Written by Daniel Way
Illustrated by John McCreaGet caught up before “DEAD” launches next month!
All I can really say about this issue in this paragraph is that I was originally scheduled to review something else. I checked out this issue, lured by Marvel’s .1 promise of full-accessibility – plus a sense of “Oh, why not?” – and instantly knew that I had to review this issue.
Why? For that, you’ll have to follow the cut.
I know that in this day and age, with the quantity-over-quality overexposure of Marvel’s Merc with a Mouth, it’s somewhat passé to heavily-criticize any Deadpool issue. Yeah, it’s hip to hate something that’s being pushed a bit too hard, but we’ve heard it all before at this point. So you have to understand that what I’m about to say isn’t me trying to sound “cool,” or anything ridiculous like that. Here goes:
This is a contender for one of the worst comic books I have ever read.
Strong words, I know. But I can back them up.
It’s not that the idea of a “musical issue” is inherently wrong. Far from it. Comic creators should always be encouraged to do whatever they can to bring something new and unique to the medium. Even though comics-with-music has been done before in V for Vendetta‘s “This Vicious Cabaret,” it’s an uncommon enough event that, were it done right, Daniel Way would almost have to be applauded, just by the principle of the matter. Sadly for him, that doesn’t happen in this issue.
It’s not that the “To the tune of _______” approach that Way uses is inherently wrong, either. In fact, it’s the only way to make a musical issue of a monthly ongoing series work, really. Can you imagine going through the effort of writing out all-original lyrics and music for a recap comic and still meeting deadlines? That might sound like me being a facetious jerk, but it really isn’t. Way’s fault, however, is that he tampers with those tunes too much. Writing new lyrics to an already established song isn’t easy to do, but it’s one of those things that you can at least tell if you have done it wrong. Just read or sing it aloud, and you can hear whether or not you have the “feel” down. You have an obvious framework of syllables and emphases to work with that make the song just as recognizable as any melody that might go with it. In this issue, though, every “song” only has a few lines that actually fit into their source material, usually within the chorus. It’s fine to add or subtract a syllable or two to a verse, so long as it still sounds natural, but Way completely garbles the natural speech emphasis in every parody to a degree that it’s bewildering to consider how the new lines are supposed to fit into their respective tunes.
Now, some people might complain – and a few have already done so – that the comic needs you to be familiar with certain songs in order to “get” it. That shouldn’t be a problem, though. Songs, and often poetry in general, tend to have a natural rhythm to them, so that even if you don’t know the melody – as might be the case with the songs in this issue – you can typically make out whether it’s based on, say, an alternation of short and long syllables, or maybe a compound long-short-short long-short-short form. Throughout this whole issue, though, there is a repulsive lack of rhythm, as well as instances where the text is split up in a way that makes it nigh impossible to “read” the rhythm without making a conscious effort to do so. That this claims to be a musical issue is laughable; all Way creates here is noise.
Some might say I’m thinking too much about this issue. I contest that Way and his editors aren’t thinking enough. Humor is a complex art. It requires finesse and intelligence. Just because something is supposed to be “funny” doesn’t mean it doesn’t have to follow the rules mentioned above.
Continued belowI want to say good things about John McCrea, an underrated gem of the comics industry, but Way didn’t really give him a chance to shine in this issue. Seriously, you have McCrea at your disposal for only one issue, and you have him draw an issue-long recap? There are other ways to make one of Marvel’s .1 issues new-reader friendly, as evidenced by… pretty much every other title. McCrea does an excellent job with what he’s given – and he’s the only reason this book doesn’t get a big ol’ 0.0 – but even though this is a visual medium, there come times when writing in a comic is so bad that it could be illustrated by King Kirby himself and it would still be a train-wreck. Sadly for McCrea, this is one of those cases.
It’s clear that someone high up on Marvel’s editorial chain doesn’t care about the quality of this book, and just wants to cash in on Deadpool’s (waning) internet fame, or they would have said “No, this can’t hit the stands in this condition.” You don’t need to have twenty years of experience as a poetry editor to tell that Way has horribly botched this issue, and that it should never have been deemed fit to print. Perhaps Way himself doesn’t even care about the quality, and would rather make a quick buck than actually try, or maybe he’s just really that bad. I’d prefer the latter, because at least then he isn’t an outright tool in my eyes. Either way, that this run has lasted fifty issues is a travesty.
And god f#*$ing damn it, “Chocolate Rain” was almost five years ago.
Final Verdict: 1.0 – I would rather read every issue of Hawk & Dove than reread this one issue.
Update! Editor Jordan D. White has recorded all the music and posted it on the internet. I have to give him credit for putting it together, but it really just makes it more obvious how inherently flat and lacking in rhythm the lyrics are. Good try, though, Jordan. You did better than I could have with the crap you were provided.
