Want to keep up with the ever-advancing continuity porn of the DC and Marvel universes, but simply don’t have the time or money to buy every ongoing? We’re here to help. The Weekend Week In Review aims to give you ((usually) very) brief synopses of what happened in a select few of DC and Marvel’s titles – with a helping of sarcastic commentary – so that when some nasty old writer wants to punish you by heavily referencing a title you didn’t pick up, you won’t be left in the dark. Of course, that means that spoilers are in abundance, but I figure that you could figure that out.
While pretty, “Before Watchmen: Minutemen” continued to do the same thing it has been doing since issue one: tell a story while crowding itself with information that we already knew. At least two of the side plots were relatively new material: following the Sillhouette’s murder, we saw Silk Spectre trying to make up being awful to her by murdering her killer, and a bit of Eddie’s time in WWII. Sure, it’s a change of pace, since we’re used to seeing him in ‘Nam, but at the same time, we get it, he was in wars. Meanwhile, the main plot at hand, involving the disappearing children Ursula was investigating, went pretty much nowhere, aside from a “Oh, I guess I will take care of this now!” from Hollis and a flashback that revealed that this could even go back to when Ursula was still in Nazi-occupied Germany. I don’t know about you, but I’m glad we have less of this actually interesting story and more firm confirmations of the things that Alan Moore had only strongly hinted at in his original miniseries.
Oh, and there’s another play on the words regarding The Comedian and things neither being funny nor a joke. When will it fucking end?
The latest Marvel “Point One” anthology came out this week, NOW! with a distinctly Marvel NOW! flair. As we all know, last year’s anthology laid the groundwork for some of the most important comics of 2012 — “Age of Ultron” completely changed the nature of summer events, and to this day every issue of “Coldmoon & Dragonfire” sells out by Thursday at the absolute latest. Seriously, though, at least this was is a preview book for comics that have actually been made and solicited. But what happened?
The framing story centered on Samuel L. Fury adjusting to his new job, as some mysterious man from the future who had caught S.H.I.E.L.D.’s attention after making way too much dough in stocks asked to speak to Marcus in particular. If that kind of thing is going to freak him out in the slightest, perhaps the younger Fury isn’t cut out for this line of work. After dropping lines that purposefully led into the below-mentioned clips, some authorial political commentary — from Spencer? No! — and generally teasing that boy oh boy the future he’s from is going to be a shit hole for Marcus and America as a whole, the mysterious stranger uttered the equally mysterios word “Kobik,” causing some nameless S.H.I.E.L.D. guys to come in and shoot up the place. What does this word mean, and what does it have to do with Fury? It’s a goddamn preview anthology, you expect that to be answered here?
The first aside was Bendis and McNiven’s “Guardians of the Galaxy.” Now, I know what you’re thinking — “Bendis can hardly tell a gripping story in twenty-two pages, there’s no way he’ll be able to use only eight effectively!” And you’re right. In fact, it only tells a portion of a slightly revamped origin story for Star-Lord Peter Quill. While Quill was a young boy, aliens showed up at Peter’s house, zapped his mom, and got a face full of boomstick. In the process, though, Peter now finds a SCIENCE! gun in his mom’s room, and escapes his house shortly before it’s wrecked by orbit. Perhaps it’s a continuity gun that zaps away stories that prevent Bendis from using others’ pet characters that he wants to use?
The teaser for Loeb and McGuinness’s “Nova” is probably the easiest thing I’ve had to summarize for this column yet: While out flying, the new Nova is sneak attacked by classic Nova villain and general blunder Diamondhead, but Sam soon recovers, temporarily blinds and humiliates Diamond, and then flies away. Boy, between this and the “Guardians” one, I call tell fan-favorite Cosmic Marvel is in good hands!
Continued belowOkay, now on to what you really got this comic for (but not really since you are here listening to me babble): the Gillen/McKelvie “Young Avengers” teaser. Somehow, it seems Kid Loki — the adorable little devil! — had found Miss America on Earth 212, and had even extended an invitation to her for lunch, as well as a certain proposal: get rid of Wiccan, one of the most potentially dangerous beings in the 616. Being advertised as a bit of a hot-head was probably just a ruse — I’m sure America Chavez reacted well to that!
Or maybe not. Sure, it was part of the ad, but still, those are some good panels. As Miss America left, though, Loki hinted that this was all part of his plan to start the latest iteration of the Young Avengers. That’s cool, I guess, but if I were a master manipulator, I would make sure my plans didn’t include being punched in the face.
Fraction and Allred’s Ant-Man story served as a precursor to their FF run, and while it was a fun little tale, it was a bit… er, odd. For those who didn’t read “The Children’s Crusade” — myself included! — Scott Lang came back through the simultaneous meddling of time travel and chaos magic (not the Morrison kind), but at the end his daughter, Cassie, was killed by Dr. Doom. So, in this issue, Scott snuck into a high-profile Latverian event, and committed the most devastating act of revenge ever: drawing a pink mustache on a newly presented portrait of Doom.
…I mean, yeah, start small, but doesn’t that seem a bit insignificant in comparison to… you know, losing your kid?
FINALLY we have the X-Force story, which really is just Forge running around talking to himself (OR IS HE?!), fixing a mish-mashed together brain machine that turns out to be a maybe-maybe-not metaphor, and then the guy we were all pretending we were going to be surprised by but not really made his appearance in the ever effective final page reveal, even though his name was given on the panel of the last page (and once more on the last page for good measure!). You know, Cable.
Can you guess which hand he uses to masturbate?
This Week’s Contributors were:
Walt – “Before Watchmen: Minutemen” #4, “Marvel NOW!: Point One”
Anything we didn’t get to that you’re interested in? Email me at the link below! This also applies for if you read something that we didn’t and want to share it with others, as I, too, have only so much money and time to spend on comics. Don’t worry, we’ll give you credit.
