Yesterday, I put up an article detailing some of the history of the fabled, ill-remembered 1993 Marvel Annuals. The thing is, though, as that article was being put together, we at Multiversity Comics looked at it and thought, “You know, telling the creators’ stories and sharing their anecdotes is nice and all, but what’d be better is if we just made fun of their ideas and hard work, like a bunch of pricks.”
So, with the aid of Matt Meylikhov, “Diamond Dave” Harper, and Gil Short, we’ve decided to teach you about the 27 Sensational Character Finds of 1993, while also running our mouths and acting like we’re too cool for superhero comic books (with occasional editorial commentary by me, because I can never shut my big fat mouth). Check out our cruelty after the jump.
Who was he? As a veteran of Desert Storm, Alexander Ellis lost his leg and signed up with the government to participate in a hackneyed version of the premise to the Bionic Man, receiving a brand new robotic leg and losing his memory thanks to a computer glitch. He in turn decides to become a villain and battles Spider-Man, because that is usually the logical next move after a life-changing surgery goes wrong, and eventually goes on to fight another evil robot veteran named Dunson before having his goodness “restored” (assumedly after Dr. Hillman Barto, his creator, was reminded by IT to “try turning him off and on again.”)
Where is he now? Annex was eventually assigned to the New Mexico branch of the Initiative after the Skrull invasion. After his superhero career went nowhere (specifically because he was in New Mexico), he decided to sell a special brand of crystal meth with another former member of the Initiative to the residents of Albuquerque, netting a fair deal of profit before coming under watch from the local pushers and the DEA. He was last seen half naked by an RV in the New Mexican desert.
ASSASSIN (Namor, the Sub-Mariner Annual #3)
Who was she? Apocalypse, in a rare moment of huffing a can of turpentine, decided that the ideal way to take down Namor, King of the Oceans, was to throw a sexy lady robot at him. That really says it all.
Where is she now? The Assassin went on to date Aaron Stack for a while, when he was wandering around the world “finding himself.” Then he dumped her to go live with the Celestials, and in her grief, she lowered herself into a vat of molten steel — her final gesture to give the Celestials a mocking thumbs-up before she completely dissolved. Then the Celestials saw the Statue of Liberty and realized that they were on Earth all along.
BANTAM (Captain America Annual #12)
Who was he? To put Bantam in a bit of historical context, Captain America once had a foe called the Gamecock, which I’m not making up and which readers may have been asked to take serious. The only obvious way to fix something as ridiculous as a rooster-themed enemy was, of course, to give Captain America a rooster-themed ally. The inside front cover of this comic book had an ad for the movie Cop and a Half, and somehow that movie has more dignity than any cock joke I could make here.
Where is he now? It ain’t pretty, what happens to these pro boxers (Bantam was a pro boxer — get it, bantamweight?). After descending into a life of crack addiction and COPS appearances, Bantam was finally helped back onto the straight and narrow by his friend, NFL SuperPro. Unfortunately, because NFL SuperPro can no longer appear in anything ever again, this story can never be told, including in the previous sentence.
Continued below
BLOODWRAITH (Avengers Annual #22)
Who was he? Bloodwraith was Dane “Black Knight” Whitman’s friend or something, until one day he picked up the soul-sucking Ebon Blade and became a super-powered asshole. I’m sure that this was an episode of Saved by the Bell back in 1989 or something, where Screech somehow became cool or studly or whatever and suddenly Zack was all put out. Plus, like Zack Morris, Dane Whitman is inexplicably popular with nerds who were in high school in 1990.
Where is he now? Bloodwraith went on to make a few increasingly weird appearances throughout the Marvel Universe, until he ate so many souls that he became disgustingly soul-obese. Now, like all fat people in chain mail, he mostly hands around renaissance fairs.
THE CADRE (Web of Spider-Man Annual #9)
Who were they? The Cadre is a collection of three evil babies left at a doorstep by the names of Shard, Vortex and Dementia. Clearly named for their affable personalities, these “shadowspawn” sneak away from their home and run wild in New York City, ruining Peter Parker’s romantic dinner with his wife Mary Jane (Apparently they were married? Does anyone remember this? Weird.) before eventually being stopped by Chloe, a Knight of the Templar Order. The trio are brought to a new home, where Chloe attempts to rehabilitate them into a normal life amidst fear that they will be recruited by the evil Seth the Immortal — but little does she know, the dastardly trio are attempting to make contact with the greatest villain of all… their mother!
