I’d like to set this review up by saying I’ve only seen this movie once, in 2009, in my dorm, on a computer. Also the version I watched was that leaked version that made it on to the internet. My friend had downloaded it and told me he was coming over. I thought the idea of this movie was great, I was a fan of Wolverine, right? Right?
No doubt Hugh Jackman was one of the draws to the X-Men franchise. He was way too tall and the hair is absolutely ridicoulous, but I dug all of his appearances as Logan, despite The Last Stand. So join me as I revisit this timeless classic, this power house of a movie, I hope we’ll have some fun.
Okay, wow. Let me just start off by saying that opening montage perfectly encapsulated over 100 years of life on earth from 1845 to the end of the Vietnam War. Guys. I love opening montages, this one may even be comparable to Watchmen‘s rendition of “The Times, They are a-Changin'”.
So yeah, 1845? whaaaaaa? Wolverine is super old when X-Men starts. Why is Will I AM in this movie? I’m sorry if things seem sporadic. If I’m being honest, I kinda fell asleep a few times during this movie so I’m going to be short.
The inception of Ryan Reynolds’s Wade Wilson is, in my humble opinion, the best thing the movie does. Also Wade Wilson’s ultimate fate in this movie is the worst thing the movie does, and the movie does a lot of shitty things. What Ryan Reynolds brought us a Deadpool movie, from this Cyclops and Emma Frost, anyone? The fucking Blob?! GAMBIT?! Holy cow, I’m so confused about why this movie exists.
Lets talk about Sabertooth. This is probably Liev Schreiber’s best performance since Scream. I fucking hate his retractable claws. I’m not a huge Sabertooth guy, does he even have that in the comics? I’m all about Logan’s bone claws, they’re dope as shit, but retractable finger nails? C’mon FOX. His canines aren’t too appealing either. Also, like what are “Victor’s” motivations in this movie? Does the poor guy just want his baby brother to love him? Also, the way he pounces is just a little too much.
The special effects aren’t anything to gawk at, though that final fight looked a hell of a lot different than what I remembered. I sort of wish I was watching the leaked version again, as at least I found that to be somewhat amusing. I also liked how a deck of cards broke through a brick building. Oh, Remy.
I don’t like this movie. And I don’t want to be the person (though I know I’m not alone) who just talks shit about it. I’m sitting here now, thinking of different ways to insult it, but I’m asking myself will that even give me joy cause nothing in this movie did. I’m not even smart enough to insult this movie properly. I’m sure most of my colleagues will have some sick burns, but I’ll quit while I’m ahead.
I’m not going to say this is a bad movie, only that I didn’t like it. If you haven’t seen it, SKIP it. S-K-I-P it. If you have, why are you re-watching this foul thing other than to celebrate Multiversity Comics 10th anniversary (also my birthday, thanks for the bday love).
So if you wanna give your grandma a heart attack, please let her watch Hugh Jackman’s perfect man’s body fight some dudes for some silly reason, pop this movie in, grab some popcorn and get ready for a ride.
Happy Birthday, Multiversity Comics (and me). Thanks for this wonderful gift, a true gift that keeps on giving.
