Welcome to our coverage of “Who’s Who!” For this summer, we’ll be focusing exclusively on the 26-issue 1985-1987 series, without any of the updates. Those will, hopefully, follow next year.
This week, we get the finale entries in the ‘Parade of Doctors,’ as well as more 30th Century characters than you’d expect from “E.”
Best overall entry (tie): Doll Man
There’s something in this entry for everyone: want some alt-history World War II stuff? We got you. The vagueness that seems totally unnecessary for a reference book? Yup! Some stuff that could only have come from 1940s DC? Check. The shortest pants you can imagine a hero in? Oh yeah!
Best overall entry (tie): Earthworm
This entry on the other hand, is just so ridiculous and silly that you can’t help but say “Oh, DC!” and rustle its hair like the neighbor boy in a 1950s sitcom.
Marquee character: Elongated Man
We are at the tail end of the Justice League Detroit in this era, and we are getting a lot of Elongated Man in the various JL titles for the next few years, so this makes sense. This is also somewhat of a barren wasteland in terms of marquee characters, so Ralph would do, even if he wasn’t a truly great character, which he is.
Most obscure character: Enforcer I (Leroy Merkyn)
I normally wouldn’t include a character that isn’t the main person featured in an entry, but this entry is for both Enforcers, and we get his disembodied head alongside his stats, so I think this counts. Just three non-“Who’s Who” appearances for this z-list Firestorm villain.
Most incomprehensible entry: El Diablo
This isn’t the tattooed Suicide Squad character, but rather a Western character that’s origin is so unbearably complicated for no good reason.
Most bizarre entry: Elu
Again, you’ve got to tip your cap to DC for even attempting to tell stories with Elu, let alone having them join an honest to goodness superhero team in the Omega Men.
Most inappropriately horny: Dolphin
This is drawn like a Betty Page pinup for no good reason. Hell, even look at the scuba diver Tex Avery wolf howl eyes! This is, easily, the horniest image in the whole series thus far.
Top three pieces of art:
3. Electrocutioner (David Ross and Klaus Janson)
On the surface, there isn’t that much to talk about here, but the image just jumped off the page for me. The costume also has a very late 80s Marvel aesthetic, and as a longtime “US Agent has a better costume than Captain America” crank, that very much appeals to me.
2. Dr. Thirteen (Tony DeZunga)
This looks like a character lifted from a not very well regarded Hammer horror film, and what’s not to love about that?
1. Duo Damsel (Mary Wilshire and Dick Giordano)
Everything about this image is expertly constructed. The logo, the pose, the triptych of images on the lefthand side, it is all so perfect for the character. Plus, it’s nice to see Mary Wilshire get a featured image, one of the few drawn by a woman thus far in the series.
Best lines/details per entry:
Doctor Psycho: As a schoolboy, Doctor Psycho was laughed at by his classmates because of his diminutive stature and unusually large head.
Brian’s commentary: I fear that one day my son, who inherited my wife’s diminutive stature and my giant head, will have his supervillain biography begin the same way.
Doctor Regulus: Seeking revenge, Regulus used robots to beat Dirk and left him to die in the core of the plant’s reactor, but Dirk survived and inadvertently gained super-powers.
Brian’s commentary: Seems like Dr. Regulus got the opposite of revenge, doesn’t it? Bad luck, Doc!
Dr. Thirteen: Occupation: Ghost breaker
Brian’s commentary: It seems like a better description would be something like “ghost debunker;” “ghost breaker” sounds like he’s breaking them in like horses. You know, to ride them.
Doctor Tzin-Tzin: Despite his Oriental attitude and demeanor, the main called Doctor Tzin-Tzin was actually an American orphan round years ago by Chinese bandits and raised by them.
Continued belowBrian’s commentary: [tugging at collar intensely until shirt rips at the neck]
Doll Man: Doll Man and his fellow heroes went to Earth-1 to fight crime but, through a misunderstanding, found themselves wanted by the law.
Brian’s commentary: Reading “Who’s Who,” you realize just how common this is.
Dolphin: Whether Dolphin is the last survivor of some forgotten undersea race, the result of some forbidden experiment, an alien stranded on Earth, or something else entirely is unknown as of this writing and the subject of great speculation.
Brian’s commentary: LOL, thanks for clarifying that.
Don Caballero: Don Caballero was also a highly skilled horseman and rode a great white stallion named Caballo.
Brian’s commentary: So his horse is named…horse? I love this guy!
Doom Patrol: Farr was an actress whom strange gases had given the ability to grow and shrink in size.
Brian’s commentary: This seems like a joke some shithead boyfriend would make when he farts in bed. “What, honey? Maybe you’ll get superpwoers from this strange gas!”
Doom Patrol II: For a time, the new Doom Patrol was hunted by legal authorities, due to an unfortunate misunderstanding, but they appeared to have resolved their problems with the law.
Brian’s commentary: See! This is exactly what I said about Doll Man!
Dragon King: To this end, the Dragon King employed his vast scientific knowledge and the apparent mystical power at his command to create – with the aid of the legendary Spear of Destiny and the Holy Grail – a supernatural energy-field around all of Axis-held Europe and Asia.
Brian’s commentary: So did Dragon King actually do anything, or was it the two Christ-imbued holy artifacts? I think we need to reconsider the credit here.
Dream Girl: She is considered the most beautiful and alluring Legionnaire.
Brian’s commentary: What a cool and normal thing to say about a teenager.
The Duke of Deception: Mars [the god, not the planet – Ed.] had the Duke use his powers to spread falsehoods among humanity to provoke them into conflict and war. The Duke now acts independently, but pursues the same ends.
