Season two’s penultimate episode has arrived along with the Justice League! Batman, Wonder Woman, and Superman are back in fighting form, helping take down the army of pestering Para Demons plaguing Gotham. Where is Green Lantern and Flash? Good question. Who cares, I suppose. The fact is the Big Three are kicking demon butt while Harley races to save a mind-controlled Ivy from getting Justice Leagued all over the street. Have you ever noticed how effective mind-controlled heroes and villains are? Perhaps its the loss of inhibition, but they are always super effective. Ivy is out there delivering a bouquet of whoop-ass to the heroes this entire episode. Maybe she needs to be mind-controlled more. Let’s get into the Five Thoughts, shall we? Spoilers ahead.
1. How does Kite Man control that kite?
I have been wondering this since his first appearance. How is he controlling that giant bedsheet he calls a kite? He soars through the air with no trouble at all. We haven’t been shown a controller or mechanism that allows him to steer. How does he control his pitch or yaw? It’s basically a lousy parachute packed in a hard-shell backpack. Then Harley puts on the Kite and completely nails flight. It must be way more sophisticated than we realize or give credit to. I hope we find out Kite Man is a savant, and his kite is an expertly crafted flight suit powered by the Anti-Life equation.
2. How strong is Superman?
This entire episode, Superman was busy dropping dad puns and flexing his massive pecks. During that time, maybe 30% of it was him trapped in a mess of vines. How strong is this version of Superman? He was having a real hard time with animated plant life. At one point, he was throwing haymakers at two vines and doing little to no damage. It was embarrassing for sure. The biggest issue with Superman is always his power level. He is basically a god, and that does not make for exciting storytelling. So his power scales to fit stories. Sometimes he can move planets; other times, he is bound by vines. Let’s just baseline this guy already because I am confused.
3. Did the Big Three just have a threesome?
They did, right? That is what we are lead to believe. The last time we saw them, Wonder Woman was about to undress Batman and Superman was really into himself. Some alien self-love definitely happened after Harley and Ivy skedaddled. I must say, I don’t think that’s the first Justice League threesome to ever occur. If you really think about it, it probably happens a lot. Just look at the Olympics. When you get all these high-level athletes in one place for too long, they get randy. The sex in that Olympic Village is countless and probably at least silver medal-worthy. Now think about all those heroes in The Watchtower. It’s athletes times 1000, and they are in space! What else are they going to do? Why did I start talking about this? Who cares, just go imagine it.
4. Darkseid is.
I love Darkseid as a force of nature. However, his problem is similar to Superman’s. He is all-powerful, so how do you defeat him. Well, you make him stand around and command less powerful people to do things. The amount of time Darkseid spends doing jack shit in every situation or story he’s put in is impressive. Really go back and look. Darkseid doesn’t do anything, ever. He is either sitting down or standing around scowling like a fed-up dad after a long day at Disney World. He so rarely flexes his powers, and when he does, he doesn’t win. Hell, Ivy basically shooed him back through his Boom Tube, and he straight up left. I am starting to think he has sciatica or some lower back issues we aren’t privy to. If so, I hope he gets it checked out, back pain is no joke.
5. The other shoe just dropped
Not only did Kite Man (a.k.a Chuck) watch his woman bang her bestie. Literally, all of Gotham saw it. There is a level of messed up that can’t be expressed in words. He was cucked out of left field and in front of the entire city. Damnit. I feel for him. We all knew it was coming, but I didn’t think his most embarrassing moment would be in front of everyone. If Kite Man were a real dude, I feel like we would be buds. He’s probably a fun hang, and he comes with a giant kite. Break out the ice cream and comedy films. It’s time to repair that man’s, fragile heart.
The wrap-up
Oh, what will happen now. Is Chuck going to marry Ivy now that he knows she’s in love with Harley? Will King Shark be able to find a dentist to repair his ruined chompers? Did Batman carry protection in that utility belt of his? How funny would it be if he pulled out condoms from his wallet and not the belt? Just old rubbers from high school. Anyway, another great episode full of action and ridiculous humor. Cy Borgman also returned (…), and the Joker made a brief appearance before shuffling off to order Tai food for dinner. So weird to think of Mr. J as a family man, but I stand by my Joker sitcom idea from last week. Give it to me!
Catch you next week for the season finale, Hyenas!
