Welcome to our coverage of “Who’s Who!” For this summer, we’ll be focusing exclusively on the 26-issue 1985-1987 series, without any of the updates. Those will, hopefully, follow next year.
First off, apologies for the inconsistent nature of this column. Due to both the time it takes to create and some chaos in my personal life, twice a month is about all I seem to be able to pump out. Due to this, we’ll keep this schedule going throughout the year, stretching this binge far beyond the summer.
This time, we get a lot of forgotten, pardon the pun, teams. Let’s dig in.
Best Overall Entry: Fearsome Five
I love everything about this: a supervillain team formed through the want ads of a boutique bad guy newspaper to the bit about Dr. Light reportedly working as a McDonalds janitor to the fact that there was a name change to the Fearsome Four that directly proceeds them adding a new member. This is all the insanity and fun I want from “Who’s Who” and from comics in general.
Marquee: The Flash
This is a bit of a strange one, as the publication of this issue was a month before Barry Allen’s “death” in “Crisis on Infinite Earths,” which would change the tenor and conversation around the Flash forever. But Barry is clearly front and center on the cover, along with Jay Garrick on the back.
Most Obscure Character: The Gang
The Gang, an obscure Supergirl set of baddies, appeared in just three issues of “Supergirl” until, of course, Grant Morrison, revived them for an appearance in an issue of “JLA.”
Most Incomprehensible Entry: Fire Jade
Gemworld is frequently impossible to fully understand.
Most Bizarre Entry: Galactic Golem
As I’ve said before, the line between ‘best’ and ‘bizarre’ is thin, and this is no exception. Luthor created a Golem, which is a nice nod to Superman’s Jewish roots, from space dust. Comics are the best!
Top 3 Pieces of Art:
3. Ferro Lad by Dan Day and Larry Mahlstedt
The pose, as if Ferro Lad is holding up the panels, is brilliant, as are the action packed panels juxtaposed against his mask in the lower left.
2. Fisherman by Luke McDonnell and Bill Wray
While some may laugh at his waders, this is a perfect use of ‘reality’ based costuming. Aside from the spandex, he’s dressed like an actual Fisherman. McDonell and Wray’s shadows on this piece are excellent as well.
1. Galactic Golem by Curt Swan and Rick Burchett
The color contrast here really sings, as does the star-matter inside his body. This is both simultaneously true to a legendary Golem and also something clearly made from the stars.
Best lines/details per entry:
Fatal Five: The egos, as well as the evil, of the Fatal Five are so great that the group continues to exist principally in name only, as the members unite only by coincidence or desperate need.
Brian’s commentary: Imagine being so desperate that you have to call your evil buddies?
Fearsome Five: Failing time and time again to defeat any of the super-heroes he battled, Dr. Light placed an advertisement to recruit fellow super-villains in The Underworld Star, an irregularly published newsletter featuring letters, articles, how-to tips by and for the super-criminal element in the continental United States.
Brian’s commentary: Please, please, please DC, make a one-time edition of The Underworld Star. It would be so amazing.
Felicity: While at first charmed, Tiggor later pushed her away, even though Felicity had fallen in love with him.
Brian’s commentary: Just a classic, two cat-people get together, but one digs their claws in too deep, story. Seen it a million times.
Felix Faust: At one point while in prison, during a psychological seminar, Faust experienced a primal scream.
Brian’s commentary: Faust was actually a guest performer on John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band in 1970. [If you get this joke, we are going to be friends]Continued below
Female Furies: Eventually, the Furies returned to Earth with Barda, joining the spectacular traveling stage show that starred Mister Miracle.
Brian’s commentary: Not many superhero stories end with “and then they joined the circus.” And that’s a shame.
Ferro Lad: It is alleged that Ferro Lad’s ghost played a role in saving the Legionnaries from death threatened by one of the Controllers.
Brian’s commentary: I will never understand why this book refuses to actually settle these questions. If you’re referencing it, you, DC Editorial, confirm or deny it!
The Fiddler: Although he had temporarily gained a bit of weight, at this writing, the Fiddler is safely back behind prison bars, where he has lost the excess poundage and is once more his slender self.
Brian’s commentary: Jesus Christ, why are we fat-shaming the fucking Fiddler?
Firebrand: Bored with his life of perpetual leisure, millionaire playboy Rod Reilly created the masked identity of the Firebrand so he could experience the thrills and adventure that had been so sorely lacking in his life.
Brian’s commentary: If Donald Trump ever got bored on his perpetual leisure, he’d call himself something like “Burger-Eating Lad” and die on his first attempt to climb up a wall using a grappling hook.
Firebrand II: Marital status: Single (at least into early 1942)
Brian’s commentary: Single (at least until FDR’s third term)
The Firebug: Hoping to prevent the Batman from thwarting his final fire, Rigger set his own costume ablaze, but in the ensuing battle the Firebug accidentally fell from the building’s roof, his costume’s napalm tanks exploding long before he could reach the ground. Whether Rigger somehow miraculously survived the explosion is unknown at this writing.
Brian’s commentary: Spoiler alert: he didn’t survive. Fucking napalm was strapped to his back blew up! This isn’t like they lost him in an alley and presumed he just bled out. He was napalmed into nothingness.
Firefly: Lynns was saved from apprehension when the Dynamic Duo mistook the light of a tiny firefly for the light of Lynns’ cigarette. Taking the incident as an omen, Lynns designed a colorful costume based on the insect and began a new life as the Firefly.