Where are they now? The Cadre have since been adopted by Angelina Jolie who, while not being their birth mother, offers up a pretty nice home regardless. Way nicer than that burned down monastery they were staying in, anyway. The jury is still out on whether or not Brad Pitt is secretly Seth the Immortal or not, though.
CHARON (X-Factor Annual #8)
Who was he? Charon is a Wikipedia-described “villainous wizard” whose sole appearance was in the 1993 X-Factor Annual, named for the mythological ferryman to Hell. In the Annual, said wizard teamed up with the evil demon known as Cloot for dark power, at the mere price of X-Factor’s souls. Of course, given that Charon was not a very good wizard, he failed in his attempt to kill the team, eventually being identified by Strong Guy as his childhood friend Charlie Ronalds. Charon was then swallowed up by Cloot for failing to deliver the souls, and was reunited with his dead parents in Hell, because what are comics for if not happy endings?
Where is he now? Charon was born a pretty shitty character, and it is assumed that that is what he actually is now, thanks to Cloot’s digestive system.
DARKLING (New Warriors Annual #3)
Who was he? Darkling (aka Asylum aka Henrique Gallante) was essentially Fear Itself‘s The Serpent, except if his mom was an alcoholic during her pregnancy (true story) and instead of learning to hate his brother in his youth, he became a drug addict and went crazy because of his burgeoning mutant powers. So he’s less lame. [He also didn’t even have his first appearance in the New Warriors Annual, because it was part four of his introduction story. -ed.]
His powers connected him to the Darkforce (the same, completely illogical thing that gives Cloak his powers) and fed him energy off the fear and darkness in the world, and he went from being a Serpent level threat (taking on Dr. Strange, Spider-Man and the New Warriors at the same time) to a failed hero (his bad, dead kid) to a method of conveyance for Baron Zemo (Zemo’s Z-Jet was in the shop for a spell).
Continued belowHis biggest claim to fame is he has all 7’s on his 1993 Annual card power levels, which, as anyone knows, means he is a major badass.
Where is he now? Because Zemo is not very busy anymore (except some occasional dalliances with Sin and the Thunderbolts), Darkling spends most of his time watching the various seasons of HBO’s The Wire over and over so he can remember “the good ol’ days.”
DEVOURER (Daredevil Annual #9)
Who was he? Devourer was a fat, nebbishy security guard who got a nosebleed while Daredevil was foiling a museum robbery, and boy, did he pick the wrong cursed Mayan statue to bleed on. The statue transformed him into a feral, cannibalistic monster, which is exactly the sort of crap that Daredevil loves to deal with after a long day beating up pimps and Bullseyes and whoever.
Where is he now? After being cured of his whole “turning into a monster, killing, and eating people” problem, Devourer sold his story to Hollywood. When they asked who he’d want to play him, he jokingly said “Kate Beckinsale,” and next thing you know, a fourth Underworld movie is coming out sometime soon.
DREAMKILLER (Darkhawk Annual #2)
Who was he? He was some dude who used a being of some sort (or was it him, it’s not very clear) to exact revenge on those who “killed his dreams.” He never really made much sense, and he ran with his tail between his legs after getting smacked around by Darkhawk.
Where is he now? He’s probably working at MTV, killing everyone’s dreams, along with their brain cells. Also managed Lou Bega.
EMPYREAN (X-Men Annual #2)
Who was he? At some point or another, all of us dreamed of founding an island community catering entirely to people with gross mutant plagues. Empyrean had that dream, too — and made it a reality. He collected a bunch of jerks with the Legacy Virus and fed on their suffering, which nebulously enhanced his own power.
Where is he now? Remember that one time Colossus cured the Legacy Virus? Empyrean remembers slapping his forehead and going “well — shit.” He’s been out of work since, and is currently bumming around Occupy Wall Street, hoping a mass sickness breaks out so he can score a little vague mutant power off of it.
ERADIKATOR-6 (Punisher Annual #6)
Who was he? Eradikator-6 was found amongst the carnage of the ’93 Punisher Annual, in which Eradikator-6 – or Raddy, for short – surpassed five other crappy versions of a killer robot before finally being allowed to go out and kill on his own as the ultimate “smart weapon.” Despite his overall polite demeanor and ability to grow additional spider-esque legs simply because, the for-hire killing machine was taken out by Frank Castle in the same Annual he was introduced, thus assumedly paving the way for Eradikator-7, Eradikator-8, Eradikator-9, et cetera.
