Want to keep up with the ever-advancing continuity porn of the DC and Marvel universes, but simply don’t have the time or money to buy every ongoing? We’re here to help. The Weekend Week In Review aims to give you ((usually) very) brief synopses of what happened in a select few of DC and Marvel’s titles – with a helping of sarcastic commentary – so that when some nasty old writer wants to punish you by heavily referencing a title you didn’t pick up, you won’t be left in the dark. Of course, that means that spoilers are in abundance after the cut, but I figure that you could figure that out.
“Avenging Spider-Man” #6 began like any other evening for Spider-Man – that is, with a ninja chase. But I thought this was part one of the crossover? Well, that’s what flashbacks are for, and by the second page we learned that Spidey was asked to check in on Matt Murdock and his drive containing almost every kind of information on the major crime organizations of the 616 by Mr. Fantastic, and just happen to run across said ninjas of the Hand on the way to Murdock’s place. The roofs of New York City just aren’t as safe as they used to be. While Peter tussled with the Hand, though, Matt had his own problem to deal with: one with a big skull spray-painted on his shirt. Frank Castle had stopped into Murdock’s office in order to get the Omega-Drive, though Matt refused due to his… punishing methods. Expecting this, Frank had his new lady friend blow a hole in Murdock’s roof and drop in, just as Spidey crashed through the window with over forty ninjas in tow. I do hope they all pay for it. The quartet jumped out of the already ruined window, beating ninjas on their way down. Frank and Rachel Cole-Alves even played nice, only incapacitating the members of the Hand rather than killing them. The four debated what to do with the drive, and Peter reacted to Frank’s suggestion of “gimme” about the same way as Matt:
Instead, the team came up with a plan that… well, I don’t quite get. To quote Hornhead and Webhead: “Draw all of Megacrime into the open –” “–and then, very showily, and very definitely, destroy the Omega-Drive before their very eyes.” Can’t say I see the point, but, then again, I rarely see the point in crossovers, either.
S.W.O.R.D. finally located Unit in the first panel of “Uncanny X-Men” #10, and quickly got a hold of Cyclops to let him know that creepy, chrome thing was where Hope had been sent. Scott’s response as team leader? Ditch the Avengers in the middle of their battle against Fin Fang Foom. Not cool, Scott; he could end up putting them in his pants. It might have been better if he hadn’t – as soon as the team was teleported in, Unit began embarrassing them: causing Colossus to wipe out his teammates, taking out Magneto, undermining Storm’s powers, and enhancing Emma and Namor’s lust for each other.
Poor Scott. Unless he’s into that kind of thing, which, you know, is fine, I guess. The entire extinction team was easily taken care of, save one member: Danger. The blue robot that no one really cares about finally made “her” presence known, incapacitating and capturing Unit in some kind of electromagnetic field. Having done this the team returned to the battle of Fin Fang Foom, but a little late – the Avengers had already vanquished him and had moved on to the cleanup stage. In a bit of week-later-foreshadowing for “AvX,” Scott was a total dick and completely ignored Captain America as he (politely) called the mutant leader out on his shit. Marvel really doesn’t want us to be the X-Men’s side, do they? As the team returned Utopia, Scott was privately cornered by S.W.O.R.D.’s Agent Brand, who asked that he hold onto Unit, or else face having X-Force exposed to the government.
That’s still blackmailing, Brand. Unit wasn’t the only inhabitant of Utopia’s prisons, though; Juggolossus told Scott that so long as his sister was kept imprisoned for others’ safety, Pyotr needed to be kept locked up, too. This was, obviously, Gillen’s way of wishing everyone a happy National Siblings day, albeit a day late. I blame him being British. The issue’s epilogue revealed that Unit was still very much in control, that Danger couldn’t control it like she thought, and that it had only wanted to be captured so it could be close to Hope. An artifact of an extinct but almost Celestial civilization influencing the next host of the most destructive force the 616 has ever known? This won’t be good.
Having completely altered time by averting the pan-dimensional Celestial apocalypse, Reed Richards and his father, Nathaniel, decided to see the what the future held in store in “Fantastic Four” #605. As they arrived in the year 3012, Nathaniel apologized for never being there for Reed when he was a kid, but countered that…
Jesus, Nathaniel, awesome trips to the future or not, that is not cool on so many levels. Reed, though, didn’t seem to think that was so awful, and began doing his typical exploring thing (a.k.a. sending robots to do his exploring for him). An explosion soon revealed that the New York City of the 31st century wasn’t exactly an idyllic paradise, but the Skrull perpetrators didn’t get far before the future’s Fantastic Four showed up, consisting of Franklin Richards (when you can alter reality, age ‘aint no thang), some kind of Spider-Woman, and a new Human Torch, as well as… Ben Grimm? Sporting some kind of rock beard?
