Welcome back to Mutantversity, a class offered at the Krakoan Akademos Habitat. This isn’t a place to find big reviews of X-books, (that’s what our Review section is for!) but it’s a great way to keep up with one of the most complicated superhero series around. We’ll learn, we’ll laugh, and when we find ourselves with enough swords, we’ll keep ’em and double ’em. But most of all, we’re going to dive into the deep end as we try to parse all the secrets of this new era of “X-Men” comics. As your designated X-Pert, I will do my best to help you work through everything Marvel’s Merry Mutants have to offer!
Here’s how it’s going to go. First we’re going to recap the last month of the ongoing superhero soap opera that is “X-Men,” focusing on the titles that are really driving the story. Think of it as your monthly headlines into all things “X-Men.” Next, I’ll tell you which X-books I looked at this month, and whether I thought they were worth reading. Finally, we’re going to award our very special Monthly Mutantversity Medals of Merit to close out these issues of “X-Men.” Stick with me true believers, and maybe we’ll survive this experience!
The Twenty Five Challenges
At the beginning of this eXcellent event, I thought I was going to be recapping ten 1 vs 1 battles as the Krakoan swordsmutants battled those from Arakko. What transpired was something very different. The whims of Saturnyne turned the tournament into something a lot more random and wild. Which is OK! But a lot of battles happened in montage form. Fortunately, a chart in “Cable” #6 called “Battlelog” gives us a summary of each challenge.
The first shock happened in the first fight. It seemed that Betsy Braddock was destined to be the main hero of this story- but she didn’t survive her first duel! That’s what happens when you go up against someone named The Unbeaten. Betsy was shattered like a glass window. I kept waiting for her resurrection, but the story ends with her becoming a window through which the reformed Captain Britain Corps- mostly made up of Betsys Braddock- was summoned.
The surprises didn’t end there. The second “fight” turned out to be a wedding between Cypher and Bei the Blood Moon. And for some reason his powers don’t work on her, so they cannot even communicate. Doug is a big dummy, and by the end of the story he decided he was totally in love with his new BAE… I mean Bei. I’m not saying folks can’t make arranged marriages work, I’m just saying that nerdy Doug Ramsey leapt into a surprise marriage with both feet, giving no thought to his best self/friend/sword Warlock and the island that clearly loves him. Drama!
Magik vs Pogg Ur-Pogg should have been the coolest fight ever, but it turned out to be just an arm wrestling match! Later they go to have a proper fight and it turns out that everyone’s favorite rhyming four-armed croc mercenary monster is teeny tiny! Itty bitty! He’s real cute, and I can’t wait for him to menace Marvel characters in the future.
The Wolverine vs Summoner duel was the next shocking twist. Logan survives the fight of course, that wasn’t really in doubt. And Summoner seems to be dead (as much as anyone ever is in comics), which was a mild surprise. But it turns out that a “fight to the death” is won… by dying! So despite Logan gutting the treacherous Summoner good, the point actually went to Arakko.
After that, things really start to get wacky. There’s a dance contest. An eating contest. A drinking contest. A foot race. A puzzle challenge. At one point, Wolverine and the White Sword are made to reflect on their victims. Logan can’t endure the memories, so Arakko gets the point. Brian Braddock can’t kill a kitten, so that point goes to Arakko too. Stuff like that! By challenge 23, Arakko is winning and the score is 18 to 6.
That’s when Gorgon steps out. Though never in the spotlight for this event, it’s clear that this is the kind of situation he thrives in. Duels, intrigue, riddles, and magical bullshit? Tomi Shishido was made for this. His fight is against 100 Arakii warriors. And he dies. But he goes down like a total boss, taking a bunch of dudes with him. RIP Gorgon! But he did even up the score 19 to 19.
The final challenge is between estranged married couple Apocalypse and Genesis. Though it’s been made clear before this fight, it is through their struggle that the powers of Annihilation are made clear. It can control Genesis through her mask, making it a brutal fight. It ends as dramatically as these things can get. Big A has Genesis on the ropes. Her evil hat has been knocked off. And… he changes. The guy who has been shouting the same catchphrase for 5000 years grows up a bit. He surrenders. Just in time for a big ‘ol demon army to show up.
Big ‘Ol Demon Army
So a quick recap. In ancient times there was a mythical island called Okkara, but it was split into two, Krakoa and Arakko. Both of those islands are living, conscious beings, and both of them are considered mutants in the modern day. Krakoa is on Earth. You know Earth. And Arakko is in a dark realm called Amenth. It is the demons of Amenth that are now invading Otherworld, which is bad news.
