Howdy Harley’s Hyenas! That’s what we are called now. This week, Harley Quinn was an exercise in pushing the envelope in all the best gory ways. You didn’t know you needed Cinderella’s Mouse as a character in this series until his little french ass showed up. I am a man who loves a good gritty reboot, and Queen of Fables can make all your childhood story characters badass. I mean, we all knew the Big Bad Wolf was a big bad wolf, but my goodness. This version was the biggest and badest wolf, maybe coming in second to the Great Grey Wolf Sif from Dark Souls. We also got a look at what Poison Ivy has been up to in her free time, shamefully plowing Kite Man. As with every week, I have some thoughts. Five to be exact. Minor spoilers ahead.
1. I was wrong. Put Queen Of Fables under the jail
I was all set up to wax poetic on the disproportionate prison sentencing of black people in America. I had notes on cruel and unusual punishment in the prison system. This was my shot to tie my love of comic book properties to my vile hatred of the systemic racism that remains prevalent today. Then Queen of Fables fed the Praxis family to the Big Bad Wolf. *crumples notes*. Stuff that chick under the jail. Bury her in a pit under a mountain of poorly written, incoherent novels. That lady is a goddamn menace!
2. Kite Ivy? Poison Kite?
Have you ever felt like your girlfriend or boyfriend was embarrassed to be seen with you? That seems like a terrible thing to experience. On the other side, have you ever liked someone you were ashamed to be seen with in public? Genuinely loving someone and being embarrassed by them has to be some confusing ass emotions. For Poison Ivy, it was an ego trip. That and the fact that the man she’s dating has a giant kite strapped to his back. She should be dating a movie star. At the very least, she would have a tawdry affair with a big-time Justice League member. That would be right in line with this show. I would be down to watch that unfold. But no, she has a regular guy who clearly has his life all figured out the way he wants it. Say what you will about Kite Man, he is feigning a high level of confidence the rest of us can only wish to pull off. He does read signals all wrong, but we moved past that I suppose. As a side note, Kite Man’s “Hell Yea” this episode was really touching. Score a win for love people!
3. Can we talk about the Three Little Pigs for a moment…
I saw Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels sometime in high school. That was my first introduction to “pigs eat everything.” Over the years I randomly read articles to that fact. Here and there someone would bring up the fact that pigs have been used to get rid of bodies for the mob or some other organized crime syndicate. Anytime I hear these anecdotes, I think back to sitting on my couch and watching Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. That was then. Now whenever someone brings up the fact that pigs devour all parts of the human body when hungry and motivated, I will think of the Three Little Pigs. When I read that classic bedtime story to my baby girl, I will think of those pigs straight munching that wolf out of existence. I am just happy I am old and cynical enough that it wouldn’t negatively affect me. There is only up from here, folks!
4. Phil Lamarr!
Phil Lamarr is the best in the business. Mr. Lamarr has voiced some of my favorite genre characters of all time. Static of Static Shock. Vamp from Metal Gear Solid 2. Hermes of Futurama fame, and of course John Stewart, the Green Lantern. He’s in a bunch of amazing cartoons, a bunch of great games, and one of the best casts of a sketch show. His run on Mad TV got me through many a late-night back in the mid-’90s. Now he is the voice of justice. The cry of vengeance. Praxis! With his powers and that sweet blonde ponytail, I bet we are going to be seeing a lot of…oh. Nevermind.
5. Finally, some stakes
We finally got some stakes for our bright and shiny leader. Harley’s inability to be a true evil supervillain has put her in a raw position. Quinn’s friend and mentor have become Harley’s frienemy. A villain with a wealth of power, vindictive personality, and a creative mind. Fable’s idle threat at the end of the episode finally breaks Harley from constantly circling the Joker and possibly supplies her with a nemesis of her own. Now the question is how does Harley step up to meet such a violent antagonist. Queen of Fables introduced a new type of murderous villain to Gotham. The contrast between Fable’s actions and those of Harley’s crew is very stark. I say unleash King Shark on her and call it a season.
See you next week fellow Hyenas!
