Multiversity Lights the Menorah: Night Seven

Graphic by Chad Bowers 

From the desk of Brian Salvatore, friend to all the Jews:

L’chaim! The Multiversity Comics staff is a multicultural bunch, and wanted to spread around the holiday cheer to our chosen brethren with our new series: Multiversity Lights the Menorah!

Each night, at sundown, we will light another candle on the Menorah and tell a tale of a story, creator’s run, or general theme in comics that, much like the oil that lasted eight nights for the Israelites, went on for far longer than any of us could have expected. Taking up arms with Judah Maccabee to topple Antiochus’ regime and reclaim Judea is Matthew Meylikhov, bringing Jeph Loeb’s Rulk as his weapon of choice.

So, grab the shammus and light the seventh candle, Matt!

Click here to relight the sixth candle, or the fifth, fourth, third, second, or first.

In the wake of World War Hulks, it was time for the jolly green giant to get a relaunch. Greg Pak’s run on the character throughout Planet Hulk had taken the character to such extreme highs that upon the story’s culmination, there was question of where to take the character next — especially since Marvel needed a Hulk-based title and Bruce Banner was in jail by the end of the story. So, assuming that big names will sell big comics, Jeph Loeb took over with a brand new Hulk #1 and, most importantly, a brand new Hulk.

Effectively now starring the Red Hulk, the character rampaged through the book, killing off other Hulk villains, creeping on She-Hulk and generally causing chaos until eventually Bruce was released to fight him. However, as luck would have it, the Red Hulk was just so powerful and so cool that he couldn’t be stopped, no matter who came after him! When Thor battled the Red Hulk, Rulk brought Thor to the moon, stole his hammer and beat him up. When She-Hulk rounded up a crew of gals to take vengeance on the Rulk, all of whom should have over-powered him, he still managed to beat them all and get away in a last second double-cross. All he seemed to do was piss people off — but that’s ok, because we had an “all-star creative team!” and everybody wanted to know just who he really is.

Really, spell it “Jeff.”

As time went on and the story plugged along, Rulk kept plodding away, smashing here and smashing there, occasionally making veiled remarks about how Bruce hurt his feelings or something. It was all supposedly going to reach a head with the relaunch of Incredible Hulk at #600, which featured the title splitting between Hulk and Incredible Hulk (with Greg Pak on Incredible Hulk). The issue would mark Loeb’s 13th issue on the book after a year long mystery, and the 600th solicit provided hope for everyone who was curious as to the Red Hulk’s identity: “WHO IS THE RED HULK?! THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN IS GOING TO TRY AND FIND OUT! GREEN HULK! RED HULK! SPIDEY! SECRETS REVEALED!” Yet, lo and behold, as the 600th issue rolled around, the big reveal was that Rulk was working with MODOK, and then he hugged Bruce Banner’s gamma powers away.

Perhaps it was really all our fault. The book was selling well enough to warrant Loeb another year to tell more of his story, so why not drag it out if you can? Most people had expected based on Loeb’s previous work with Hush or the Long Halloween that twelve issues were enough of a tease, but no, they apparently weren’t. Loeb’s already confusing run (which contained, for the record, six issues of Rulk beating everyone, three issues of Rulk being beaten up by female heroes while Hulk turned back into Mr. Fixit, and then three issues of Rulk and some random bad guys beating up Hulk and the Defenders — not to mention the now infamous scene of Rulk punching the Watcher for no other reason than because) was going to plod on for another twelve issues and a few spin-offs/one-shots here and there.

Since then, we got such memorable stories such as the introduction of Red She-Hulk and the formation of Code Red (featuring a bunch of red dressed heroes and villains fighting alongside Rulk against X-Force), the “death” and funeral of Thunderbolt Ross, the integration of the Savage She-Hulk from Dark Reign, and the ressurgence of Rick Jones as brand new Blue Hulk A-Bomb. With the book now filled to the brim with Hulks and villains galore, it all culminated in two completely neccesary event-esque stories, the Fall of the Hulks and World War Hulks, in which EVERYBODY BECAME HULKS! SMASH-TASTIC!

Oh, right. And Thunderbolt Ross turned out not to be dead, because he was actually Rulk, something something life model decoy killed something something no mustache something something.

This series lasted 24 issues, complete with at least five spin-off minis and four one-shots that I can remember, not including Greg Pak’s “World War Skaar” story. That’s at least 26 issues of Jeph Loeb and various artists essentially dicking about with the identity of Rulk, using that one mystery to sell the entire book and keep the title going as opposed to an actual story. That’s at least 25 issues of teasing and “Oh, hey, are you gonna see him now? Are you gonna see him? Eh? EH?? Nawww, maybe next arc!” That’s 1 issue of “OH! Hey! Look! You thought he was dead, but naw, jokes on you!” followed by another issue of what can only be called an explanation but really reads like a jumbled and collected mass of dishonest continuity switcheroos to somehow justify everything that came before, followed by yet another issue of Banner just beating up Ross. Again. That’s a total of two years to just have everything end up as it always was, except now everyone is a Hulk. Well then!

Honestly, I don’t care that Loeb’s extended Hulk story was as bad as it was. Jeph Loeb writing a story with giant muscled characters smacking each other around is not something I would’ve thought I’d like anyway, so the fact that I didn’t wasn’t surprising, nor is it something to actually gripe about. The only thing that I generally don’t understand is why it took so long to get to the point. A year long story about a mystery new character? Sure, I can somewhat dig that. A two-year long story about a mystery new character who never evolves past the point that he is just a “mystery new character”? That’s ridiculous.

The only problem is that, unlike a medium like television where you pay a base fee to get X amount of channels, comic consumers buy stories individually for $2.99-$3.99 a pop. Comic consumers invest heavily in stories, and don’t take too kindly to getting knocked around by creative teams trying to keep a vapid relationship going. If comic consumers have a choice between “storyline featuring characters who will develop and grow throughout the arc” and “storyline featuring characters who will just punch each other excessively,” most consumers (if not all, obviously) will go for the former and sneer at the latter. How do we know this to be true? Because that was what happened. And, despite selling fairly well all things considered, Loeb’s Hulk remains one of the most critically reviled runs on the book.

All things considered, it didn’t end up horribly. Hulk in the hands of Jeff Parker is one of the best books Marvel has. The Rulk himself has evolved into a character actually worth following, and Thunderbolt Ross — a villain whose most identifying characteristic was once that “he has a mustache!” — has become an anti-hero whose adventures mean something. His character grows with every arc, and Jeff Parker with artists like Gabriel Hardman and Patrick Zircher have turned a critically reviled book into a critically acclaimed cult hit. All it took to make Rulk into something worthwhile was to remove the “I WANT TO PUNCH EVERYONE IN THE FACE LOL” attitude and replace it with a character actively seeking retribution who is too stubborn to ask for help; everyone loves rooting for the underdog!

And you know what? What Loeb ran into the dirt with 24+ issues, Jeff Parker turned around in under 6. All’s well that end’s well.

Don’t bother enlarging, it just says “I WANT TO PUNCH EVERYONE IN THE FACE LOL”