Welcome to our coverage of “Who’s Who!” For this summer, we’ll be focusing exclusively on the 26-issue 1985-1987 series, without any of the updates. Those will, hopefully, follow next year.
Today, we dive into the fifth installment, which continues the Legionnaire focus and brings us some of the kookiest villains DC has to offer.
Best overall entry: Crime Doctor
While I maintain that the Flash has the best villains at DC, there are some Batman villains that are just perfect. Created by Bill Finger and Bob Kane back in 1943, the Crime Doctor is such a fun idea. He’s the doctor to the underworld, and collects a portion of their loot for his fee, but still upholds the Hippocratic Oath. It also has the perfect comic book copout ending, where someone who knows that Bruce Wayne is Batman winds up in a vegetative state with no memory.
Best non-character: The Construct
Now, maybe you’ll argue that this is a character. I’m not going to argue that it’s debatable, but I’d say that a collection of radio waves that became sentient is not, actually, a character.
Marquee character: Cyborg
We are still in the midst of the New Teen Titans being one of DC’s most popular comics, and so Cyborg is front and center on this cover.
Most obscure character: Colonel Future
Col. Future may be the most obscure character yet in “Who’s Who.” Aside from a Superman Sourcebook and this issue, he was only in two other pre-“Flashpoint” comics. There was a Superman villain on Earth-2 with the same name, but he is only in 5 issues. And, there was a reboot in the the ‘America’s Best Comics’ imprint, but he was only in five issues there, too. 12 issues across three different timelines is an impressive and small footprint.
Also, the dude got a full page! Some pretty major characters got the half page treatment, but not Colonel Future!
Most incomprehensible entry: The Controllers
This is the perfect storm of incomprehensibility: 30th Century, Green Lantern, pre-historic, alien, and monolithic. This all (mostly) made sense to me, but Rao help someone without a brain rotted by comics.
Most bizarre entry: Composite Superman
This is such a fun character, but everything about it, from the look to the origin (Legion statues struck by lightning while a janitor walks by) make this a nutty concept, even for hardened comics guys to embrace.
Most Surprising Entry: Clayface
Now, I knew that there were multiple Clayfaces (Claysface?), but I wasn’t aware that, pre-“Crisis on Infinite Earths,” that Basil Karlo didn’t have any shape shifting abilities.
Top three pieces of art:
3. Colonel Computron
Carmine Infantino and Klaus Janson absolutely kill this boxy weirdo.
2. Cyborg
All hail George Pérez (and Romeo Tanghal) for all of this, but especially the transformation in the top background.
1. Creeper
Dave Gibbons is so associated with “Watchmen” that I think he gets looked over for just how great his other work is. I mean, just marvel at this for a moment. Hot damn, son.
Best lines/details per entry:
Chronos: Clinton, admiring the clockwork precision with which everything was run in prison, decided he would make time work for him rather than against him.
Brian’s commentary: Irony is an overused term, but it is borderline ironic to do crimes inspired by prison.
Cinnamon: Known relatives: Unnamed Father (deceased)
Brian’s commentary: I know that her father plays into her origin, but the fact that he’s dead and unnamed means that you can probably not mention him and still be ok.
Circe: During the most recent of their encounters, Wonder Woman was indeed responsible for the destruction of Circle’s precious herbs of immortality, so that the enchantress is now aging normally.
Brian’s commentary: Herbs of immortality? Sounds like Circe is 420 friendly, no?
The Citadel: With the technology in place, the First Citadelin forcibly ejected his Psion allies (making war even on them), creating the Citadel race – but the clones were imperfect and retarded.
Brian’s commentary: Uhhh…may want to rephrase that, bro.
Continued belowClaw: The Unconquered:
Brian’s commentary: This is some of the most stringent anti-fap action we’ve ever seen in a DC comic.
Clayface(s): His flesh now malleable, Payne transformed himself into an Adonis and stepped out on the town.
Brian’s commentary: If you’re blue and you don’t know where to go to, why don’t you go where fashion sits?!
Clock King:
Brian’s commentary: Sometimes, these villain origins are torture porn. My goodness.
Cluemaster: Convinced the very knowledge that they were facing the Batman was a psychological handicap that gave the Masked Manhunter an edge over his foes, the Cluemaster was determined to lean the Batman’s true identity so that he could sneak-attack and dispose of the Batman in his civilian guise.
Brian’s commentary: Is Masked Manhunter a common name for Batman? Also, this acts like Cluemaster is the first person to realize that if you could solve Batman’s secret identity, that you’d have a leg up on Batman.
Colonel Computron: Though it has been speculated that Colonel Computron is in fact either Basil Nurblin, the actual inventor of the Captain Computron toy, his wife Francine, an electronic wizard in her own right, or their genius daughter, Luna.
Brian’s commentary: “Electronic wizard” sounds like either an early 80s MC’s name or a toy that Radio Shack sold.
