Welcome to our coverage of “Who’s Who!” For this summer, we’ll be focusing exclusively on the 26-issue 1985-1987 series, without any of the updates. Those will, hopefully, follow next year.
Today, we dive into the fourth installment, which includes the parade of Captains and a bunch of Legionnaires. To the entries!
Best overall entry: Captain Marvel Jr.
Despite a glaring mistake that I’ll cover later, this is a fantastic entry. CMJ is a character that is part of a confusing continuity family, and his is particularly tricky, but this entry lays it out pretty clearly. This is also a character that I thoroughly miss in its past form. I can dig the whole extended Shazam family, but I wish that Freddy would get some stories on his own. I’m such a 90s simp.
Best non-character: Challengers Mountain
Ah, we’re back, baby. After no non-character entries last go ’round, we’ve got a great one in Challengers Mountain. As I’ve said before, nothing makes me happier than these designs, which have to include gyms and storage areas lest kids like me protest. It’s just glorious.
Marquee character: Captain Marvel
This was right before the (second) big DC/Captain Marvel push, which would see Cap joining the Justice League, being a cornerstone of “Legends,” and getting a miniseries. And, like he was for the next 20 years, he’s front and center on this cover, even if there’s not that much about him in the book.
Most obscure character: Chris KL-99
This volume actually has mostly well represented characters, but Chris KL-99 has just ten appearances that don’t count reference texts like this. It’s sort of insane to me how many of those sorts of books he’s appeared in because, let’s be real, he’s not exactly a huge character. But he’s in “The History of the DC Universe” and three volumes of the DC Encyclopedia, so someone must think he’s interesting.
Most incomprehensible entry: Changeling
The once and future Beast Boy is a great character with an interminable backstory. Rao almighty, try to get through that.
Most bizarre entry: Camelot 3000
“Camelot 3000” is a way better book than it has any right to be, based on its elevator pitch, but it is a crazy, very 1980s DC idea: what if King Arthur and the Knights of the Roundtable were awoken/reincarnated at the end of the world?
Top three pieces of art:
3. Chemo
Terry Austin does a fantastic job making this character slightly menacing without eliminating any of its inherent goofiness. I also adore the sound text next to him, which is, I believe, the first time that any sort of lettering has shown up in these pieces, outside of stuff native to the art.
2. Cain
The pose, the colors, the facial expression, it all works together so well. Bravo, Joe Orlando.
1. Cat-Man
If you ever want to know how influential Art Adams was on the comics of the 90s, look at this Cat-Man illustration. This looks totally unlike any other art in any of these volumes thus far, and looks like it came from a decade later than it actually did.
Best lines/details per entry:
The Cadre: Fastball, a former minor league baseball player then syndicate assassin, whose exoskeleton armor and power gloves give him the ability to throw high-velocity metal spheres of great explosive power
Brian’s commentary: Now I want to see a Bad News Bears-esque team of washed up baseball player villains, but not by that dipshit that wrote/stole a lot of money for “Sullivan’s Sluggers.”
Cain: Cain posses no true powers, save for a slight malicious streak, a diabolical sense of humor, and an unnatural gift for storytelling.
Brian’s commentary: Every issue has one entry like this, where shit like sense of humor or natural leadership comes out.
The Calculator:
Brian’s commentary: The ‘computer terminal’ on his chest was aspirationally small for 1985, and looks hilariously oversized for 2022.
Calendar Man: Profession: Ex-Stage Magician, now Professional Criminal
Brian’s commentary: I feel like this is the bio for all former stage magicians. You can’t trust a man who wears that many sparky vests.
Continued belowCamelot 3000: The Knights also undertook a quest for the Holy Grail, a search that culminated in the transfiguration of Sir Percival.
Brian’s commentary: On second thought, let us not go to “Camelot 3000,” it is a silly place.
Captain Atom: It should also be noted that the power surge that transforms Captain Adam into Captain Atom also changes his normally brown hair into silver-white.
Brian’s commentary: Watch the Silver Fox transform in front of your very eyes!
Captain Boomerang: Boomerang has recently perfected a technique through which he is able to use his own body as a living boomerang, and can thus hurl himself great distances.
Brian’s commentary: Can we please, please bring this back? I want to see Digger hurling himself around Central City, taking out pedestrians and plate glass windows.
Captain Carrot: To avoid the embarrassing (and possibly fatal) consequences of changing back to Rodney Rabit at the wrong moment, the good Captain carries two extra super-carrots with him at all times.
Brian’s commentary: He always has protection.
Captain Cold: Snart is also able to make use of the moisture normally in the air to create ice shields, ice sticks, and, under the proper conditions, even realistic illusions, much as extreme heat can cause a mirage.
Brian’s commentary: The mirage idea is cool, can we bring this back, too?
Captain Comet: The epitome of human perfection, Captain Comet is an extraordinary athlete and a highly skilled hand to hand combatant.
Brian’s commentary: The epitome of human perfection? Captain Comet? Really? Him?
