At the core of “Uncanny X-Men” #8 is a question: does “X-Men” need to make a lick of sense? While the series has mostly (okay sometimes) followed it’s own internal logic, that logic can be tenuous at best. And UXM #8 has got it all. We’re talking a pocket dimension facsimile of an alternate timeline that really only exists within a single character’s mind. And characters who get sucked into said pocket dimension facsimile of an alternate timeline that really only exists within a single character’s mind. Where time moves at a different rate from the “real” world. It’s maddening. It’s insane. And I suppose, it’s the very essence of “X-Men” comics.
Written by Matthew Rosenberg, Kelly Thompson, and Ed BrissonCover by Giuseppe Camuncoli
Illustrated by R.B. Silva
Inked by Adriano Di Benedetto
Colored by Rachelle Rosenberg
Lettered by VC’s Joe Caramanga
From the Age of Apocalypse, what approaches?
We return immediately to revisit the younger generation of X-Men trapped in a version of the Age of Apocalypse with Nate Grey, the all-powerful X-Man. I could take or leave X-Man as an antagonist. He spouts a lot of nonsense about how really he’s saving the world by destroying it and killing a lot of people. After all, they’re just the price that needs to be paid in the name of *mumble mumble* peace or something. Whatever. On the other hand, I can not get enough of the focus on these X-kids. “X-Men” has made a habit of introducing new generations of students and then forgetting about them. Not this comic though.
The X-kids in question are Armor (from Joss Whedon’s “Astonishing X-Men” run), Pixie and Rockslide (from “New X-Men” and “Academy X”) and Glob Herman (from Grant Morrison’s “New X-Men” and “Wolverine and the X-Men”). It’s so nice to pump the brakes and see how those kids are doing, even if it is in a pocket dimension facsimile of an alternate timeline that really only exists within a single character’s mind. The four X-kids have been living in this apocalyptic hellscape for a year, and all of them have received 90s-style Age of Apocalypse themed makeovers. And they look great! Especially Glob, who is just on fire. If the story is going to insist on revisiting concepts and stories from the 90s, it’s important that they do a spin on the style too. Kudos to R.B. Silva for instantly adapting to the spiky, grungy, radical style.
Meanwhile in the real world, the X-Men are battling the Four Horsemen of Salvation and… I’m sorry I dozed off. These Horsemen are one of my least favorite comic book cliches. Their new loyalties are initially shocking, but then never explored in any meaningful way. They seem to be under some sort of trance, but that’s boring. If X-Man could really choose any four mutants to brainwash into being his servants (and why just choose four?) why’d he go with Magneto, the unreliable edgelord Archangel, B-lister the Blob, and C-lister Omega Red? Why’d the writers choose those four? They’re not the most powerful or interesting. They’re just sort of random.
There’s a big fight which is sort of perfunctory, but the art team does what they can to make it engaging. They get about halfway there. The kinetic action and bright display of powers is fun, but without stakes or meaningful characterization, the obligatory proceedings just feel sort of empty.
The big moment arrives when X-Man’s prisoners escape and all confront each other. Kitty is ready to sacrifice the X-kids in order to get X-Man out of the picture. In fact, she seems kind of stoked to do it, suggesting it immediately, not backing down or hearing any arguments. Jean and Psylocke are rather easygoing about the suggested child sacrifice, agreeing with each of the other X-Men in turn. Storm is anti-child-sacrifice and wants to maybe reconsider. And Bishop of all people is the one who finds the tactic completely unacceptable. I’ve never been a huge Bishop fan but this run is really winning me over, making him the voice of reason on a volatile team.
Oh and Apocalypse is there and he wants to kill everyone he can, ‘cause you know, he’s Apocalypse. He’s scared of X-Man, and is happy to kill anyone and everyone he has to in order to make him go away forever. But Bishop dives in and retrieves the X-kids in a few minutes, triggering a merger between Legion and X-Man. Oh, did I mention that this version of the Age of Apocalypse only exists in Legion’s mind, and in order to escape it, X-Man had to dominate his consciousness, which also combined their haircuts and tattoos?
Continued belowYou follow all that? Even if not, I think you get the idea. There is so much going on. Whether it’s the product of being a weekly series, having an enormous creative team, or the whackadoo story idea this is dense, aaaaaaalmost to the point of being unreadable. And under normal circumstances, that would cause me to give an issue a low score. But these aren’t normal circumstances. This is “X-Men.” This sort of nonsense is a regular Wednesday.
Still, the flaws are there. The empty bombast make the action instantly forgettable, despite an admirable effort from the art team. Characters make decisions that aren’t driven by character, but plot. There’s a nebulous sense of morality that killing is bad, or it’s good, or imprisonment is bad, or child-sacrifice, but nothing gets deeply explored. Despite coming out every week, “Uncanny X-Men” is not taking the time to explore its many ideas, and that’s a crime because they are weird and I love them.
Final Verdict: 6.9 – A busy issue lacks stakes, except ironically when the action moves to a pocket dimension facsimile of an alternate timeline that really only exists within a single character’s mind.
