We here at Multiversity get pretty excited about the holidays, and this year we’re sharing that excitement with the rest of you as we celebrate that wonder of wonders: THE HOLIDAY COMIC!
Each day for the next twenty-five days, and in no particular order, we’ll be featuring one yuletide yarn set to the tune of tidings of comfort and joy, and today we spotlight a five-issue mini about Christmas in a post-apocalyptic world full of zombies, marauders and drunk fat men: The Last Christmas!
Check after the cut for more on this multi-colored holiday fest.
Who Did It? A comedian by the name of Brian Posehn, a writer by the name of Gerry Duggan, and some artist I’ve never heard of named Rick Remender (with inks by Hilary Barta and colors by Michelle Madsen).
What Is It About? In a bleak and post-apocalyptic future, destroyed by nuclear warfare, Christmas is one of the few things remaining to bring any sort of joy into people’s lives. Santa, safe in the North Pole, anxiously anticipates the wishes of good little boys and girls who’ve managed to survive the desolation, and treats them with toys to pass the time and weapons for survival.
All is going well until one day, marauders mange to make their way to the North Pole, burning down Santa’s workshop, murdering his staff, massacring his reindeer and shooting his wife in the face. With a final bullet in Santa’s skull, the marauders ride off into the night, cackling as they go. Christmas has been ruined forever.
Unfortunately, Santa’s essence comes from being believed in by good little boys and girls. He wakes up, partially in the body of a disemboweled reindeer (the elves thought it would keep him warm based on a technique they saw in a movie once), and — finally realizing all that has happened, retreats to his home to drink himself to death, declaring “This was the LAST CHRISTMAS!” Now Christmas has really been ruined forever.
No matter how hard he tries, Santa just can’t seem to die. He plummets from a great height, lights himself on fire, hangs himself and more, but he just won’t go down. It is then that Santa learns that the reason he survives is that one singular child still believes in him, and that hope is keeping him alive. And on top of that, the kid wants a bike, the arrogant jerk! So Santa does what anyone trying to kill himself would do: he decides to kill the kid. Loading sleigh up with a murdering chainsaw and weapons galore, Santa travels through Canada and Seattle before being shot out of the sky over the financial district of San Francisco.
Recovering from a brutal hangover and not really up to the job of saving himself, he is rescued by the young boy who still believes in him. Bringing him into one of the few remaining societies on the planet, Santa is welcomed as a figure of hope in the bleak existence these people live. However, when the child accidentally learns why Santa really came, he disavows his love for Jolly Old Saint Nick, and Santa – with a change of heart – fixes his sleigh and heads back to the North Pole, promising never to return. It couldn’t happen at a worse time, either, as it turns out that one of the inhabitants was plotting with mutants and zombies to invade and destroy everything and kill everyone. Oh, humbug!
Reaching out to Santa one last time, the boy pleads for a rescue — and Santa abides! Bringing out the ol’ murder chainsaw and decking out his sleigh with weapons galore, Santa returns to bring the pain to the evil mutants and marauders. Teamed up with gingerbread men, elves and a psychopathic narrating snowman, Santa and his team are able to save the people, but not before the kid and his excessively attractive/endowed mother are kidnapped by the final marauder — the same one who murdered Santa’s wife.
Continued belowAfter a high-speed pursuit full of more puns, Santa is able to save the kid, save the girl and save Christmas. After some well deserved yuletide cheer and two outdated jokes about Abu Ghraib, Santa declares that Christmas is back on! Hooray!
How Holiday Friendly Is It? I don’t know. You tell me:
It’s excessively Holiday Friendly! I mean, provided your holiday is usually filled with excessive violence, alcohol, swearing and filthy, filthy mutants.
I’m guessing, for most of you, that doesn’t describe your holiday. However, if you just so happen to be enrolled in the Jean Grey School For Higher Learning, boy, have you lucked out!