The Krakoan mutants make a hell of a stand. Magik, Wolverine, Storm, Captain Avalon, and Apocalypse kick serious demon ass. But it’s a case of being hopelessly outnumbered right? The final two issues of this comic are that scene from The Two Towers played again and again. You know, “Theoden King stands alone.” And then someone gets to say, “Not alone.” And then they save the day.
With Annihilation out of the picture, a bunch of the Arakkii defect. Then, Jubilee shows up leading a bunch of druids! Then Saturnyne shows up riding Jubilee’s son Shogo, who is also a dragon! (Man, you ever have that moment when you remember that comics are nuts?) THEN the entire reformed Captain Britain Corps flies in too! One of them is a purple ape! A British Grape Ape!
Meanwhile, Scott and Jean have pledged to save their son. This goes against the will of the council, and Jean is actually voted out. She don’t care! Because she’s an X-Man. “You formed the Quiet Council to be the government of Krakoa,” Scott says. “Well… the X-Men are heroes. And we will save those who need saving whatever the cost.”
And thus, the council votes to disband (or disavow) the X-Men. What’s sort of spectacular is, their arguments are really sound. There are a lot of people who associate the X-Men with all mutants. They do have an outsized presence in the minds of people. And if for some reason you don’t want mutants to be associated with heroes and saving those who need saving whatever the cost, I can see how that would be a problem. But um…
Backup arrives in the form of the final sword. Or should I say S.W.O.R.D.? Cable uses his spaceblade to turn on the S.W.O.R.D. ship and Cyclops gets to crash it into the bad guys. Jean shows up leading… the X-Men! Fighting together in the first big way since HOXPOX! Cue the theme song to the animated series!
From A to Pocalypse
The aftermath of the fight is where the future of mutantdom is decided. Krakoa and Arakko agree to an exchange of… well, prisoners essentially. But it doesn’t really feel like that. Apocalypse volunteers to leave Krakoa and rejoin his family. This feels like a tremendous deal. The Big A has been one of the most major X-Men and indeed, one of the most imposing Marvel villains since he first showed up in 1986. But he’s never really been a likeable character. If nothing else, this event succeeded in making him feel like a person. You understand how twisted and extra his stupid ideology is, but understand that he also does feel real feelings.
Continued below
And now he’s leaving. The door is open for him to return to regular Marvel comics, but this story moved the needle on En Sabah Nur in a big way. When he comes back, I’m going to feel different about him. That’s what an ongoing superhero comic is supposed to feel like! And it’s so rare that it does in a profound way.
The mutant exchanged with Apocalypse is sort of surprising though. It’s… Arakko! The living island! We’ll have to wait until next month to see what that looks like. Presumably, it’s going to come over with a bunch of new mutant characters, and they are all going to have to learn to coexist. Sounds like pretty compelling drama to me.
So in conclusion- the evil powers of Annihilation were stopped. Genesis is restored, and reunited with her love, Apocalypse. The tournament is over and the Captain Britain Corps restored, made up this time of mostly alternate universe Betsy Braddocks. Our Betsy Braddock is now a window, through which other Betsys emerge. Gorgon is dead and if he ever returns, he won’t be the same Gorgon. Same goes for the Arakkii mutants Summoner, Death, and White Sword of the Ivory Tower. Arakko and Krakoa are in the process of reuniting. And Cypher is married to Bei the Blood Moon, which ought to cause no small amount of problems for his friends.
Oh, and we got to meet Pogg Ur-Pogg. All in all, a pretty good event!
This month’s Books:
“X-Men” #14 – Every so often you need to have a big exposition-y issue like this but thankfully, Hickman and co manage to make it a little mythic.
“Marauders” #14 – Who doesn’t love a good dinner party episode where the good guys and bad guys try (and fail) to play nice? Plus we get grouchy Wolverine and Storm flirting with a villain. Classic!
“Marauders” #15 – After a shocking fakeout, the dinner party continues to be exactly what you’d hope in a story like this!
“Excalibur” #14 – The fighting begins! And then it ends! And both outcomes are shocking and exciting.
“Wolverine” #7 – Some cool fights give Joshua Cassara the chance to draw the issue of his life.
“X-Force” #14 – A bunch of interesting stuff happened in this issue, and if it was well put together that would have been really cool.
