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| “America!” |
This week’s Casting Couch is a special one, one that was very near and dear to MC EIC Matt Meylikhov and I’s hearts. With the DC relaunch, they went big on Justice League, bringing in their biggest name writer (Geoff Johns) and biggest name artist (Jim Lee) and rebooted the whole deal. The results have been fantastic from a sales standpoint, as every issue has been the top selling book of its respective month.
The creative side has been… a little more uneven. As Matt said in his review of this past week’s fifth issue, the whole exercise is quite a bit like a Michael Bay flick: Big action. Very little character development. Lots of ridiculousness.
So for this week’s Casting Couch, we’re going to cast a Justice League movie as if we were Michael Bay. Take that how you will, and remember, this isn’t us casting it – it’s Michael Bay.
One movie. One glorious movie of action, posturing and abs.
The Director – Michael Bay
No one could be more perfect to direct Geoff Johns and Jim Lee’s Justice League than Bay. This guy will make the stakes higher, the explosions larger, the one-liners…one-linier. Basically, he’ll make it the epic punchfest that DC knows we all want. Or something like that. Don’t worry guys — Michael Bay’s got this.
Superman – Josh Duhamel
Bay loves Duhamel. This is a fact. He’s a prototypical Bay player. He’s all-American looking. He’s beefy. He’s handsome. He’s spot on for the v-neck wearing power lead for this first arc, although let’s go ahead and admit it: this version of Superman doesn’t really do much. He spends most of his time looking beefy and handsome. Perfect for Duhamel.
Batman – Sam Worthington
Someone needs to explain to me why Sam Worthington hasn’t been in a Bay movie yet. The guy is being tailored to do so. He’s rockin’ Cameron and Cameron-lite films. He’s already going the sequel route with double the Titans, double the fun (or something like that). The dude is the heir apparent for a long legacy of emotionless, vapid action stars. Can’t you imagine him brooding throughout a Bay JL Awesome as Batman? It kills you a little bit to agree, but you do. You know you do.
Wonder Woman – Odette Yustman
It was very hard for us to not cast Megan Fox here. It’s perfect. There was a time everyone wanted her to be Wonder Woman. She didn’t want to be her, but her career has kind of went away. She and Bay had a huge falling out. This casting has the potential for pure gold. But Matt overruled me, because both Fox and Bay said they would never work together again. For shame.
Instead, Odette Yustman makes the cut, as she’s an Amazonian beauty who is kind of non-descript besides that. As you likely know, that’s perfect for a female lead in a Michael Bay movie.
Green Lantern – Bradley Cooper
As much as we didn’t want to recast perfection with Ryan Reynolds, we had to let Mikey Mike do his thing and cast someone new here. For the supreme jerk that is Hal Jordan in this version of the Justice League, you need someone who does smarmy a-hole well. And man, Bradley Cooper can charm the pants off someone (“Dibs.”) just as well as he can be an obnoxious jerk to nearly anyone around him (“Paging Dr. Douchebag.”). He’s already been in a Bay-esque movie (The A-Team), and he’d be a perfect member of Bay’s Dream Team.
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The Flash – Chris Pine
As much as I do enjoy Chris Pine, he seems like the type of person who would eventually be part of a Michael Bay ensemble. (For example, couldn’t you see him play Ben Affleck’s role in a remake of Armageddon? And don’t pretend we won’t see that sooner rather than later) For Barry Allen, he’s gotta jive well with Hal Jordan (or so far that’s all we really know about him, besides that he’s a boy scout), and we think Pine and Cooper would banter with the best of them.
Aquaman – Alex Pettyfer
Aquaman in Justice League is kind of a jerky asshole. Just sayin’. The first line he has is questioning why he shouldn’t be the leader of the team, even though he’s never met any of them. He may be a gem and a half, but Pettyfer sort of looks the type. Not only that, but he looks really damn similar to Jim Lee’s Aquaman. Throw in the fact that his big movie so far was a Michael Bay produced joint, and we’ve got ourselves our fish out of water!
Cyborg – Drake
Top five reasons why Michael Bay would cast Drake as Cyborg:
1) Michael Bay loves casting rappers
2) He has experience playing high schoolers (see: Degrassi)
3) So Drake would drop a beat on the soundtrack (potential song titles: “We Got This!” “Why doesn’t my dad love me even though I scored, like, 30 touchdowns last game?”)
4) When you have the opportunity to cast a person who’s last name is ever and his first name is greatest (or Aubrey) you have to take it
5) According to this Sprite commercial, Drake is ALREADY A CYBORG
Darkseid – Michael Clark Duncan (voice)
When I (and by I, I mean Michael Bay) suggested this to Matt (and by Matt, I mean Michael Bay), he told me that MCD was actually supposedly playing Darkseid in Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel. I’m not sure if that is actually happening, but it is happening when it comes to this movie. His booming voice will make the CHOOOOM DOOOOOM of Darkseid all the more badass.
Every Parademon – Nicolas Cage
Fact: Michael Bay LOVES Nicolas Cage. Fact: Nicolas Cage LOVES comics. You know they would find a way to get Nic involved, and what better way to do so than to cast him as every parademon. “FOR DARKSEID!” is right, if only Darkseid was Michael Bay.