Where is he now? Eradikator-6 has since been refitted and reprogrammed, and can now be found on all modern iPhones under his new name, “Siri.”
FACE THIEF (Iron Man Annual #14)
Who was he? Arguably the greatest-named character of all time, Face Thief has the uncanny ability to take other people’s faces and put them on his face. Originally known as the Shinma demon Kao-Goto Suru, Face Thief came to be known as Face Thief (or “The Stealer of Faces”), because Kao-Goto Suru was too cool of a name for a character whose uncanny ability is to take other people’s faces and put them on his face. After being released from the prison of a mask, Face Thief comes to clash with Iron Man when Iron Man (under the guise of Tony Stark via a LMD) discovers that Face Thief (under the guise of Creighton McCall) is caught trying to sleep with “his” (Creighton’s) daughter. Face Thief and Iron Man battled, and Face Thief eventually ripped off his own face and disappeared, swearing to return. [I can’t believe this entire paragraph went by without a reference to Face/Off. Seriously. -ed.] (Because I hate Nic Cage and do not want to dignify him with a reference, Patrick. -EiC)
Continued belowWhere is he now? Face Thief was last seen right behind you.
THE FLAME (Thor Annual #18)
Who was he? The Flame was a product of an elf being raped by a fire demon, who was born so ugly that his father — a demon rapist — hated him and forced him to wear a mask at all times, despite him basically just looking like Orlando Bloom (demons have weird tastes in aesthetics). He eventually grew up to kill his father and take his sword, becoming the Flame and going on a murder rampage that eventually required Thor to bring some hammer-fueled justice to the situation. He then went on to be bros with Loki and fight Thor a few more times, resulting in an epic losing streak.
Where is he now? One might assume that when Ragnarok came for the Gods back in 2004 that the Flame was amongst those to perish. However, recently uncovered notes from JMS’ original Thor pitch from 2007 have since revealed that there were plans for the Flame to be found at a local fast food joint, flipping burgers and being ugly. Since he was never returned to Asgardian grace, we can assume he’s probably still there.
HIT-MAKER (Wonder Man Annual #2)
Who was he? Essentially a lamer, less powerful, multi-racial version of Wonder Man (if he dressed like a flamboyantly gay Cable), Hit-Maker appeared in one comic (save a cameo in Civil War), which happened to be a Wonder Man comic. In that comic, he repeatedly showed up other heroes and pandered to cameras to help bolster his non-existent movie career. In fact, the only person he really fought successfully in his career was a confused Wonder Man (he was either confused or he saw himself in a mirror). [Actual scene from his debut: Yelling at a director that a gang of thugs in some movie he was shooting was not authentically ‘street’ or whatever, while dressed as Vanilla Ice’s backup dancer’s boyfriend’s boyfriend. True story. -ed.]
Where is he now? After winning seven straight “best shoulder pads in the world” contests (as judged by Rob Liefeld and two Oakland Raiders fans), Hit-Maker is now busy creating his own anti-Avengers squad called “The Revengerers” with the rest of the 1993 Annual creations.
IRISH WOLFHOUND (Guardians of the Galaxy Annual #3)
Who was he? Probably the best hero that has ever been created ever, Irish Wolfhound (aka Cuchulain) was the greatest warrior Ireland had ever seen and the guardian of the legendary Book of Kells before he was beheaded (perhaps they were a tad early on the whole “greatest warrior” thing). He was resurrected 3000 years later thanks to some sweet future tech that cures decapitations to help defend the Book of Kells with the Guardians of the Galaxy. Once successful, he adapts perfectly to life there and looks to restore Ireland (because, you know, people from first century AD would have no problem getting used to 3100 AD).
Where is he now? In an attempt to bring back interest to Ireland in 3100 AD, Irish Wolfhound legally changes his name to “The Galaxy’s Biggest Leprechaun,” and he performs in a large daily circus in future Dublin that features grand versions of all of the greatest Irish clichés, including lots of whiskey and zero potatoes.
