The cover of this “WicDiv” special really says it all- Medusa keeps objectifying people, and Kieron Gillen is addicted to bad puns. By the end of this issue, one of those things is going to become a critical piece of “WicDiv” lore. Funny, one-off issues like this were once a comic book staple, but it seems like it’s been a long time since any major series has tried to make one. In this case, “The Wicked + the Divine: The Funnies” isn’t so much a comedy spit take as it is a loving roast of the extremely passionate, insular “WicDiv” fan community. In other words, you, the person reading this column.
“The Wicked + the Canine” by Kieron Gillen and Erica Henderson
The joke here is… dogs? Since this was a funny little thing thrown together by a group of creative friends, it is entirely possible that every page is full of inside jokes. I even caught a few myself. As near as I can tell though, this story exists to give Erica Henderson the chance to draw cute dogs. And thank all the gods it does, because Erica Henderson draws the best cartoon animals in the biz.
Most of the “WicDiv” creators are cat people (more one this later), but obviously a lot of care and attention was given to which god is assigned which breed of dog. And while colorful Amaterasu and mask-wearing Tara are very funny, for my money, nothing beats hound dog Urdr, who has just the stupidest face. The stupidest.
“The Wicker + the Divine” by Lizz Lunney
The first image we see in “The Wicked + the Divine” is a table full of chairs. It really left an impression on Lizz Lunney, because she did an entire extended bit about the chairs being anthropomorphized. I don’t want to overexplain the joke. Lizz has a really funny art style, and she drew chairs.
“The Lost God” by Chip Zdarsky
Is there anything funnier to comic professionals than being really mean to Chip Zdarsky? Elsewhere in Image Comics, Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky created a “WicDiv” porn parody in their series “Sex Criminals.” (It was called the ‘Lick-ed and the Divine’ and involved Amaterasu, Lucifer, and a purple dildo). It’s only fitting that the feud continue, and I guess team “WicDiv” decided to let Chip do a self-own, because that’s the only explanation to this weird entry.
In this story, Chip Zdarksy and Matt Wilson are a ska band playing Pittsburgh called the Sweet Hep Zippers. They hear about the recurrence on the news, and Chip decides he needs to be a god. But before he can make it out the door, he’s greeted by a dead-on Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie. Kieron definitely actually owns that tie (and a suit jacket to go with it) and Jamie definitely is built like a brick house and scowling all the time. It’s perfect. Before Jamie beats Chip to death with his bare hands he says, “‘s about aesthetics, innit?” As someone who has had a conversation with Jamie McKelvie, I can indeed confirm that he talks exactly like that.
The story ends with Chip dead, and Kieron recruiting Matt to help them make the comic. I don’t really know where else this story could have gone, but in the words of Jamie McKelvie, “Wossat?! Time t’ paste this nob, innit?!”
“Gentle Annie Vs. The World” by Chrissy Williams, Clayton Cowles, and Dee Cunniffe
Chrissy Williams is the editor of “The Wicked + the Divine.” She’s also married to Kieron Gillen. I don’t think it’s out of line to say that Kieron Gillen is a writer who very much benefits from having an editor. He chooses his words very carefully, but oftentimes those words come out making sense to him and no one else. The editor helps coax meaning out. And when that editor is you spouse, trying to make you make sense to the world, well, that’s a lot. All of this is to say, I happen to know that Chrissy Williams hates editing the character of Gentle Annie so much, it’s gone beyond hate into a weird sort of love.
Continued belowSo consider this one page story her revenge. We’ve never seen what raw, unedited Gentle Annie dialogue looks like, but I bet it’s a lot worse than this. Because even try as hard as she can, I don’t think Chrissy can ever match Kieron in pure obtuse nonsense. I hope writing this was cathartic.
“Making a Difference” by Romesh Ranganathan, Julia Madrigal, and Dee Cunniffe
The performances in “WicDiv” aren’t always concerts per se. They’re more a collection of magical impressions and feelings that effect you deep in your soul. But… what if Baal rapped? The answer is that, it actually would be pretty awesome, in an early Childish Gambino not-sure-if-he’s-joking kind of way. In the end of the story, Baal becomes a widely disliked teacher, which is the most unbelievable part of this entire special. Baal would be a wonderful teacher.
“5 Things Everyone Who’s Lived With Sakhmet Will Understand” by Hamish Steele
I have a cat. Kieron and Chrissy have cats. So does Jamie. They Instagram them all the freaking time. Their cats obviously informed Sakhmet. But were they being radically, brutally honest? I think not, but Hamish Steele finds the truth at the core of the matter. My cat has dozens of little toys, but the only ones she’ll deign to play with are little Chewbacca mice. Every morning I wake up with a pile of Chewbaccas at the foot of my bed. My point is, if my cat was Sakhmet sized, I would obviously start each morning covered in human corpses.
“13 Go Mad in Wiltshire” by Kitty Curran and Larissa Zageris
First of all, such props to Kitty Curran and Larissa Zageris for doing parody so right. Not only does this look exactly like an old Hanna Barbera cartoon, it’s paced like one too, right down to the reveal of Old Man Blake. A good parody should reveal something about the original work and the lens its being looked at, and here Scooby Doo is a vessel to figure out which of the Pantheon are skeptics, which are idiots (Baphomet and Amaterasu mostly), and just how old Minerva has always sounded. It even simplifies the entire convoluted Woden situation by pointing out that it’s a very simple Scooby Doo plot. Jinkies indeed.
“Guilty Pleasure Song” by Kate Leth and Margaux Saltel
One of the best fandom activities is simple assignment. It’s part of what goes into each song selection for each pantheon member in the “Wicked Intervention” character specials. It’s also what gets me to stare sleeplessly at the ceiling and wonder which Overwatch character every member of the Pantheon would main (Dio would obviously play Lucio. Woden would main Hanzo. Baphomet plays Reaper. Amaterasu would keep trying to play Tracer but would be terrible at it, and everyone would yell at her until she went back to playing Mercy). Kate Leth is a proud fan before she’s a creator so she obviously wants to play these games too. In this case, every member of the Pantheon’s guilty pleasure song. Not only that, but she figured out what the characters would answer if asked directly.
So how did she do? Real good! Minerva obviously picks a song much older than her. Baal is hating on Ed Sheeran (probably in no small part because he ruined Game of Thrones). Woden has no shame, and quickly needs to switch his choice from Nickleback (probs his favorite band) to uh, Jason Bieber. Baphomet has been real sad and real into “Helena” by My Chemical Romance (no shame in that my dude!). And Kieron Gillen doesn’t believe in guilty pleasures, a point he will make at great length if you ever ask him about it (and here he is willing to write a 14,000 word essay about). Jamie McKelvie has too much work to do to answer the question, but a million points to his all-Carol Danvers inspired outfit (which he helped design).
“Secret Origin” by Kieron Gillen, Jaime McKelvie, Dee Cunniffe, and Matt Wilson
Continued belowAnd here we are at the most important reveal in the entire issue. For years fans have wondered- just how did Laura Wilson get that crack on her phone? Well, like so many things, it turns out to be the fault of Kieron Gillen. What could cause Laura to deliberately smash her phone? The frustration of a flurry of bad puns. The sort of puns Kieron is known for.
My job of massaging the bellies of ducks is making me depressed. I'm feeling down.
— Kieron Gillen (@kierongillen) June 15, 2018
Although a caption assures us that this event is taking place in “May, 2013,” this is a real tweetstorm that happened in real life. We were all subjected to it. It happened on June 15th, 2018. It was terrible. Some people have still not recovered. Laura’s phone is a metaphor you see, for the way we have all of us been broken.
