This week had one absolutely insane episode of Adventures of Superman, and one really boring one. We’ll dedicate most of our attention to the bonkers situation in which Clark finds himself in “The Stolen Costume.”
1. I guess I need to say something about “The Deserted Village”
Look, they can’t all be winners, and even by the incredibly low bar set so far in this series, “The Deserted Village” is a clunker. The motivations for the characters is suspect at best, and all seem to be tossed in at the last minute to give the episode some sort of shape. But the episode itself, which features a dead dog, a father/son mining scheme, poison gas, and a ‘sea monster,’ manages to be incredibly dull, despite that laundry list of interesting ideas found within. But don’t worry, the next one more than makes up for it.
2. OK, strap in
So, “The Stolen Costume” begins with a man rappelling down the side of a building, being chased by the police. He finds his way, through serendipity into Clark Kent’s apartment. He stumbles in the dark and manages to open Clark’s secret closet that holds his Superman suit, and only his Superman suit. The guy finds it, and I think I begin to figure out the episode. This guy is going to put the suit on and pose as Superman, and that’s how he’ll avoid the cops.
WRONG.
Instead, he just cradles the costume as he runs from the building and is shot. He manages to get back to his boss’s apartment, where he reveals the apartment number before croaking. His boss and his lady friend, to whom he mansplains, sexually harasses, and generally disrespects at every turn, set off to figure out who Superman is, so they can ‘work out a deal’ for the suit. They find out it is Clark’s apartment, and put two and two together, remembering how he always writes Superman stories for the Planet. It is amazing that dumb crooks routinely figure this out on this show, but Lois, a legitimately great reporter, is clueless.
3. My pal, the Private Investigator
Clark calls his PI pal Candy Meyers (what a name!) to help him investigate. Except, he can’t reveal his secret to Candy, so he just says that ‘something important’ was stolen. Candy is understandably frustrated by this, but takes orders from Clark like a well trained puppy. He dusts for prints, and then, at Clark’s insistence, stays in his apartment for a few hours for no discernible reason. He also, somewhat accidentally, poses as Clark, which confuses the thugs for a few moments.
Side note: it appears that Candy returns in season 3. Can’t wait!
4. Let’s talk about this closet
So, I totally understand why Clark can’t put his Superman costume next to his comically oversized, double breasted suit he wears every day. I also understand why he would need a clandestine, normie looking apartment. But the man can almost do anything, and still chooses a simple button that can open the door. Why not use, oh, I don’t know, x-ray vision to reveal a secret switch in a place no one would look? Or have it so only someone with his strength can trigger the opening mechanism? Or, oh, anything else?
Candy doesn’t seem overly surprised that Clark has a creep closet, nor are either he nor Clark all that surprised when a BOMB GOES OFF IN THE CLOSET. Holy shit, that really happened, you guys. The bad guys planted a bomb to blow up Superman, which everyone just sort of treats like your everyday occurrence. Clark even says “Candy, go distract anyone who comes knocking so I can clean this up.” How, exactly, do you clean up a hole in the wall, a literal, man-sized, hole in the wall. This isn’t a ‘shit, the dog got into my underwear drawer and has thrown my banana hammocks everywhere!’ clean up situation. Motherfucker needs some drywall.
5. So how do you think Clark deals with two folks knowing his identity?
Eventually, Clark has to knock out Candy while running at full speed, so that he can not see Clark reveal his identity. The thugs are a little cocky, wanting to make a deal, but they have the right idea: Superman doesn’t kill (“Everyone knows that!” they say), so he has no real leverage.
Continued belowExcept, this Superman is not a good man.
He flies them to a mountain top in what appears to be the Alps, and tells them to hang tight, he’ll bring them food and water, but they’re stuck up there for life. Understandably, the thug (Ace, I looked it up), decides he’s going to try to climb down, despite Supes telling him he can’t do it. He makes it a little ways, then his dame (Connie) starts to do the same, but she slips and falls, taking Ace with her, plummeting to their sure doom.
The epilogue on the episode shows Clark talking about the situation, casually mentioning that they died falling off a cliff, and seems to show no remorse. If there is one thing this Superman is all about, it is protecting his identity at all costs. Sure, Superman doesn’t kill, but he’s totally cool if you happen to get dead. Everyone knows that!
