We here at Multiversity get pretty excited about the holidays, and this year we’re sharing that excitement with the rest of you as we celebrate that wonder of wonders: THE HOLIDAY COMIC!
Each day for the next twenty-five days, and in no particular order, we’ll be featuring one yuletide yarn set to the tune of tidings of comfort and joy, and today we have our third book so far to feature Santa Claus and a gun on the cover: Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #112!
Check after the cut for the least Terminator-esque Santa Claus you’ll find hidden under a Terminator-based comic cover this holiday season (outside of Terminator’s 2011 Christmas Party).
Day #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10
Who Did It? A little writer by the name of Peter David alongside artist Mark Beachum on art, with inks by Pat Redding.
What Is It About? It’s Christmas Eve in New York — a magical time for all (or so Hollywood/the Hallmark Channel/Harold and Kumar will tell you). But this particular Christmas in 1986, things aren’t going too great for Peter Parker. Not that they ever really are, but after the death of Jean DeWolff, that fracas with the Beyonder and his, quote, “problems with Puma” (which, just like the other two mentioned, clearly had a great impact on the history of Spider-Man), Parker could really use a friend.
The only problem is that everyone is busy. Or rather, everyone says that they will be busy, and before they can invite Parker along, he runs away crying.
The issue is largely used as a vehicle to introduce new plotlines/re-introduce dormant characters for future stories: Robbie’s son Randy returns (with a white wife, which I will assume was a bigger deal in 1986 than it is now), the Black Cat comes out of hiding and decides to be the female Robin Hood, Mary Jane’s aunt returns, Harry Osborn and Liz are having issues with their baby, and we learn just how many times Mary Jane has to wash her hair and in what weird positions she has to do it in to get that tiger-shine down just right.
We even learn that Doc Ock has a beeper and that, despite being a villain, he totally understands how it is when your beeper goes off.
 |
| This may just be my favorite Spider-Man panel of all time |
We’re also introduced to a Mr. Estevez, who tries for a single page to help a student from getting beaten by his father, only to be accused of being a pedophile on that same page. Christmas brings out the best in all of us.
So Peter Parker goes home to feel sorry for himself, get drunk on Coke, talk to himself and fall asleep curled up alone with his teddy bear. Please note — all of these things aren’t jokes, but what actually happens in the comic:
However, behind all the scenes, there are complaints of a secret burglar, who can get into you home without a sound and steal more than just milk and cookies. As the issue is almost over, with six pages of story to go, Spider-Man’s spider-sense goes off as his neighbors are robbed by none other than a disgruntled Macy’s Santa! Despite the Santa’s frightening firearm, Spider-Man chases the Santa out of the apartment and up to the rooftops. Santa slams the door behind him, only to be greeted by a suspiciously familiar large red silhouette.
By the time Spidey opens the rooftop door, the Santa has mysteriously vanished. “Oh well,” thinks Spidey. “At least I got to abuse my landlord in the chase sequence.” Did I forget to mention that? Because that totally happened, too:
The next day, however, Peter gets a call from work telling him he needs to come down to the Bugle to take pictures of a Santa giving out toys in the halls of the Daily Bugle. Cops note that this Santa confessed to all the burglary charges, yet stands here with Christmas cheer, handing out handcrafted toys to all the children. Could it be … ? Either way, a Christmas miracle none the less.
So Peter goes to Aunt May’s house for brunch with his aunt, Anna Watson and Mary Jane, and a happy Christmas is had by all.
Well, except for the two guys with knives outside the house, who apparently aren’t going to murder the Parker’s today if only because it’s Christmas.
But that’s another story for another time.
How Holiday Friendly Is It? The comic has basically nothing to do with Christmas; at least, not in any sort of overt way. It’s really a story about all the characters in the Spider-Man universe who are being set-up for future stories. There’s no Christmas cheer, because when Santa finally arrives he just holds a woman hostage with a gun against a wall. There’s no final moment of peace and joy, because the issue ends with two guys, a knife, and a weird stalker situation. The issue is, by and large, Peter alone and feeling sorry for himself while everyone gets on with their lives.
This is probably about as non-Holiday friendly as you can get, but there’s still something humorously endearing about a Peter David-written Spider-Man story in which Peter Parker aimlessly does nothing for 20-something pages and is then bested by a magical fat man. Given what little I know about Christmas anyways (what with me being a Jew and all), I’d say that counts as as holiday-friendly as anything else I’ve seen.
