The summer journey through the Amalgam Universe continues today with a review of “Assassins”. This issue tried to take advantage of the Bad Girl trend, but it ended up being a nonsensical mess.
The Mashup
In a twist on the normal process, the lead characters are intracompany combinations. Daredevil and Elektra are smooshed together to create Dare, and that pairing has some logic considering the history between the two. The other lead is Catwoman + Deathstroke = Catsai (Cat sai – say it out loud). As far as I can tell, the only logic behind this was the need for an anti-heroine and a mercenary from the DC stable. Do those two characters have a history that I’m unaware of? (Don’t answer. I don’t really care.)
The book was written by Dan Chichester, who’s unfamiliar to me, and penciled by Scott McDaniel, who I’ve heard of before. DC published it.
The Plot
The opening splash page sets the scene: the two leads are “back in town” because they’ve been contracted to kill Mayor Enigma Fisk, aka the Big Question. They’re already in the lobby, where they’ve just killed Deadeye (Deadshot + Bullseye). They comment that he’s the twelfth mercenary they’ve murdered since entering the building, because Fisk knew they were coming and hired protection. Then they encounter another one and kill him. Then they counter two more and kill them. Then another one and they kill him.
Thankfully, we’re treated to a cutaway scene of Fisk watching the news. Reporter Jimmy Urich tells us that “we’ve got a convicted felon in office” and asks if anyone thinks this is a problem. But never mind that, because the real problem is the rumor that Fisk was put in place as a puppet for Dr Strangefate. Why is this a problem? Who is the mysterious Dr Strangefate? You’ll never know, because Fisk breaks the TV in true dramatic fashion.
We learn Fisk is the reason Dare wears an eye patch, and we get a flashback to the event. Fisk tells her she’s always been such a daredevil. Wouldn’t it be great if she looked like one? Cue the scalpel heading for her eye.
Back in the present, the girls finally get to Fisk. He wastes no time revealing that he’s the one who hired them. He figures that whether he wins or loses the fight, it’ll restore his reputation as an autonomous mastermind. Personally, I’d rather have the plausible deniability. (“Mr Fisk, under oath, why was your office full of deadly supervillains?” “It wasn’t me, your honor. It was that magician. Don’t you watch the news?”)
Fisk closes a surprise steel door that traps Catsai outside. He fights Dare, overpowering her. In a surprise twist, it turns out that the two red horns on her headscarf are actually part of her head. Back when he cut out her eye, he had them attached. He rips them out, which causes her to die painfully.
Catsai blows the door open and beats Fisk unconscious. In another twist, she doesn’t kill him – she strips him naked and hangs him upside down off a pole outside his office for everyone to see. Then she leaves town.
What “Wizard” thought then
“Wizard” could smell this dud coming. Their advance coverage is limited to comments from the comic’s editor, Kevin Dooley. The other Amalgams received some sort of hype or excitement in the article’s editorial voice, or at least a cynical joke. Not “Assassins”. And c’mon – it’s so easy! They named the book about two sexy bad girls “Ass Ass Ins”. Look at the logo! I can’t believe “Wizard”, who averaged eight fart jokes per issue, let that go.
The only half-way interesting factoid about this comic is from a sidebar, where we learn that the book and characters when through a lot of name changes. Lead character Dare was originally Risk, but trademark issues arose. The Kingpin/Riddler amalgam Big Question was originally a Kingpin/Joker mix named the Big Clown.
The book was the second-worst selling Amalgam, barely beating “Dr Strangefate”. “Wizard” never mentioned it again.
What I think now
If it’s not clear yet, let me be blunt: this book is terrible. While reading it, I even asked myself if it was intentional, like Napoleon Dynamite, in an attempt to be funny. But no, I think this was a genuine effort to be cool that tried too hard and failed. I don’t see much point in giving a deep analysis of a twenty four year old stinker, but if you’re still reading, I suppose I have some measure of obligation.
The premise itself is fatally flawed, contrived to the point of stupidity. The dumbest part, which I left out of the summary, is that the Mayor’s office isn’t at city hall. It’s at the top of a skyscraper. That was built on top of Arkham Asylum. And the inmates were never relocated. They roam around the bottom floors. Why? No reason given, really. Probably just to let readers know that all the bodies the leads leave behind aren’t innocent 9-5 paper pushers.
The writing is cheesy and melodramatic, even for a 90s superhero comic. The dialogue is too tacky to believe. I tried saying some of it out loud and couldn’t. Fisk’s “riddles” may as well have come from the discard pile of the Adam West show. “How is a skyscraper like a shovel? The two of you can use either one to dig your graves.” Ugh. A ten year old boy might enjoy this, but that doesn’t excuse Chichester for writing like one.
McDaniel’s storytelling is weak. The panel layouts are skewed in ways that inhibit reading. Panel borders are constantly broken by characters or objects, which limits the effectiveness of the technique and further muddies the already unclear action. There are too many closeups and too few establishing shots. The page below is a prime example of everything I’ve pointed out. Try to follow the action without reading the captions.
Notice how the focus is on Catsai’s butt and boobs, not on the killing blow? That’s typical throughout the book.
There are more problems with the art in general and character design specifically, but at this point I’ve spent over a thousand words on a book I can only recommend for kindling. Let’s just wrap this up and move on…