Brian’s commentary: It’s nice to see Duke gain the entrepreneurial spirit that was holding him back when he was under Mars’s employ.
The Dummy: In recent years, the Dummy murdered the Chinese-American nicknamed “Stuff,” who as a boy had been the Vigilante’s sidekick. The Vigilante and Stuff’s son brought the Dummy to justice for this crime.
Brian’s commentary: I am very sorry to hear of Stuff’s murder, but I’m wondering if I can cop that nickname, since he’s not using it and all? “Stuff” Salvatore sounds like a pro wrestler or a porn star, and I’m not mad at either.
Duo Damsel: Realizing that a crush she had long had on Superboy was hopeless because she knew his history from her history books, she fell in love with Chuck Taine (Bouncing Boy) when he lost his powers.
Brian’s commentary: This is the most calculated love story I’ve ever heard. Who said romance is dead?
Duplicate Boy: The relationship recently ended when Duplicate Boy failed to rescue Violet when an imposter took her place in the Legion.
Brian’s commentary: I need more context to see whose side I’m taking in the split. It seems like I’d be Team Violet, but I don’t want to slander Duplicate Boy without enough knowledge.
Earthworm:
Brian’s commentary: “Hey, we’re trying out a new character. What should we do with them? I’m tired of bank robbers and people trying to rule the world. What about a baby salesman? Yeah, you heard me, a black market baby salesman that operates out of a sewer and who vaguely resembles a terrestrial invertebrate! I think this is money!”
Easy Company: Despite several published reports to the contrary, it remains unknown as of this writing whether any of the Combat-Happy Joes of Easy Company survived the final days of World War Two.
Brian’s commentary: Why even have this entry if we can’t tie up some (at the time) forty year old loose ends?
Eclipso: For a time, an artificial eclipse would only change Gordon into Eclipso, not separate the two, but that seems no longer applicable.
Continued belowBrian’s commentary: Thank goodness we were made aware of this very minor piece of information.
Elastic Lad: Professor Potter’s “elastic serum” gives Olsen the power to stretch any part of his body to incredible lengths for a limited period of time.
Brian’s commentary: This seems like a party trick that young James Olsen would’ve pulled – pun intended – way too many times with Lucy Lane.
Elasti-Girl: Apparently, Elastin-Girl gave off an unknown aura that caused whatever she wore to expand, stretch, or shrink as she did.
Brian’s commentary: I’m shocked at how not horny this is, but also laughing that it is chalked up to an aura.
El Diablo: Seemingly possessed of almost supernatural powers of survival, it is not certain whether these abilities were a result of Wise Owl’s Apache magic of simply the mark of an extraordinary man.
Brian’s commentary: So…he may or may not have superpowers? Again, why even bring this up? Wikipedia articles don’t include a “It is unknown if Brad Pitt is a vampire or not” sentence, because most likely they aren’t. So, look at the evidence, and pick a side.
Electrocutioner:
Brian’s commentary: Again with the wishy washy endings to these pieces!
Element Lad: His lonely personal life has left him an unusually devoted and active member of the Legion, and his only close friend outside the team is Shvaughn Erin of the Science Police.
Brian’s commentary: A better Legion title would be Emo Lad. Give him a comb over and a Dashboard Confessional tattoo and we’re in business.
Elongated Man: Dibny learned that each rubber man he had met liked a soft drink called gingold.
Brian’s commentary: This entry begins with his parents taking him to a sideshow and seeing an “Indian rubber man,” which is weird enough. But how many rubber men did he meet, and observe ordering or drinking a soft drink, to come to this conclusion? Was Dibny a rubber man groupie?
El Papagayo: Marital Status: Single (apparently)
Brian’s commentary: Again, I fucking love the refusal to commit the mortal sin of giving the incorrect marital status for a villain whose name translates to “the Parrot.”
Elu: Roguians are perhaps the universe’s most obsessively shy creatures.
Brian’s commentary: I call bullshit on this. There must be creatures so shy that they’d never allow themselves to be spoken to. For a book that loves to qualify things within an inch of their lives, this seems like a pretty fucking brazen statement.
Emerald Empress: She has worked with her fellow members on several occasions, but continues an independent career in an attempt to dominate her own planet or an acceptable substitute.
Brian’s commentary: Good for you, Emerald Empress! No one’s the boss of you!
The Enchantress:
Brian’s commentary: Imagine all the bits of happenstance that had to careen together to make this transformation.
Enemy Ace: Believing that “the sky is the killer of us all,” Hans Von Hammer fought with courage and ingenuity.
Brian’s commentary: I’m sorry, how do the two clauses of that sentence fit together?
Enforcer: Hewitt, as the superpower Tokamak, then slayed Merkyn in prison and gave the Enforcer suit to his female aide Mica.
Brian’s commentary: There has to be a better way to describe her role than “female aide,” no?
The Eradicator:
Brian’s commentary: That’s one way to solve a problem: self disintegration!
Evil Star: Years passed, and the being who now called himself Evil Star laughed as his wife and son grew old and died, while he remained young.
Brian’s commentary: “HA! Look at you son, getting old and wrinkled, while your pop is still virile and sexy. Now go die. HA!”
The Fadeaway Man: Though Lamont was finally captured, his conjure-cloak vanished, seemingly of its own accord, and remains a potential threat as of this writing.
Brian’s commentary: I have two kids, and this is exactly how they describe things that get lost. “We don’t know what happened to it!”
Fastback: Fastback can remove his shell, apparently an ability possessed by all turtles on Earth-C.
Brian’s commentary: Well, that’s all the nightmare fuel I need for the next two weeks.