Captain Compass:
Brian’s commentary: Some people thought this was interesting enough of an origin for this character to get seventy seven (77) appearances?!
Captain Fear: When asked his name by the crewmen, Fero told them to call him Captain Fear, for fear was what he intended to put into the hearts of every Spaniard he might meet.
Brian’s commentary: This sounds like a story your drunk uncle would tell, but replace ‘Spaniard’ with the name of a rival high school.
Captain Marvel : When the wizard sat back on his throne, and was instantly crushed to death by the falling granite block.
Brian’s commentary: Don’t you hate it when this happens?
Captain Marvel Jr.:
Brian’s commentary: Captain Marvel Jr’s costume is so dope that Elvis Presley modeled his look on it, and yet, this issue chose to hideously recolor it. Where’s the red and blue? If this is a coloring error, it’s a grievous one. If it’s a choice, it’s a horrible one. SHAME!
Captain Nazi: When he learned that Captain Marvel and the rest of the Marvel family had been trapped in suspended animation, Nazi placed himself in suspended animation as well, in a capsule to open when the Marvels were free once more.
Brian’s commentary: So, instead of killing them when they’re in suspended animation, or using their time away to thrive without them meddling in his crimes, he froze himself, too? That’s some Austin Powers shit.
Capt. Storm: Regrettably, Captain Storm and the other Losers were killed in action in the final days of the Second World War.
Brian’s commentary: That truly is regrettable.
Cat-Man: The Cat-Man drives a specially designed Cat-car, and once escaped the Batman in his personal Catamaran.
Brian’s commentary: Bravo.
Catwoman (Earth 2): Despite her long career of crime, the Catwoman never committed murder, a fact of which she was justly proud.
Brian’s commentary: I hope my obituary says the same thing, but replaces crime with ‘faux-comics journalism.’
Catwoman: Today, the Catwoman prowls the world in search of adventure. She has accepted high-paying assignments as everything from a body guard to a private investigator.
Brian’s commentary: I do like this path for Catwoman: not hero, not villain, just mercenary for whatever task you need if the money is right. I want someone to pay her six figures to be a Walmart greeter.
The Cavalier: A wealthy collector of curios, Mortimer Drake was a man of exotic and idiosyncratic tastes.
Brian’s commentary: Was this 1985 code language for gay? It seems like they may just be trying to say he’s gay. Either way, he sounds fun!
Continued belowCave Carson: Recently, Cave was banned from further exploring when he accidentally discovered an ancient object the government had classified top secret.
Brian’s commentary: It is truly fair to be punished for accidentally making a discovery. This is like when Sir Isaac Newton was put to death for his apple stunt.
Celsius:
Brian’s commentary: The Chief would 100% be on a sex offender registry for this same action if performed a few decades later.
Challengers’ Mountain:
Brian’s commentary: Thank goodness we finally know where the Pneumatic Shaft Mechanism is located!
Challengers of the Unknown: Though their costumes and equipment have occasionally changed, their dedication to their work has never weakened.
Brian’s commentary: “Sartorial trends come and go, but not the Challengers!”
Chameleon Boy:
Brian’s commentary: What a pseudonym, dad!
The Changeling: Martial status: desperate
Brian’s commentary: HA! Well played.
Cheetah (Earth 2): A wealthy society girl possessed of an almost overwhelming inferiority complex…
Brian’s commentary: This is a very 2022 description for Earth-2 Cheetah.
Cheetah: Alter Ego: Deborah Domain
Brian’s commentary: It is rare that a character has three different secret identities by 1987, but Cheetah did it somehow.
Chemical King:
Brian’s commentary: Look at that signature: DANIEL Jurgens! We’ve got a sophisticate over here!
Chemo: Chemo possesses no skills whatsoever as a hand-to-hand combatant, nor does he really need them.
Brian’s commentary: Yeah, I think the immense poison inside of him is plenty, but thanks for negging him for not knowing how to throw a forearm shiver.
Cheshire: Slightly more than a year ago, during an undercover assignment, Jade met and seduced a member of the Teen Titans. This unrevealed Titan gave her a child he knows nothing about.
Brian’s commentary: We now know who this is, but I like to imagine the Titans going on Maury. “Jericho…you are…not the father” [Jericho dances around and gives Speedy the finger]
The Chief: Though his crippled legs prevented him from engaging in hand-to-hand combat, Caulder occasionally equipped his wheelchair with various weapons, including a flame-thrower.
Brian’s commentary: This should be a standard addition to any wheelchair. As Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood showed us, a flamethrower can be very handy.
Chlorophyl Kid: His power to stimulate plant growth, acquired when he accidentally fell into a tank of hydroponic serum as a child, was pronounced inadequate and he was rejected.
Brian’s commentary: Yeah Legion, you’re right, there’s no use for a guy who can prevent hunger or famine. Best take the kid who can bounce all over the fucking place instead.
Chris KL-99: The first baby to be born in interplanetary space, Chris was named by his space explorer father after Christopher Columbus, Earth’s most famous explorer.
Brian’s commentary: I thought the first boy born in space was Billy Radcliffe?
