I’ve been reviewing the CW Arrow-verse shows since 2012, and yet Adventures of Superman might well be the show to strip me of the joy of watching superheroes on my television set. Let’s dig in.
1. How did no one know he was under mind control?
A weird theme has emerged over the course of this first season, which is that the writers were more than willing to stretch credulity for technological reasons, but never in the form of a character. For instance, “The Mind Machine” is about a machine that can read and manipulate any mind within 20 miles. The show is totally willing to commit to that, but would never have allowed a non-Superman alien with a similar power. It’s a weird distinction, but one they seem pretty serious about.
Anyway, this machine doesn’t just control someone’s mind, it turns them into some sort of staring in to the distance, mouth agape stooge. The plot of the episode revolves around a gangster stealing this machine and its inventor to stop hearings being held about the gangster. A guy is on the stand, talking like a regular dude, and then all of a sudden is Pauly Shore. Wouldn’t people think something suspicious is happening?
But wait! There’s more!
Three folks all have their minds manipulated, and then they all die. One dies – get this – after stealing a school bus and having his brain break. Superman seems totally fine with this dead guy just sitting in the driver’s seat of a bus with kids on it. Man, Superman is the worst.
2. Good for Lois / Fucking Lois
These two episodes make the arguments for why Lois Lane is both the best and worst character on the show. In “The Mind Machine,” she’s super diligent as a reporter, digging up facts, putting her own life at risk, etc. Not only that but, for a woman in the 1950s, Lois is no one’s hanger on. She drives Clark around, she forces her way into conversations, she’s just the best. She’s a feminist icon for everyone.
In “Rescue,” however, she is a lunatic. She’s covering a story about a mining community and, when a miner gets trapped, she dons mining gear and goes into a collapsing mine to help him, despite her having, oh, no experience? She nearly dies, not for a story, not doing something to help, but essentially because she’s nosy. Her going into the mine has no real value. Oof.
3. The world’s oldest miner
Pops, the old miner who get stuck in the mine, looks to be somewhere between 90 and 900 years old. He defies an order to abandon that mine and then, of course, still goes in. I wanted to see him arrested when he was pulled out for defying a government order but, alas, I suppose they figure he’ll just croak in approximately 8 minutes of old age anyway.
That said, he did look quite comfortable laying under the rubble. He was maxing and relaxing for sure.
4. No, seriously, Superman is the worst
So, in “The Mind Machine,” Superman needs the assistance of radar to locate the missing titular machine. So, he, as Clark Kent, boards a plane with a pilot/assistant of the missing scientist. When they find the machine, he realizes “oh shit, Clark Kent can’t just leave the plane,” so he engages autopilot, of course, and then punches out the pilot. So, this pilot is essentially in an airborne casket, just waiting to die. Superman does save him in the nick of time, and convinces him that he merely blacked out. Sure.
Then, in “Rescue,” there’s an entire episode of Clark just being Clark, reporting on dull shit and not engaging his super powers at all. He doesn’t realize that Lois is in danger until he happens upon the mine she’s in days later, when he was supposed to pick her up. This episode, more than any of the other eight that preceded it, really has a paltry layer of Superman. Can’t he use super hearing? Anything? On that note…
5. There needs to be a better way to alert Superman to shit that’s happening
Since this Superman isn’t as ‘super’ as other incarnations, they need some way to alert him to danger. A spotlight in the sky? A watch that shows him videos? A dedicated radio frequency that only he can hear? Hey, that last one isn’t a bad idea…
