Note: this review uses names provided by Netflix’s English subtitles, instead of the French transcription.
Asterix & Obelix: The Middle Kingdom, the fifth live-action “Asterix” film, and the first since 2012, was released on Netflix last weekend. Directed by and starring Guillaume Canet as Asterix, with Gilles Lellouche as Obelix, Vincent Cassel as Julius Caesar, and Marion Cotillard as Cleopatra, the film sees the two superhuman Gauls head to (as the title suggests) China, to help Princess Sa See (Julie Chen) save her mother the Empress (Linh-Dan Pham) from Prince Deng Tsin Qin (Bun Hay Mean), who’s convinced Caesar to help him stage a coup.
Until now, I had never seen a live-action “Asterix” film: despite their huge budgets and A-list casts (they frequently rank among the most expensive French movies ever made), I’d always got the impression they were Not Good. I can see why: the film is immensely silly, stuffed to the brim with groan-inducing gags, pop culture nods and winks to the camera, resulting in a largely plodding and tedious 111 minutes. There’s some attempts to give the characters depth, with a subplot about Asterix becoming worried he’s too reliant on the magic potion that gives him his strength, and trying to lead a healthier lifestyle (causing resentment from Obelix), but it hardly achieves real sincerity.
Part of the issue is the very idea of translating these goofy characters into live-action: here, Asterix is not some plucky little guy, but a fully grown, middle-aged man, and his affection for Sa See, which probably would’ve been very sweet in a comic (this is the first live-action entry with an original story), comes across creepily onscreen. It is the center of his rivalry with third wheel Bankruptis (Jonathan Cohen), even though he never really talks to her, with Chen largely relegated to standing around, looking somber about her situation. Much more successful is the awkward, mutual attraction that develops between Obelix and Sa See’s bodyguard Ka Ra Tay (Leanna Chea); the pair are thoroughly more likeable.
As you may have surmised from some of these names, there was an admirable attempt to make China fit into René Goscinny and Albert Uderzo’s puntastic post-war world, with mixed results. I can take or leave these “Sill Lee” names given the source material, and it’s very inclusive that the Chinese characters speak French, but I definitely must take umbrage with Deng Tsin Qin’s advisor Scar Dee Kat (Manu Payet) making a joke about “slanted” eyes – yes, he’s a Roman villain who gets a serious side eye from his boss, but dear god was it awful, and totally inappropriate in a kids’ movie. The martial arts sequences are also poorly done, consisting of tightly edited close-ups and takes, which makes the decision to take our heroes to China feel awfully cynical.
The best part of the movie is Cassel’s pompous portrayal of Caesar, which is ironic given his appearance seemed like a bolted on concession to his status as Asterix and Obelix’s nemesis, taking up screentime that would’ve better served the main plot. The movie jolts back to life whenever Cassel is onscreen, with his perfectly judged performance, that’s by turns charismatic, pathetic, and even a little menacing when he starts asking Deng Tsin Qin if he’s a “Ku Koo” for inviting him to conquer China. By comparison, Cotillard’s shrill Cleopatra is little more than a glorified cameo, although she’s clearly having fun throwing all subtlety out the window, turning the infamous queen into an angry housewife from a bad reality TV show. (And yes, the money probably helped too.)
André Chemetoff’s cinematography is pretty pleasant, with plenty of lovely aerial shots and warm color grading, although a severe case of greenscreenitis does develop during the climactic battle. Maybe they ran out of money for that sequence because they spent so much acquiring the rights to Lionel Richie’s “Say You, Say Me,” which is played a lot because it’s apparently very funny (it would also explain why they used Cee Lo Green’s cover of “Kung Fu Fighting” instead of the original.) Speaking of music, the Roman soldiers chant “We Will Rock You” whenever Zlatan Ibrahimović’s champion fighter Antivirus enters the fray; he was admittedly quite fun, although he sadly doesn’t get to fight Asterix and Obelix.
Ultimately, despite some moments that made me chuckle against my better nature, Asterix & Obelix: The Middle Kingdom is a pretty boring and lazy action comedy, that’s unlikely to convert any newcomers to the franchise. I’m not sure what the key to making a good live-action “Asterix” movie is, but it really shouldn’t be so hard, we’ve had so many great fantasy action comedies over the past several years, and it’s not like France has a dearth of excellent comedians. No wonder the movie only grossed $44.6 million against a $72.4 million budget over there; if a movie were the definition of bof, it would be this one.
So yes, it’s definitely a middling movie. [loud winking sound effect]
