“Whoa they made a TV show about me?”
Haha, you just got slammed Hypothetical Reader! No but really, King of the Nerds is a reality show where a bunch of self-proclaimed nerds, all with unique specialities, come to some abandoned renovated porn set with Halo posters called “Nerdvana” and compete in a series of trials hosted by Revenge of the Nerds’s Curtis Armstrong and Bobby Carradine. There’s a bunch of twists and turns, like the surprise guest stars and the fact that Armstrong and Carradine have nothing better to do, but the biggest one would have to be the series got renewed for a second season which is one more than Firefly, Zach Stone is Gonna Be Famous, and Heil Honey, I’m Home!, all of which deserved more attention than a show that’s half an unscripted Big Bang Theory episode and half Radio Shack commercial. On the other hand, it’s half an unscripted Big Bang Theory episode and half a RadioShack commercial which means there’s no way Multiversity can’t cover this show for its second season. The premiere aired last Thursday and we hope you find it in your souls to follow along with us.
1.) Regicide
So the winner for last season was gamer Celeste who was the closest thing to a normal person in the show. She received $100,000 which is the only genuine reason to go on this show, but the one constantly talked about is the right to be crowned King of the Nerds and sit on the Throne of Games. Yeah, they go there. It’s a throne made out of the fused plastic of hundreds of video game weapons that prevents unworthy kings from sitting comfortably. Apparently Celeste was not worthy of the title as the prologue implies she was actually murdered by some unknown force. All of the losing contestants from last season (who haven’t been busy since “King of the Nerds Loser” is right up there on great things to put on your résumé with “Sad Clown” and “Pokemon Master-bator”) choose a new group of nerds to win for the right to have George Takei make eye contact with them and win $100,000. It’s kind of funny considering the last group was a bunch of sociopaths who’d rather murder someone for the chance to take #1 than give it to someone new, but in keeping with tradition…
2.) The New Contestants are Sociopaths Too
Somewhere in LA, there’s a vat full of artificially aged babies in the government’s attempt to breed a real life version of Sheldon Cooper. The old contestants presumably murdered the scientists there offscreen and brought the batch to Nerdvana because they are crazy. Or they could just be trying really hard. That’s actually a really likely point considering how everyone tries to cheer whenever literally anything is mentioned by the hosts, whose faces depict two tortured souls who wrongfully believed “King of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise” could be their low-point until they were instructed to babysit this lot.
The notable highlights as of now in this cast include Nicole, an inorganic chemist who wants to keep her job a secret which should be easy considering I have no idea what that is, Zachary, a fantasy writer who immediately grabbed the swords in Nerdvana’s rec room proving that he’s sure to be the stable one of the show, and Kelsey who is that one SNL skit where a bunch of white Midwestern college students co-opt Japanese culture. That said, she does seem to have a great understanding of the Japanese language and in all likelihood she’s very respectful of their culture. Meanwhile, Xander, the Gamer/Drama Nerd, does his impression of an “An Angry Japanese Man” complete with stereotypical voice. Can’t all be winners, though we’ll definitely go over more characters later on, and as the show continues.
3.) Let the Games Begin
King of the Nerds is separated into two segments: The Nerd War where two teams face off in a challenge that matches the week’s episode and The Nerd-Off which is a pretty disappointing name for any type of climax. Since the teams haven’t been formed yet, and because the producers would like to spend as little money as possible, this week’s Nerd War was literally just the two designated Captains picking teams like elementary school dodgeball. It’s, allegedly, incredibly engaging. Eventually the only person left is Kelsey who is arbitrarily granted the ability to kick out another contestant. She picks Nicole who is then chosen to stay in the game by the hosts because the rules are more made up than my interest in the show. She swaps places with Kelsey who then has to go to the Nerd-Off with Chris, a structural engineering student and relatively normal human.
Continued belowThe Nerd-Off turns out to be a contest called “Nerditch” which took less time to come up with than it took for me to write this article and I will be eternally fascinated by that. The goal is to ride a broom down a zip-line and throw potions at cauldrons which sounds like a rejected ride for The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Kelsey tries to strategize by skipping the low-point cauldrons for the trickier ones and just absolutely fails. Chris does a mediocre job and is allowed to survive under the heel of Curtis Jackson and the scrutiny of anyone he knows in real life watching the show.
4.) MVP (Most Valuable Player)
I feel like every week we should go over who’s the greatest contestant of the week and, to be honest, no one really put out that much of an effort. That said, while I was doing some extra research for the column and achieving the status of being the first person to go on the King of the Nerds website I found the bio for Katie who is so far the greatest person to ever be on this show. She makes puppets, loves the Vibraphone and has this to say about Teddy Roosevelt:
“Theodore Roosevelt. He really was the nerd of his day — a huge fan of naval warfare and biology. He also never took “no” for an answer and was willing to do whatever it took to win. Heck, he started a civil war to get the Panama Canal built!”
I hope she wins. I hope she wins everything.
5.) IVP (Ironically Valuable Player)
I’M SORRY, I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE POKEMON MASTER-BATOR THING I DIDN’T MEAN FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN.
New Episodes of King of the Nerds air every Thursday on TBS at 10 P.M. EST. Watch the new episode tonight and feel free to join Multiversity in the discussion.