“Hellions” #6 – Quietly, this might be the most fun arc of the crossover
“Cable” #6 – The thrilling contest hurtles towards a violent conclusion. All drawn by Phil Noto, nice!
“X-Men” #14 – Political maneuvers and a married couple going at it with big ‘ol swords. Must be an awesome Hickman issue.
“Excalibur” #15 – Like a zillion characters do a billion things, but all of them are pretty cool.
“X of Swords: Destruction” #1 – A fittingly epic end to an excellent event. Love and war and loss and hope abound.
The Mutantversity Monthly Medals of Merit:
The Cable’s Pouch of X-Treme Grittiness Award
Given to a mutant for demonstrating badassitude and commitment to the 90s aesthetic
Gorgon
There was a lot of cheesy ninja stuff in my 90s comics. And going down in a blaze of glory is pretty badass. But going down with double magical katanas in a ninja blaze of glory? That’s next level. Gorgon hasn’t gotten to be much of a character beyond being a scary formidable dude. Turns out, that’s all he needed to be. He died like he lived, swinging swords at legions of nameless mooks. RIP sweet prince.
Merriest Mutant Award
Given to a mutant who found a rare moment of happiness
Arakko
OK, if I’ve got this right… Arakko was a mutant island trapped on the demon world of Amenth. And at the end of the ‘X of Swords’ tournament, Apocalypse elected to rule over Amenth with his family, but sent Arakko to Earth. I’m gonna call that a big win for the island! It seems like Amenth was a dark, demon infested pit. Now it gets to reunite with Krakoa, perhaps re-form as Okkara and in the very least get some sunlight. I feel like being besieged by warlike demons is a bummer. And I feel like being a home for sexy mutant sunbathers is a real step up for ‘ol Arakko.
“Professor Xavier is a Jerk” Award
Given to a mutant who acted like a real jerk
Mister Sinister
As one of the most frequent recipients of this award, you’d think I’d be getting sick of Sinister’s shenanigans. Far from it! It takes a special kind of jerk to lead a villain team behind enemy lines, betray all of them, and then cry big crocodile tears about them. And he didn’t even get to meet Pogg Ur-Pogg! What’s the first thing Sinister does when he gets back from his hard day of backstabbing? He votes to disband the X-Men. Like the jerk that he is, Sinister has finally defeated his nemeses in the halls of power of a burgeoning nation. That’s so Sinister.
Let’s Talk About X Baby Award
Given to the sweetest, sexiest, bestest romantic couple
Apocalypse and Genesis
For this story to work, you have to buy into the love between Apocalypse and Genesis. That’s a tall order because Big A is prone to dialogue like, “I am APOCALYPSE! Look upon the future, AND TREMBLE! All who oppose me… shall be crushed!” Not exactly romantic. And Genesis is a brand new character. But Hickman and Howard understand that romance can be as bombastic as threats of genocide, and they give these star crossed lovers the epic treatment. This story worked because at the end, I was glad to see these two freak back together. I think that’s what love is.
Fastball Special Award
Given to a duo who exhibited great friendship, collaboration, and teamwork
The X-Men
It is the law that a Marvel event must end with a big ‘ol splash page of all the heroes showing up to save the day. And “X of Swords” delivered on this front. And what a splash page it was. It’s pretty cool that Jean, who hasn’t gotten a big moment in a while, got to lead the team. That feels right. And then, look at who chose to stand with the heroes in defiance of the council! It’s Gambit! And Rachel! Beast and Penance and Rogue and Rictor and Skin and Chamber and Polaris! Wildside is in there! And Doop! Hell, even Gwenpool gets to join the charge! These splash pages often feel perfunctory, but seeing so many mutants decide to answer the call, to follow Jean, and be heroes? That meant something. And together, the X-Men kicked serious ass.
MVX: Most Valuable X-Man
Given to an X-Man who embodied the values of the team and showed all around X-cellence
Cyclops
Who isn’t a sucker for a good hero speech? And Cyclops gave a great one. Ever since he was appointed Captain Commander, we’ve been waiting to see him exercise his powers in a true emergency. Slim Summers did not disappoint. He really settled into his dad role and relied on his family, trusted his team, and did the right thing. That’s why this award goes to Scott this month and not someone else. Because the core to being an X-Man is being a superhero even when you’re told, “No.” It’s recognizing right from wrong, and understanding that your power belongs to you, so you are responsible to use it in a way that helps people. Scott is not the most powerful X-Man, but he take the job of being a superhero the most serious. And this month, that’s what saved the day!