KHAOS (Excalibur Annual #1)
Who was he? His character name is Khaos and his real name is… Khaos, and he’s originally from a place called “Irth” (hmmm… sounds… familiar). He was a royal dark elf who was stolen in his infancy by presumably not dark elves (sort of like a really sucky Loki) and raised to be a “technomystical” badass that would end the eternal war between Irth’s warring tribes.
Continued belowTrue story.
When he succeeded at his mission, save for taking out an archmage named Ghath, he accidentally sent himself to Earth (616) in an attempt to kill Ghath. He then teamed up with Excalibur, took out Ghath, was accidentally exiled from Irth, was invited to join Excalibur, and declined due to his desire to recreate his teleportation spell that would take him home.
Where is he now? Between failing at recreating the teleportation spell he screwed up to begin with (I can hardly believe it), Khaos spends most of his time watching reality television and eating fast food. He currently weighs 550 pounds and claims he will end the eternal war of Irth “once the Kardashians are over.” They never end.
KYLLIAN (Doctor Strange, Sorcerer Supreme Annual #3)
Who was he? Basically a goon who gained powers because of magic tattoos that appeared on his body, Kyllian went off to wipe out the people who killed his prostitute sister (he was an enforcer for the same people) and was interrupted by Dr. Strange who took him on as an apprentice instead. Because he’s an insufferable asshole, Kyllian would essentially cover his ears and stomp around as Strange attempted to train him, shouting “I don’t wanna!” over and over.
Later on, he joined the team of Midnight Sons Unlimited for a spell, mostly because Vengeance, Morbius, Modred and Werewolf by Night didn’t want to feel like “the lame guys.” Thanks Kyllian (or should I say Wildpride, as he changed his name)!
Where is he now? He’s currently unemployed, occasionally getting work at tattoo parlors because of his “sweet ink.” However, whenever he goes over methods with the shop he storms off, shouting how they can’t manipulate him. Somewhere, Modred nods and smiles.
LAZARUS (Incredible Hulk Annual #19)
Who was he? Murdered by his wife and his business partner, Lazarus returned from death to exact revenge. Which he did. Say one thing for him, he’s efficient.
Where is he now? Probably wondering whether or not it was a good idea to end his only Marvel appearance by shoving his son, which people don’t really look at too fondly these days. Either that or he’s shoving his son again, this time into a wood chipper. Sorry, this got dark.
LEGACY (Silver Surfer Annual #6)
Who was he? More likely known to most as Genis-Vell, Legacy is another product of the ’93 Annuals, this time from the Silver Surfer Annual. Legacy is born when his mother Elysius decides she wants to have a baby with Mar-Vell after Mar-Vell died, so she artificially impregnates herself using Marvell’s genetic material and SCIENCE! to create her son, Genis-Vell, who is then hidden on a planet and given artificial memories which makes him believe he is the son of Thanos’ saner brother, Starfox (with assumedly no additional relation to Starfox’s true lover, Skippy). Genis is given the option to become the new Captain Marvel and is forced to take up his new role, declaring that while Mar-Vell may be gone, “his Legacy lives on!” Then Ronan the Accuser beats him up.
Where is he now? Legacy was eventually split into separate pieces and placed in the Darkforce Dimension in order to keep him from destroying the universe. I’d venture a guess that he is still probably there, forgotten and alone, because nobody cares about that weirdo.
NIGHT TERROR (Ghost Rider Annual #1)
Who was he? Originally Carl Blake (a member of some secret cadre of government agents), he became Night Terror when he was bit by a vampire named Steppin’ Razor. From there, he took that as a license to straight up murder everyone he came across. Because he was a murderous jackass, he was first effectively exploded by Ghost Rider and then he was possessed and charred to a crisp by the sun’s rays during a duel with Blade (at which point he literally ran into the shadows and never came out).
Continued belowWhere is he now? He winters in Barrow, Alaska and summers in Antarctica. He spends his time fist fighting polar bears, mostly because he’s kind of a dick.
NOCTURNE (Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #13)
Who was she? She was like the bastard child of Angel and the Inhuman Medusa. She had wings and could heal others, but also had prehensile hair. Think of her as a kitchen sink of superpowers, but not even one was cool. The kicker: “she can only speak with significant pain.”
Where is she now? She was at least mentioned in Civil War, and probably ended up on the superteam for Missouri or something, because the only town that can handle her Misery is… Missouri.
