And we’re back with another week of Casting Couch, our weekly effort to cast movie/TV adaptations of some of our favorite comic properties out there. This week, we have a recent favorite of mine – Peter Milligan and Mike Allred’s “X-Statix” (also known as “X-Force” once upon a time).
What’s that? This series is old? Yeah, sure, but I recently picked up the Omnibus for the series and am unabashedly a huge fan. It’s a great, great series, and in a lot of ways, it’d be perfect as a scathing, metatextual commentary on the current reality of television.
One note: this week, it’s just Matt and I casting. Our secret weapon Jess Graham (her of the encyclopedic knowledge base of every actor ever known) isn’t so savvy on superhero properties. You can find out how we did without her after the jump. If you’ve never read the series, some spoilers can be found here, so avoid like the plague!
We talked about this as a movie, but it just needs more time to percolate to have proper effect. The best bet would be for this to end up on FX, but in reality, to properly succeed it would probably need to be a premium channel show for it to get the budget it needs to have our cast and the production values needed to make it happen. Also, I envision this following a similar multi-camera format as you would find on shows like The Office or Parks and Recreation.
Showrunner – Spike Jonze
Sure, he’s never been involved with a TV show, but he has the perfect sensibilities to make this show a reality. He won’t necessarily be involved with directing, but with his hand behind the reins, this could be the goofy, scathing and fiercely imaginative show it should be.
The Orphan – Armie Hammer
If I were casting a TV show, I’d be doing everything I could to cast Hammer in my show. The guy is clearly talented, with his standout dual performance in The Social Network earning him prominent roles, including a well-received one in last year’s J. Edgar. As The Orphan, also known as Mister Sensitive, also known as Guy Smith, Hammer could bring the special brand of needy craziness and taut physicality needed to life in memorable fashion.
U-Go Girl – Emily Blunt
Is she possibly too big at this point to work on a TV show? Not really. These days, the actors working on TV are getting bigger and bigger. Plus, with her lead roles in films never really generating a massive hit (which is why you need to cast her before The Five-Year Engagement comes out), she might be in a perfect spot to get for a show. Blunt I think would be perfect as the plucky and opportunistic girl with a covert heart and levels of depth. With her and Hammer involved, this show would be featured the most attractive purple and blue-ish leads in TV history.
The Anarchist – Anthony Mackie
The Adjustment Bureau reunion alert! Mackie has proven himself a talent to watch, especially with his understated but powerful performance in the Oscar winning film The Hurt Locker. As the fiery and glory-addicted Tike Alicar, Mackie could (and would) steal scene after scene. He also wouldn’t allow him to fall into the trap of stereotypes that the character could in wrong hands. With this trio in the lead, the show would be at the very least very well acted.
Venus Dee Milo – Paula Patton
After a certain someone goes away, Dee Milo would join the trinity of this series. She’d be a later lead, so you would need someone who can really stand out. Growing substantially in fame this year with Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, she’s an actress who can stand out amongst stars thanks to her beauty and her gifts as an actress (see: Precious). As Venus Dee Milo, the cast could lose Blunt without losing anything in acting quality or sex appeal.
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Vivisector – Kieran Culkin
Scene stealer alert! I’m going to go ahead and admit that I’m a big fan of Culkin. He’s definitely the best Culkin actor, and he’s perfect for TV because he almost never gets roles these days. It’s a shame too. Vivisector, in a lot of ways, is a genius blend between two of his characters: Wallace from Scott Pilgrim and Igby from Igby Goes Down (an outrageously great performance from Culkin). Vivisector, in the capable hands of Culkin, would be exactly the opposite of the overshadowed Myles Alfred.
Phat – Alex Pettyfer
Pettyfer isn’t a great actor. He’s more of a pretty face, but a moderately not terrible at acting pretty face. But as a gangsta-type who is traditionally a beefy guy but has the mutant power to expand his fat/phatness, you don’t need great. You just need someone who can accurately pull off the physical juxtaposition of the character while handling what the role asks for. Pettyfer could assuredly do that, and he’d be a perfect addition to this fame-hungry cast of characters.
Dead Girl – Caroline Dhavernas
Oh, how I love Caroline Dhavernas. Her character Jaye from the woefully short lived show Wonderfalls is an all-time favorite of mine. In a lot of ways too, she’s the Niagara Falls gift shop equivalent of Dead Girl. So this would be killing two birds with one stone: I’d get Dhavernas a regular paying gig on a prominent show AND I’d be casting the best person available. That, my friends, is a win win situation.
Spike Freeman – Spike Jonze
Oddly enough, the first anyone I thought of for this cast, including the showrunner, was Jonze as Freeman. And not just because they have the same first name. They have a similar look, Jonze could easily play a sniveling, rich guy-type (see: Moneyball), and he’d already be there in another capacity. Why wouldn’t he be Freeman?!
Doop – Sir Anthony Hopkins
For Doop, you need someone who can bring the gravitas of this character to life. Someone who is renowned for his legendary acting. Someone who is fluent in Doop-speak. Someone…like Sir Anthony Hopkins.
I kid, of course. The role wouldn’t even really be performed. One CGI green blob + some sort of sound mixing of anyone speaking and you have all you need for Doop, arguably the greatest character in the history of fiction.
