Want to keep up with the ever-advancing continuity porn of the DC and Marvel universes, but simply don’t have the time or money to buy every ongoing? We’re here to help. The Weekend Week In Review aims to give you ((usually) very) brief synopses of what happened in a select few of DC and Marvel’s titles – with a helping of sarcastic commentary – so that when some nasty old writer wants to punish you by heavily referencing a title you didn’t pick up, you won’t be left in the dark. Of course, that means that spoilers are in abundance after the cut, but I figure that you could figure that out.
Marvel’s second summer event began in Amazing Spider-Man #666, wherein Peter pretty much just went around doing whatever a Spider-Man does these days: stopping crooks, reverse-engineering his Spider-Man gadgets for more commercial applications, and playing poker with the Avengers. Carlie wanted to talk to Peter, but it slipped his mind. No big deal, she just developed spider-based powers. No, really, it’s no big deal, so have a lot of other Manhattanites (which, in and of itself, is a big deal, but Carlie developing them isn’t as big in the grand scheme of things). Meanwhile, it was revealed (again) that the Jackal was behind the “infestation,” and that he had transformed the resurrected Peter Parker clone Kaine into an even more monstrous beast than what he became in “The Grim Hunt.” Remember, the last time that these characters were major players was a great succe… oh.
The second issue of Schism began with Sentinels worldwide going haywire and attacking humans and mutants alike. Of course, the X-Men stepped in to save people, but it was revealed that the errors were purposefully engineered by the Hellfire Club’s new and very young Black King. I used that excuse when I my science fair project was a rushed piece of crap, and it didn’t work for me. Then again, superhero comics are supposed to be a sort of escapism from the world where we can’t get away with such logical excuses. Anyway! Quentin Quire showed up at Utopia, asking for sanctuary, and Scott… gave it to him. Well, both sanctuary and a stern talking to. Wolverine, of course, wanted to gut the punk, so I guess this is where the “schism” itself starts. Someone better tell Scott, since he spent a couple of panels shouting at Quire about what a great bro Logan is.
Detective Comics #880 had Dick on the hunt for an escaped Joker, who had apparently poisoned Commissioner Gordon’s former wife (not the dead one). Eventually he found the Clown Prince of Crime in Gotham’s sewers, where he had taken up residence in order to undergo a sort of psychological metamorphosis, so he could be perfect for Bruce’s inevitable return. No homosexual undertones there. Joker, however, claimed that he didn’t kill anyone – well, besides those that he killed on his way out of Arkham. You know what that means: James Junior did it. Cue one of the biggest DUN DUN DUNs in the history of DUN DUN DUNs.
In FF #7 we saw that Black Bolt escaped what would have been his death with the help of the teleporting plot device Lockjaw. Returning to his people, Boltagon was confronted by a bunch of demands from Kree who desired his help. Having just escaped the jaws of death, Black Bolt was a bit testy and told them all to piss off. Well, that’s not literally what he said, but he literally told them and thus utterly annihilated a good portion of the envoy. Blah blah blah, something about a prophecy, yadda yadda yadda, multiple wives, and hey! We’re finally able to resume the narrative where issue #5 left off.
Captain America & Bucky #620 changed the past a bit, and made it so that Bucky knew that Steve Rogers was Captain America from the very beginning. Sadly, we’ll never again see that iconic scene where Bucky stumble in on the burly Steve Rogers while he was changing, removing his shirt to reveal his rippling…Continued below
Matt Fraction’s The Mighty Thor continued into its fourth issue, with Asgardians fighting the Silver Surfer and Galactus and space. If that doesn’t sound awesome to you, then there’s nothing I can do to help you. Odin and Galactus were locked in a psychic battle, causing the other to live through assorted scenes in their past, but the Surfer and Thor were lacked in the more exciting battle. Hammer time indeed. While this was going on, Loki was up to mischief like usual, only this time “mischief” entailedpreparing to save Thor’s life with the help of the Weird Sisters. More exciting than all of this was Volstagg preparing to fight off the ever-threatening old Christians of Broxton. Sock one of ’em in the kisser for me, big guy.
Anything that we didn’t get to that you’re interested in? Email me at the link below! This also applies for if you read something that we didn’t and want to share it with others, as I, too, have only so much money and time to spend on comics. Don’t worry, I’ll give you credit.