Hello, Hyenas! Harley Quinn returns with the mushiest, gushiest Valentine’s day-themed episode you could ask for. There are montages of love, a Ghost homage only beat by the folks at Community, and of course, our favorite crime-riddled couple, Harley and Ivy. Harley wants to give Ivy the best Valentine’s Day possible this time, and everything screws up royally. It’s commendable that the series tackles real relationship issues at the core of this manic animated chaos. This time, it’s listening to your partner—something we can all do better at. I actively choose to ignore my wife. But that’s for a different five thoughts with some sort of professional listener. Let’s tackle this Valentine’s Day special with a special five thoughts.
1. They dragged my boy Etrigan into this…
I love Etrigan. The (de)man has style. He has the voice of John Stamos. He can’t get more style than that. He’s a poet from hell who can blow brimstone fireworks out of his hands. His occult knickknack shop is not the best use of his time. At least he is hocking potions and magical orgasm incantations that work. He could easily be a lying liar from hell who sells fake nonsense to fools. It turns out he’s a demon with scruples who sells incredibly dangerous mixins and spells to horny supervillains. Wait, isn’t Etrigan a good guy?
2. The Bane of Valentine’s Day
Why does this show hate Bane so much? The man can’t catch a break, and when he does, he ends up 4 stories tall, banging every building in sight instead of having a nice evening with a random dominatrix he met. The question is, did anyone else think Elizabeth was a version of Giganta? I was praying for my boy so he could get it on with an equally large person but no dice. Ultimately he will have a terrible sexual encounter regardless of her willingness to try it out. As Harlivy put it, it’s going to go poorly.
3. …oh, Clayface
During Clayface’s soliloquy with his sentient ass about not being loved because he’s a monster, I realized he’s a monster who should not be loved. There is a breaking point for all of us—a time when something isn’t sustainable. Clayface’s singing asscrack was my breaking point. I’ve given up on this character and hereby expel him from whatever gang Harley had that no longer exists. Everything about this was terrible. Don’t try to lick your ass in ecstasy unless you are nimble and on ecstasy. I mean, come on ‘face. Have some standards.
4. Who were they all talking to?
I understand there is a suspension of disbelief with these shows, especially cartoons. But I have to know, who were all the couples talking to in their weird confessionals? I assume it’s you and I since Ivy asks if they can say Happy Valentine’s day and leave, referencing that they are currently in a VDay episode. But if that’s the case, for whose benefit were all the rest of the confessionals? That was the first time we saw Hawkman and Hawkgirl in this show, and I will bet ever again. So in the fiction of the universe, they showed up to film a 15-second segment for a meta-reality show they aren’t even on? Look, I know I am overanalyzing this, but I have to write something, and it’s a cartoon about a man falling in love with his asshole. By comparison, my gripes are small.
5. Ivy is awkward
I love the voice acting for Ivy for how completely awkward it is. If its a choice, it was a stroke of brilliance. Ivy’s orgasmic speaking-in-tongues was some strange garble of nonsense only a completely sexually satisfied person would utter. It made me chuckle, for sure. It’s not the only time Ivy has mush-mouthed her way through a scene, and it’s become both a character quirk and a point of endearment for the audience. The episode of chock is full of these moments, but how could I pass up the opportunity to write “It’s the right thing for me.” about a Poison Ivy orgasm?
The wrap-up
This special episode was in line with the ridiculous vibe Harley Quinn rides. Sometimes the writers want to get saucy, and we end up with butt love for Clayface. I suppose you have to have fun with your job, and this constitutes that. The Harley Diana scene was a stand-out moment, which exists outside the lovey-dovey nature of the episode. It also reinforces my belief that every superhero in this universe is dumb as a bag of chipped rocks.
I hope you had a great Valentine’s day. I wrote my wife a note that said her butt was nice. You don’t have to do much when you are over a decade in. Remember, it’s the little things that stick.
