In anticipation of Marvel’s “It’s Coming”/”War Is Here”/Avengers Vs. X-Men press conference coming in a few short hours, we here at Multiversity Comics decided to see how our soothsaying skills are holding up and try and guess who the host for the Phoenix Force will be this time around.
Hit the jump for our predictions. Spoiler alert: we’re probably not right.
Walter Richardson – Emma Frost
Now, I haven’t read either Phoenix: Warsong or Phoenix: Endsong, but I do know that one of the Stepford Cuckoos becomes possessed by the Phoenix Force within the pages of one of them. Thus, why not Emma? It would bring the Phoenix into a completely different light: Emma is more telepathic than telekinetic, whereas the Phoenix is more of a telekinetic force, and it would be very interesting to see how various writers portrayed that. There’s also the fact that Emma declared vengeance on the destructive force after it killed thousands of mini-Emmas — not only does this make for interesting character development in the struggle against one’s self, it also is complemented by the previously mentioned telepathic/telekinetic contrast that the hypothetical Phoenix Emma would have. Cool, huh?
I’ll be honest, though; that wasn’t my primary goal with this. No, I merely wanted to give the proverbial finger to those Jean Grey fans out there who view this as Jean’s big chance to return. I’m sorry, but the best thing that Jean Grey ever did was die. In ye olde days of Lee and Kirby, Jean was a pathetically uninteresting character, like most of Lee’s female characters were early on — which Stan the Man readily admits — and even though Chris Claremont, the true mutant messiah, tried to make her a stronger character through giving her the powers of the Phoenix, all he did was make her a walking, talking, sometimes flying plot device. There was just so little there to work with that her powers became her character. Emma, on the other hand, is a much more complex and multifaceted character than Jean ever was, and giving her the Phoenix Force might actually result in something interesting besides plot device! And you just know how much it would piss off the Jean fans who have been complaining since the end of Morrison’s New X-Men run that “Emma just isn’t right for Scott like Jean was!”
Joshua Mocle – The Scarlet Witch
A character with immense power and an incredibly fragile mind bordering on a multiple personality disorder. One who has undergone immense tragedy and in her time been a force for immense good and terrifying evil. A character who, on multiple occasions, has altered reality and changed the very fabric of the Marvel Universe for good and ill. Which of these attributes of a Phoenix host does not sound like Wanda Maximoff to you?
Let’s face it, her being a primary focus of Avengers vs X-Men alongside Hope Summers is no coincidence. It was clear that from her reappearance in Avengers: The Children’s Crusade that whatever the future held for The Scarlet Witch, the implications of it would be huge. And what is more huge than being possessed by one of the most fearsome psychic entities in the entire universe? And besides, much like Bucky’s “death” in Fear Itself and the Sentry losing control to the Void in Siege where Marvel has telegraphed their “twist” endings almost completely, the fact that this route makes so much sense to me leads me to believe it’ll be the path they take (at least for an issue or two). And who knows, it might just work.
Gilbert Short – Deadpool
Because he looks so pretty!
David Harper – Jean Grae
Good god, am I both bad at spelling and obvious at selecting who I think will embody the Phoenix Force in the creatively titled Avengers vs. X-Men? No. No I am not. I’m not talking about the ginger Jean Grey, I’m talking about the underground hip hop artist from America via South Africa, the one who stormed onto the scene and disappeared faster than you can say “selling musical services on Craig’s List.”
Why her? Well, she’s not busy really (unless you count releasing mixtapes as “busy”), she allows Marvel to build excitement for “Jean Grey’s return!” and you know Kieron Gillen would bite Steve Wacker’s arm off for the opportunity to write a mini-series about her. She’d make it rain on dem hoes, and by dem hoes I mean the enitre Marvel universe. And by make it rain I mean…eradicate. Or something like that. Buy the event people! Find out that I’m right!
Brandon Burpee – Doop
I really don’t know why he would be the Phoenix Host. More or less, this was a “Billy Madison and the blue duck” kind of deal. I’d never seen Doop as the Phoenix host and couldn’t find any pictures of it online, so I just wanted to see what it would look like. I tried to add the Phoenix behind my image, but I used Mac Paintbrush and couldn’t figure out how to layer. I think the final product is much more effective in proving my case as to why Doop should be the new Phoenix host anyway.
As an added treat to Doop fans, if you use the Doop translator, you can see what Doop has to say in the picture. Hold on to that translator, as Wolverine and the X-Men adheres to it when Doop speaks as well. (Honestly — go back and look at issue one!)
So do I pass first grade?! I do?! That’s Dooptastic!
Brian Salvatore – Gene Parmesan
With both the X-Men and the Avengers hunting down the Phoenix Force, the new host has to be a master of disguise, able to fool even the most cunning of hunters. And so, it felt only right to turn to Orange County, CA’s #1 master of disguise/private detective, Gene Parmesan!
You would never think to look for the Phoenix Force in a big blue bear costume, would you? You wouldn’t call the Phoenix an “idiot with balloons,” would you? Would the Phoenix Force work in a hospital? Or as a fireman? Or even hang out in Mexico with a fake mustache? I THINK NOT. The only way to hide long enough for world domination is to hide in plain sight, Parmesan-style.
(Apologies to those who never watched Arrested Development. Actually, you should be apologizing to yourself. C’mon!)
Matthew Meylikhov – My cat Boots
If the Phoenix Force is actually coming back to Earth, then it needs a functional host. It needs someone with the intelligence to utilize it effectively and for the benefit of all; someone with the clarity and proper sense of self to not be possessed by it, or give in to its darker side and threaten us all. We need someone with a healthy diet, who eats his dinner every night like a good boy. The Phoenix Force demands competency, inner tranquility, and stability from its host, and it probably also wants someone who isn’t a fan of water, given that it is a being of fire and all that. Most importantly, though, it needs someone with an adorable punam, because.
In my collected days alive on this planet, I’ve met many people of many different varieties; I’ve read stories of heroes galore. But out of all the people that I’ve met and all of the stories that I’ve read, none compare to my cat Boots. He’s loyal, intelligent and a fierce fighter (I can’t recall the amount of toy mice, shopping bags and pipe cleaners he has quickly and effectively bested in a battle of both wits and strength). In my time knowing him, Boots has proven himself to be the strong and silent type, whose actions speak louder than words. He carries himself with a sense of poise and dignity like no other, a radiant purveyor of comfort and warmth to all. While he is certainly fairly young, he has proven himself wise beyond his years, and he has taught me more than I think I’ll ever be able to teach him.
We are at the whims and mercy of whomever the Phoenix Force chooses, and we best hope and pray that that someone has our best interests at heart. That someone is my cat, Doctor Chairman Boots Meowlikhov, Esq.
Well, most of the time, anyway.