Brian’s commentary: Talk about taking the exact opposite lesson from a situation! “They didn’t see me in the shadows; I’ll never let that happen again!”
Firehair:
Brian’s commentary: Just say it: there was a prophecy of an outcast who would become a lightning rod for hatred. Don’t try to gussy it up.
Firehawk:
Brian’s commentary: This plan doesn’t seem very thought through. Wouldn’t the kidnapper be pretty easy to guess based on context clues?
Fire Jade: For, in the nameless limbo, her spirit was intercepted by the creature that had enchanted her long ago. The enchantment made her death different, less complete than most.
Brian’s commentary: So…she didn’t die. Death is a binary, isn’t it? So if her death is ‘different, less complete,’ then she isn’t dead. No?
Fire Lad: Alter Ego: Staq Mavlen
Brian’s commentary: That’s some real Jetsons bullshit. There just aren’t enough of those crazy names in comics anymore.
Firestorm: Apparently, Raymond and Stein must be within a certain undefined radius of each other in order to merge.
Brian’s commentary: Just tell us the fucking radius. You are a resource text!
Fisherman: Recently, while attempting to rob a posh Hollywood party, the Fisherman recently crossed paths with the reluctant superhero known as the Blue Devil and again met defeat.
Brian’s commentary: If you’re trying to sneak into a ‘posh Hollywood party,’ maybe take off your waders, bro.
The Flash I: Garrick accidentally tipped over a beaker full of an experimental form of “hard water” he had been studying. The spilled liquid gave off fumes that rendered Garrick unconscious, and he lay inhaling the fumes all night.
Brian’s commentary: It will never not be funny to me that the Flash was made a superhero by hard water. All it does for me is fuck up my dishwasher.
The Flash II: (An account alleging that the accident that gave Allen his powers was actually staged by a being named Mopee is entirely incorrect)
Brian’s commentary: Why. Even. Mention. This?
The Floronic Man: First appearance: The Atom #1
Brian’s commentary: It blows my mind that the Floronic Man isn’t a Swamp Thing villain until years after his debut. He’s just so associated with Swamp Thing at this point. It’s like finding out Venom was actually a Captain America villain (he wasn’t).
Forager: He wields an “acid pod,” which can shoot destructive streams of acid.
Brian’s commentary: Why did you need to put that in quotes? It is a pod full of acid, we get it. It’s not like it’s a clever name we need deciphered.
The Force of July: When last seen, the Force of July was imprisioned in a collapsed government base underneath the Rocky Mountains; their current whereabout and status are unknown.
Brian’s commentary: So they work for the government. They are trapped in a government base. The government didn’t send someone to get them? Justice 4 Force of July. And side note, what a name!
The Forever People: What happened to them has not yet been recorded.
Brian’s commentary: THEN WHY EVEN MENTION IT HERE? Can you see that this sort of shit is turning me into the Joker?
Forgotten Heroes: They were all once prominent heroes who had stumbled across identical ancient golden pyramids at various points around and inside the Earth, only to find themselves censured when they reported their finds to the U.S. Government.
Brian’s commentary: I find it funny that there is an office in the Pentagon where someone picks up a phone and says “plant rumors about Animal Man in the papers.” Also, I sort of want that job.
Forgotten Villains: The towering Chun Yull, otherwise known as the Faceless Hunter from Saturn.
Brian’s commentary: Why would you ever go by something else when you can go by the Faceless Hunter from Saturn? Hell, I might start going by that name.
Freedom Fighters: They survived the obliteration of Earth-X in the so-called Crisis on Infinite Earths.
Brian’s commentary: “So-called?” You’re calling into question the destruction of trillions of lives? That’s some InfoWars shit.
Funky Flashman: He is truly a marvel at persuading his listeners through fast talking and flamboyant hype.
Brian’s commentary: So he’s the Micromachines Man?
Fury: The fiery-tempered young woman was offered a choice between transferring to the University of Southern California or spending the next several years in intensive training on Paradise Island.
Brian’s commentary: “So, you can go to an excellent college near the beach, with some of the most beautiful people your own age, where there will be parties, intellectual stimulation, gorgeous weather, and sleeping until noon, or you can go to boot camp for immortals. You choose, teenager.”
Galactic Golem: Since Superman drew much of his power solely from Earth’s yellow sun, while the Golem drew his power from every star in the heavens, including many red stars that could sap Superman’s strength, Luthor assumed Superman would prove no match for the Golem. Luthor was, of course, wrong.
Brian’s commentary: Take that, Luthor!
The Gambler:
Brian’s commentary: I know this sucks, Gambler, but she seems like maybe she’s not super cool, since she basically said “I think I love you, but only if you’re not a piece of shit like your dad” and then ran off with Stiv Bators.
The Gang: Determined to make themselves wealthy but to avoid imprisonment, the four young people worked hard at developing their talents, and adopted the nicknames given to them by other kids.
Brian’s commentary: They are very lucky that they didn’t grow up in suburban New Jersey in the 80s/90s, where they’d have been named Monkey Lips, Doo-Doo Fingers, Buttz, and Yank It (all nicknames of actual kids I knew in school).
Garguax: The obese Garguax is a poor hand to hand combatant.
Brian’s commentary: Talk about kicking a Garguax when he’s down! (and apparently you can keep kicking him, as he’s piss poor at combat)
