need of a main villain they could do worse than a Zombie Spider-Man who’s already part of a franchise already known for its reality hopping. A monstrous Spider-Man imbued with the Power Cosmic wreaking vengeance across the multiverse on the other Peter Parkers who got lucky with their realities and didn’t end up as rotten with loved ones stuck in their rotting teeth? Now that’s an event!

    Odds of Appearing: 1:3

    3.) Spider-Nam

    “Spider-Nam”, the incredible fan-comic from Godzilla: Half-Century War’s James Stokoe is actually not even close to canon. Still, a crazed soldier Spider-Man dedicated to wiping out Morlun and his forces would make for some great conflict in the Spider-Ranks, especially if Marvel could arrange some deal with Stokoe.

    Odds of Appearing: 1:100

    4.) The Venture Bros’ Brown Widow

    Not a whole lot of reason here. The Marvel Universe could always do with some more Nathan Filion.

    Odds of Appearing: 1:10000

    5.) House of M Spider-Man

    Sporting a “Baseball Player in 2002” close-shaven hair-cut, a family with Gwen Stacy and an adorable son, and world-wide acclaim the Spider-Man from the pocket reality created by Scarlet Witch during House of M had it all. Then he began to remember bits and pieces of his true life, the painful tortured existence that’s made up the 616 Spider-Man’s existence, and lost his mind. Wreaking havoc as his reality’s Green Goblin, he was eventually given the world’s biggest chill pill by his family and friends. With his mind sort of back together, he gave a note to the House of M (Magneto and his family who ruled this universe) telling them to lay-off non-mutants before running off into the woods to live with his family.

    Continued below

    Now, yeah, House of M exists in some weird pocket reality that probably got dissolved by Scarlet Witch at the end of the story, but there’s still the chance it exists as some parallel reality like Age of Apocalypse does. If so, somewhere out there is a Peter Parker who remembers the pain and suffering of another reality’s Spider-Man. Now if he was somehow made to experience the turmoil of every Spider-Man, every single one, who’s to say he wouldn’t don the Green Goblin gear (which would work great with Slott’s penchant for Spidey stories revolving around identity) and try to quiet the voices of all the Spider-Men whose pain he feels. How’s that for a cosmic joke? A Peter Parker transformed by the pain of his infinite lives into his greatest enemy, now facing down an army of Spideys ready to take down a literal manifestation of the suffering brought about by “The Ol’ Parker Luck?”

    I’d buy that.

    Odds of Appearing: 1:10.

    6.) Spider-Man: The 90’s Animated Series

    The second most popular animated version of Marvel’s wall-crawler, the 90’s Spidey cartoon ended with a multiversal romp where Peter teamed up with several alternate versions of himself to fight another evil version of himself possessed by Carnage. The show infamously never had a solid ending, the final shot being Spider-Man and Madame Web swinging out of Stan Lee’s office to search the Multiverse for any trace of Mary Jane who was thrown into a black hole by Green Goblin. Then replaced with a clone of Hydro-Man that Spider-Man married and probably got to second base with.

    Hopefully “Spider-Verse” wouldn’t really focus on those last parts.

    Odds of Appearing: 1:25

    7.) 60’s Meme Spider-Man

    The most popular iteration of Spider-Man, the 60’s cartoon is arguably the way most audiences in the 60’s were introduced to Peter Parker with the catchy theme song being the way everyone is introduced to Spider-Man. Slott’s work deals with a lot with legacy, and the original cartoon Spidey would certainly serve as a crucial figurehead among the Spider-Men: a truly classic figure.

    Which is exactly why we don’t think he’ll show up. Well, not exactly. Slott seems totally focused on making our Peter, the one from the 616, the “classic” Spider-Man so we doubt he’d divert attention to a character from an admittedly sub-par cartoon. However, 60’s Spider-Man has evolved on the internet into a source for some of the best jokes you can find on your local memebase. A character in “Spider-Verse” who says nothing but memes, complete with Impact font?

    I’d buy that for a hundred dollars.

    Odds of Appearing: 1:15 (Classic) 1:50 (Meme)

    8.) Axel Braun’s Porn Parody Universe Spider-Man

    What’s a couple more gallons of webbing to the mix? At least he and Spider-Man: Reign would be able to swap stories about swapping fluids. 

    [Sound of you high-fiving me through your computer]

    Odds of Appearing: 1:69

    9.) Toei Spider-Man

    Real talk: if the Toei Spider-Man, a motorcycle racer named Takuya Yamashiro who witnesses a UFO named “Marveler” from the planet “Spider” crash to Earth and meets Planet Spider’s last living warrior who gives Takuya spider-powers and the UFO which turns into a giant fighting robot to fight Professor Monster and his Iron Cross Army, does not show up in “Spider-Verse” to make a last minute save then there’s no point to making this story in the first place.

    Odds of Appearing: 1:1

    10.) Italian Spiderman

    Every. Single. One.

    Odds of Appearing: 1:5

    Have any suggestions for Spider-Men (or Spider-Women) you want to see appear in “Spider-Verse”? Let us know in the comics.

    //TAGS | Multiversity Rewind

    James Johnston

    James Johnston is a grizzled post-millenial. Follow him on Twitter to challenge him to a fight.


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