After last week’s dynamite season premiere, we’ve got a big episode as our little boy’s all grown up – Joffrey’s getting married! Yay! I love weddings, and they are always so grand in “Game of Thrones”. What happens this time? Who catches the garter and bouquet? Let’s find out as I share five thoughts – from a non-book reader – below.
Note: if you haven’t watched the episode yet, don’t read this review! Also, once again, I have not read the books and this is for non book readers. Don’t reveal spoilers from the books in the comments.
1. AND THAT IS WHY YOU DON’T THROW COINS AT SIGUR ROS!
Joffrey has done a lot in his life to infuriate me, but no moment disgusted me more than when he threw coins at my favorite band – Sigur Ros – to drive them off the stage after their beautiful performance of “Rains of Castamere”. My immediate reaction was “when exactly is someone going to end this mad man’s reign of terror?”
Well, that was well timed. Well, poorly timed if you’re Tyrion, of course, but when Joffrey’s fool Dontos apparently killed Joffrey by poisoning him at his own wedding (not the best wedding season ever in Westeros), you couldn’t help but feel like everyone in the world was cheering the demise of the frankly insane king of Westeros (see: George R. R. Martin’s tweet along those lines).
Regardless, it was an epic and really, really ugly moment – way to go make-up team for making that an astonishingly horrible looking death, thus pleasing the masochists out there who really disliked Joffrey – that will lead to god knows what. Power abhors a vacuum, and I imagine this will make the titular game of thrones all the more brutal and ugly. What a moment, and what execution of said moment by all involved.
2. A Bad Day to be the Cupholder
Tyrion had a bad, bad day. First, he found out that he and Shae’s relationship was discovered by Cersei and Tywin. Then, he did the only thing he could to save his true love by sending Shae away to Pentos. Next, he was mercilessly embarrassed by his nephew. Lastly, he was accused of murder by his own sister even though it was more or less impossible for him to have done the act that she suggested he did. Sounds like somebody needs a Kit Kat so he can get a damn break.
But there aren’t any Kit Kats in Westeros, sadly.
Regardless, the scene with Shae was truly heartbreaking, as he said the only things he could to get her to actually leave, preserving this woman he so deeply loved. Being accused for murder? That’s one thing. Getting embarrassed by a psychopath? Eh. Par for the course. Losing one thing that makes his life good in this dark world? That’s something entirely different. Poor Tyrion, but this episode was another highlight reel for Peter Dinklage’s Emmy reel. I’m just glad my suspicion of Shae being in the wedding “pie” did not end up being true.
3. Reek
I didn’t think I could find the state of Theon Greyjoy any more disturbing and disgusting, as Alfie Allen’s character had everything important to him taken away from him last season. In this episode though, as we catch up with Ramsay Snow and his new assistant Reek (also known as Theon) as the two of them and some woman hunt another woman, and then Ramsay exhibited his power over Theon to his father Roose to show his potential value.
What we’re shown of Theon/Reek is that he’s a broken man, unable to look at anyone, unable to run without a pronounced limp, and unable to really even have any thoughts of his own. Watching his life is torturous, and in a show where we only root for the deaths of true villains, the misguided soul of Theon could sure use some freedom in the form of death right about now. For me, I hope the Bolton family earns some righteous retribution by the end of this series, and Theon earns some peace, in whatever capacity that is.
Allen has done a remarkable job of making us believe his conversion from lecherous show-off to a man with nothing left to give, but god damn if it isn’t heart breaking.
Continued below4. Dinner Parties
Oberyn Martell didn’t have much to do in this episode, save for shooting sexy glances at Loras Tyrell and publicly cavorting with his lover. The one conversation he did get to have though was the conversational equivalent to a sword fight with Tywin and Cersei, as the three bantered and parried with all the warmth and love of mortal enemies who are just waiting until the other makes a move so they can finally be done with them. It’s an astonishing whirlwind of a scene, and one that I really, really enjoyed thanks to the performances of Lena Headey, Charles Dance and Pedro Pascal, as well as the bravura script that was the Westeros equivalent of a A+ rap battle.
Oberyn’s a slow burner, but he’s not someone you forget. Here’s hoping it’s more than just his words that cut them in the future.
5. So much happening!
All that said, and I haven’t even touched on Bronn teaching Jamie how to fight again, Stannis’ unique kindling, Sansa’s quick departure, Bran’s vision, a decapitated deer saying “Hodor” (!!), and varying other things going on at the wedding (Cersei and Brienne’s square off was particularly notable…actually, really any time Cersei engaged with people was interesting), but this was really pretty damn remarkable. I have to say, in a lot of ways Bran’s storyline and particularly Stannis and Theon’s storylines feel like they can be a chore to get through compared to the others, but this show has done enough to convince me that we’ll end up somewhere of value with them, and on top of that, this episode featured very interesting turns of events in their stories.
But they all paled in comparison to the death of Batman’s favorite little buddy, Joffrey. Jack Gleeson, congratulations. You and the writing staff and George R. R. Martin made me hate that little fucker more than any character I’ve ever experienced before. I’d say rest in peace, but I’m right there with everyone else, fist pumping and just hoping your death doesn’t lead to Tyrion’s death. It’d be fitting if it did, sadly, given how much he hated his uncle. Until next week.