Colonel Future:
Brian’s commentary: This power is pretty cool, but it sounds like no one would want to have the physical effects of getting to that power.
Color Kid: His power to alter the color of objects, a result of a laboratory accident that bathed in a multidemensional light, was considered nearly useless and he was rejected.
Brian’s commentary: I mean…yeah.
Colossal Boy: When the true identity of Yera (the Durlan’s stage name) was revealed, Gim realized he had fallen in love with her, and reaffirmed his marriage.
Brian’s commentary: Sometimes, the best marriages are the ones that begin with deception.
Commander Steel: As of this writing, the details of Commander Steel’s exploits between 1941 and the present have not been officially recorded.
Brian’s commentary: Then why, pray tell, would you even mention that?
Composite Superman: When possessing these powers, the Composite Superman is an extraordinary athlete and superior hand-to-hand combatant. Plain Joe Meach is neither of those things.
Brian’s commentary: Sick burn.
Computo: A now-tamed version of Computo is contained in an energized circuit globe that serves as majordomo for the LSH headquarters under Brainiac Five’s watchful supervision, and the suspicious lances of other Legionnaires.
Brian’s commentary: I’m highlighting this just for the use of the word “majordomo,” which is a lovely word we don’t use nearly enough.
Congorilla: Explorer, Big-Game Trapper, Naturalist, Corporate President
Brian’s commentary: Donald Trump Jr. wants this exact bio for his Truth Social bio.
The Construct:
Brian’s commentary: This is some sci-fi bullshit, but exactly my kind of sci-fi bullshit.
Controllers: The Legionnaires also confronted the Controller, who died of an apparent heart attack that may or may not have been caused by the presence of Ferro Lad’s ghost.
Brian’s commentary: I love to hear that near-indestructible alien races can still suffer from the effects of heart disease.
Copperhead: Constructed from a unique weave of experimental metallic and elastic fibers, the snake-suit is coated with a polymer film that enables Copperhead to slither through impossibly small spaces and makes him almost untouchable.
Brian’s commentary: So his suit allows his bones to shrink or go limp?
Cosmic Boy: Recently, Rokk’s mother, Ewa, was killed in a fireballing incident.
Brian’s commentary: I feel like we need more context for what, exactly, a ‘fireballing’ incident entails.
Cosmic King: He has demonstrated no skill at physical combat.
Brian’s commentary: “Who’s Who” values two things above all else: are you an Olympic-level athlete, and can you throw a punch? If there answer to either is no, get the fuck out.
The Council: The Council values secrecy above all else and does all it can to avoid attracting attention to itself. Thus, at this writing, the world is generally unaware of the Council’s existence.
Continued belowBrian’s commentary: Seems like writing this exact entry would make them impossibly mad.
Count Vertigo: Alter Ego: Count Werner Vertigo
Brian’s commentary: I know that he wasn’t exactly looking for a “secret” identity, but c’mon dude.
Crazy Quilt: After murdering Kinski during an argument, Crazy-Quilt managed to lure Robin into an alley and, beating him mercilessly, left the boy for dead, not knowing that this was Jason Todd, the new Robin.
Brian’s commentary: Don’t you hate it when you beat the wrong boy and nearly kill him?
The Creature Commandos:
Brian’s commentary: The idea of a Frankenstein called Taylor is never not funny to me.
The Creeper: In order to infiltrate a costume party where the kidnappers were rumored to be fathering, Jack threw together a makeshift out from from old odds and ends, including yellow makeup and a shaggy sheepskin rug.
Brian’s commentary: I like that Jack’s costume also involved some red gogo boots and a green striped pair of briefs. Let’s go to this party!
Crime Doctor: Occupation: Physician and Part-time criminal
Brian’s commentary: Shouldn’t his name be Doctor Crime then? You lead with the title that’s most a part of you, no?
Crime Syndicate:
Brian’s commentary: Please, give us more ridiculous examples!
Crimson Avenger: The Crimson Avenger’s calling card was a cloud of crimson smoke through which he made a most dramatic entrance.
Brian’s commentary: I’ve known people who appear through a cloud of verdant smoke, if you catch my drift.
Croc: Born in a Florida slum to an unwed mother who died giving birth to him, Waylon Jones was raised by a deadbeat alcoholic aunt.
Brian’s commentary: Jesus, why not just slander the whole family while you’re at it?
Cyborg: The morose young athlete was virtually rebuilt from scratch and given a body far more powerful than that of any normal human being.
Brian’s commentary: Wouldn’t you be “morose” if you were almost killed and now was half machine? Way to judge, “Who’s Who.”
Cyclotron: Though ultimately cured of her radiation poisoning in an as-yet-disclosed manner, Terri Curtis passed the effects of the radiation on to her own son, Albert, with led to his becoming the super-hero known as Nuklon.
Brian’s commentary: If you think this is confusing, wait until you see how Nuklon was retconned into being the Atom’s son.
