Want to keep up with the ever-advancing continuity porn of the DC and Marvel universes, but simply don’t have the time or money to buy every ongoing? We’re here to help. Our newest column, the Weekend Week In Review, gives you a (very) brief synopsis of what happened in a select few of DC and Marvel’s titles – with a helping of sarcastic commentary – so that when some nasty old writer wants to punish you by heavily referencing a title you didn’t pick up, you won’t be left in the dark. Of course, that means that spoilers are in abundance after the cut, but I figure that you could figure that out.
With the second issue of Fear Itself, The Hulk, Juggernaut, Titania, and Attuma were inducted into the ranks of The Serpent’s Worthy, and – along with The Serpent’s suddenly massive ranks of henchmen – began to cause mayhem on a global scale, destroying The Raft and Bruce and Betty’s suddenly okay relationship. Odin probably picked a terrible time to send Thor to his room.
Doom Patrol ended at issue with issue #22 with the titular team retaking Oolong Island from Mister Somebody, simply because there were no more pages to fight in (that’s not me being snarky, that’s literally what happened), and a cliffhanger that will never be resolved. Nobody noticed (that is me being snarky).
In this week’s Wolverine: The Best There Is (#6, for those of you keeping track), Wolverine was vomited on by a man who is out of control. I am, of course, figuratively speaking of Charlie Huston. Winsor, the man who literally (well, in terms of the story) did the same thing to Logan, was left for dead by Wolverine after a bit of a struggle, but the greater criminal is still at large.
Uncanny X-Force #9 had the covert ops team discovered by Magneto, who requested that Wolverine kill a former Nazi for him. Killing Nazis! Awesome, right? Turns out, not so much, considering the guy is a normal old man at this point.
The first issue of Prelude to Schism had everyone’s favorite mutants ready themselves for their greatest challenge yet: getting through Professor Xavier’s rambling reminiscing without falling asleep.
Moon Knight moved out to the West Coast in the first issue of his new ongoing, realizing that, as stupid as comic criminals can be, even the dumbest would eventually notice that trying to be a criminal in New York City is a terrible idea, due to 90% of Marvel’s heroic population lives there. While in L.A., he also discovered a defunct Ultron, as well as three new imaginary friends: Captain America, Wolverine, and Spider-Man.
The third and second-to-last issue of Annihilators revealed that the Skrulls are back, and have been using the Dire Wraiths as weapons. Tired of Skrulls? No you aren’t, you love Skrulls, but just don’t know it. Bring on Secret Invasion 2.
Romantic connections galore in this week’s Avengers Academy #13, which will forever be referred to as “the prom issue.” Pym and Tigra! Spider-Girl and Reptil (now a teenager again)! Mettle and Hazmat! Speedball and Katy Perry’s music! I think that’s a greater crime than the Stamford incident, but that’s just me.
Much like Doom Patrol, JSA All-Stars #18 ended with a cliffhanger, as Power Girl and the team struck a pose after saving the citizens of Albany and Syracuse from explosions caused by The Prince. Unlike Doom Patrol, I don’t think this was intentional. Like Doom Patrol, no one noticed.
Secret Six #33 was even more twisted than usual, with Catman meeting his mother in hell, only to find that she is now a lioness (I’m having terrible, Deviant Art inspired visions). In the end, Scandal saves Knockout, only to find out from the Queen of Hell that her girlfriend is going to die.
This week in Adventure Comics, the Legion Academy had their first prom, some of the teachers and kids hooked up, and warm feelings were felt by all. Wait a minute, no. That happened in Avengers Academy, the title that people actually read.
Continued below-Matt Meylikhov
Anything that we didn’t get to that you’re interested in? Email me at the link below! This also applies for if you read something that we didn’t and want to share it with others, as I, too, have only so much money and time to spend on comics. You’ll get a lovely credit below, as Matt and Josh did!
Thanks to: Matt Meylikhov and Josh Mocle.
