Want to keep up with the ever-advancing continuity porn of the DC and Marvel universes, but simply don’t have the time or money to buy every ongoing? We’re here to help. The Weekend Week In Review aims to give you ((usually) very) brief synopses of what happened in a select few of DC and Marvel’s titles – with a helping of sarcastic commentary – so that when some nasty old writer wants to punish you by heavily referencing a title you didn’t pick up, you won’t be left in the dark. Of course, that means that spoilers are in abundance after the cut, but I figure that you could figure that out.
The schism that we’ve been waiting for finally happened in issue #4 of the miniseries of the same name. As the mega-Sentinel headed toward Utopia, the only people that were left to stand in its way were Logan, Scott, Generation Hope, and a few members of that previous generation of X-Men whom only Kyle and Yost care about anymore. Scott argued that everyone should stay and fight for his rock, whereas Logan took the Helen Lovejoy approach to the matter. When he didn’t get his way, Wolverine sulked off, only to spend the next bit of time rigging the entire island with explosives for when the Sentinel got there. “Hah! Now you have to leave! Or – ow – you can – goddamn it – start blasting – Jesus! – me, whichever you prefer.”
After a bunch of Batman-related comics, we finally got Batman #1 this week, which opened up with a good ol’ fashioned Arkham riot. which was quickly stopped by Bruce and… the Joker? Nah, it was Dick all along, using a fancy Wayne-tech disguise device. Dick has a thing for wearing other peoples’ costumes, it seems. Kinky. Shortly afterward, Bruce hosted a big dinner where he talked about the future of Gotham and all that stuff that rich billionaires love to throw around, and, like billionaires tend to do, he ended up leaving early to solve a murder. The corpse in question had been dead for five or so days, after being turned into a pincushion for some throwing knives with owls on them. Even spookier was the message “Bruce Wayne will DIE tomorrow” in flaming paint thinner. After running a DNA test on skin found on the knives, the killer’s identity was revealed to be… Dick Grayson? Man, talk about getting in character.
Only in Daredevil would you see a blind guy fighting some lions. I have to say, though, it would be even more exciting in real life. This was the scene #4 opened with, while Matt was trying to get a USB device one of his clients need after a mobster threw it in the zoo’s lion pit. After beating around and escaping some lions, you can bet that the mobster in question was a pushover. Cutting back to the boring lawyer stuff, Matt and Foggie have been doing just what they decided to do last issue: advising defendants who are stuck in the lovely position of being their own defense in a court of law. Their latest client? A blind guy who served as a translator for an investment corporation. After identifying two clients as Latverian by their voices, this guy was fired without any explanation. No problem, right Matt?
Oh dear.
Haly’s circus returned to Gotham in Nightwing #1, this time with significantly less acid involved (so far). But before we get to that, we need a scene of Dick beating up a nameless thug. Yeah! Woo! Wasn’t that awesome? About the time of the circus’s arrival, a mysterious stranger rolled into town, and killed two would-be muggers. Look, kids, foreshadowing (I guess, but not technically)! Dick went to the big top to say hello to his old friends, including a clown wearing a purple shirt. Seriously, in Gotham that is probably some kind of misdemeanor. After exchanging pleasantries and swinging around on the trapeze for a while, Dick was attacked on his way back home by a mysterious stranger (who I assume to be the killer from earlier) – a killer who claims to be after “the fiercest killer in all of Gotham.” Looks like even fictional characters are interested in picking up Snyder’s Batman relaunch.
Continued belowCaptain America #3 opened with Cap fighting the Ameridroid. Don’t know who or what the Ameridroid is? Well, basically it’s the mind of a Nazi scientist in a giant Captain America robot. I say this all the time in this column, but goddamn I love comics. Anyway, while Rogers was dealing with the Ameridroid, Sharon Carter got in a bit of a scuffle with Zemo, and the two were on relatively even footing. After Cap ripped the Nazi-bot’s face off (America, fuck yeah!) Zemo chucked Karen out the window and made a hasty escape while her and Steve were distracted. After bringing the robot to some kind of base with Nick Fury, Steve was surprised once the droid came back to life and knocked him out the window – even though earlier he remarked “I don’t think I did enough damage to cause a total systems shutdown.” Before the two hit the ground, they were ported to Jankovicz dream world, returning the Ameridroid to his human form in just enough time to be shot by Cap’s old war pal, Bravo. Then Cap got clocked. One punch!
Supposedly there was something in Red Hood and the Outlaws about Starfire being an empowered woman, but all I really got was boobsexboobs. Am I really going to have to use the Beaton graphic again? Okay, you scamps.
Anyway, before that happened Jason busted his buddy (I guess) Roy Harper out of a prison in the nation of Qurac, which pretty much solely exists for when DC needs Middle Eastern terrorists but doesn’t want to upset anyone, which is upsetting in and of itself. There was something about The Untitled and the All Cast and organs being removed from living bodies, but hell if I know what was actually going on.
In the once again relaunched Wonder Woman, Diana didn’t wear pants. There was also a pretty cool story about a pregnant woman being attacked by centaur assassins in order to prevent her child from being killed, Hermes being slain in the crossfire, Diana beating the crap out of said centaurs, and Apollo being an all-around dick, but think about the pants, people!
Anything that we didn’t get to that you’re interested in? Email me at the link below! This also applies for if you read something that we didn’t and want to share it with others, as I, too, have only so much money and time to spend on comics. Don’t worry, I’ll give you credit.