PHALANX (Punisher War Zone Annual #1)
Who was he? You’d think this was a cool character that was came from the same race as Warlock. However, because Punisher’s one-man war on crime didn’t have enough soldiers, they decided to give Frank’s one-man army a second member. Only this guy was a psychopath in a really ugly Iron Man costume with armor molded for his Mohawk hairstyle, because hair is the most important.
Where is he now? Like Nocturne, he actually showed up in later Punisher books, but he mattered about as much. And by that, I mean, “he was absolutely worthless.”
RAPTOR (Avengers West Coast Annual #8)
Who was he? Did you ever read Kingdom Come? Remember how Hawkman was this cool half man/half hawk…man who defended the Pacific Northwest and looked cool in the process? Well Raptor was kind of like that, only he was based out of San Francisco, and was not nearly as cool. When he was scared, he hulked out to a giant bird and pooped on San Francisco Yuppies’ heads.
Where is he now? Dead, most likely. Back in the 90s there was a problem with the California Condors sitting on power lines and electrocuting themselves. He landed on the same power lines during a particularly timid moment and died. And the bay area was better for it.
TRACER (Deathlok Annual #2)
Who was he? You know Deathstroke? That really awesome mercenary from Marvel’s “Distinguished Competition” that used to hunt down superheroic kids and take on the entire Justice League at once and was really cool? This guy is like the exact opposite of that. Sure, he’s a mercenary and somehow a CEO of his own company, but his worst enemy was Deathlok, who really wasn’t worth a damn until he joined Uncanny X-Force earlier this year. If Deathlok can smack you down… you should just hang up the armor.
Where is he now? He was referenced during Dark Reign, but luckily, he never picked up that armor again. If for nothing else, Marvel would be terrified that Tim Gunn would tear his armor apart from a fashion standpoint. Now works on the writing staff of Glee.
WILDSTREAK (Fantastic Four Annual #26)
Who was she? Once promised to be a major player post the ’93 annuals, Wildstreak didn’t make the cut. Why? She sucked. She really only appeared twice as a hero pre-Civil War (during which she got a surprising amount of face time, mostly because she was a hero that could be shown of no consequence), during which time we found out her dad was a former weapons designer for HYDRA, her prospective boyfriend was a soon-to-be-dead gun runner, and her main allies included beardfaced Thor rip-off Thunderstrike and the Prom King of Suck Psi-Lord while her main villains included “Big” John Buscelli (who sounds like an Italian wrestler) and Dreadface (who sounds so lame I am surprised he wasn’t created during the ’93 annuals).
Continued belowWhere is she now? After the Invisible Woman helped her escape from the Negative Zone Prison in Civil War, Wildstreak hid where no one could possibly find her: anywhere, because no one cares about Wildstreak.
X-CUTIONER (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)
Who was he? Carl Denti was an FBI agent or whatever who decided that the best way to take care of the Mutant Threat was to borrow a bunch of alien weapons from forgotten 1960’s X-Men villains and then go around murdering losers like Tower (from the Alliance of Evil). His bizarre, bizarre costume and recurring appearances in series that were once, in all defiance of quality, popular (like Generation X and X-Man) ensured that he left a lasting impression on X-fans, which says some really unfortunate things about X-fans.
Where is he now? Unlike every other X-Men villain in recorded history, X-Cutioner never became a good guy (or at least an anti-hero) and joined the team. When he put it to them that they should tell him why they were excluding him, Jubilee was heard to say, “I think walking around in a yellow trenchcoat is socially acceptable, and even I think you look like you shouldn’t be allowed to dress yourself.”
X-TREME (X-Force Annual #2)
Who was he? Adam X was a refugee from the Shi’ar Empire who had the very nineties name of X-Treme (remember when everything in the 90s was “extreme?” This guy was the reason why) and had the extreme power of being able to light someone’s blood on fire (provided it had been exposed to the air). So logically, he carried about 400 knives on his person at all times.
Where is he now? This guy actually did what the ’93 Annuals were supposed to do, which was introduce new characters and make them important. But while he was supposed to be the third Summers brother, he fell into relative obscurity for a while until he showed up on Utopia fighting the Juggernaut during Fear Itself, where he was the only plan which was “less than ineffective.” His abilities are less effective than not working at all. Damn bro, that’s gotta hurt.