Yep, that’s him, alright. Nathaniel and Reed deduced that the week that Ben is human a year, thanks to the Future Foundation’s serum, would be the only week a year he could age. Father and Son then zapped forward another thousand years, because nothing says father/son bonding like watching the son’s best friend age slowly while his friends die and the world moves on without him. The Ben of the 41st Century had an even more impressive beard, and the two found him giving a speech to the massive, intergalactic graduating class of the Future Foundation, as Franklin had supposedly gone off to space to be buds with Galactus instead. Another thousand years, and Ben was all alone, with only the statues of his former family to talk to. The saddest part?
How horrible. After their final thousand-year jump, Reed and Nathan arrived just in time to see Franklin return to Earth and say goodbye to the finally deceased Ben. Reed finally had his “I’ve gone too far” moment and returned home, heading to the fridge to grab some beers.
They need to stop printing this comic on extra shiny paper. It really strains my eyes, and causes me to tear up. Yep, that’s it.
This week saw the first “Avengers vs X-Men” tie-in in the form of “New Avengers” #24. The issue was two-fold; on one hand, it gave us an explanation of who was on the helicarrier that descended on Utopia at the end of “AvX” #1. It did not, however, explain how a massive helicarrier could be somehow invisible while hanging above an island with a world class telepath, a girl who can use telepathic powers and someone who can SENSE metal objects near him. For an island full of mutants, you’d think at least one of them would have the power of observation.
On the other hand, it told the story of Luke Cake’s marital troubles with Jessica Jones post-“Fear Itself” and the return of Norman Osborn. For those not reading, Jessica has been very worried about the baby’s safety ever since the second volume of “New Avengers” started, and what with the nazi attacks and the riots outside her bedroom window, her anxiety is perfectly understandable. Unfortunately for her, Luke Cage is pretty committed to the hero thing, and as such the two unfortunately part ways.
Continued belowAlso, the Red Hulk delivers perhaps the weirdest pep talk of all time:
…Yeah? … YEAH!
Walt wants us to talk more about what is going on in DC in this article. He gave me two books to read and write about: “Green Lantern” and “Batwoman.” The only problem is, he asked the guy who just wrote a scathing article against DC Comics. Either way, I’ll try my best:
In this week’s “Green Lantern,” the first big tease at the “secret” of the Indigo Lanterns is revealed: apparently they’re all ex-interstellar convicts who were somehow forcefully converted into the power of the light by Abin Sur. Oh, man! What a shocker! Former convicts with compassion? And an important tie to a big historical figure in Green Lantern canon to create a new dark revisionist version of history? That is definitely not like anything Geoff Johns has done before on the “Green Lantern” book. Ever.
Other things happen in the issue, certainly: Hal Jordan finds out that his fake ring given to him by Sinestro does in fact suck and barely works (only allowing him to hit people and make constructs), and that Hal Jordan must be a fan of Tron — or, at the very least, Doug Mahnke must be (which is inconvenient regardless because DC is owned by Warner Bros, Disney’s rival). And, by the end of the issue, Sinestro is inducted into the Indigo Lantern Corps. Uh oh, gang! We also learn that Sinestro has a problem with people touching him:
He must be awful on dates.
Meanwhile, “Batwoman” continued to see JH Williams III playing with the storytelling format, by starting with the “ending” and then working to it through erratically captured moments time. We’ll do our best to put it in chronological order here:
- A month ago, this awful guy named Maro got his hand cut off and replaced with a sentient hook as penance for being a total scumbag and inappropriately touching children.
- Two weeks later, Kate’s father Jacob sits with her cousin Bette, praying for Bette’s recovery.
- Three weeks later, Kate was forced by Chase to spy on Maggie in their double life, mining for information in regards to the transfer of a woman named Sune who Chase wants to use to help with the case everyone’s working on, related to Medusa, the latest Gotham gang war and missing children.
- The next night, Batwoman attacks Maggie to get Sune — and somehow, the night before that happens, Chase steals a truck for Sune to be extracted in.
- Then Kate beats up Killer Croc, makes her final move against the villain of the arc Falchion (the head of the Medusa gang), watches Maro wine and is saved at the last second by a bow and arrow wielding Sune.
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| Chase: Master Seduction Artist |
All of these little events tie in to all of the other little events that have been shown through the entire arc as we get closer to telling the story we see. I liken it to being able to see a cake, but instead of being able to eat the cake you are lectured repeatedly about how the cake is made, starting with learning about the seeds that was ground to make the flour as well as seeing the birth of the chicken whose eggs would later be used and seeing the sugar and milk being extracted from sugarcanes and milked from cows.
Thrilling, I know.
Don’t get me wrong here — I like cake. How the cake gets made can be interesting too. But at this point, I’m just hungry for cake.
This Week’s Contributors were:
Walt – “Avenging Spider-Man” #6, “Uncanny X-Men” #10, “Fantastic Four #605
Matthew – “New Avengers” #24, “Green Lantern” #8, “Batwoman” #8
Anything we didn’t get to that you’re interested in? Email me at the link below! This also applies for if you read something that we didn’t and want to share it with others, as I, too, have only so much money and time to spend on comics. Don’t worry, I’ll give you credit.
