I am not okay with this (episode 7) Television 

Five Thoughts on I Am Not Okay with This’s “Deepest, Darkest Secret”

By | April 16th, 2020
Posted in Television | % Comments

Hello and welcome to Multiversity Comics’ weekly review of I Am Not Okay with This, the coming-of-age Netflix original series co-created Jonathan Entwistle and Christy Hall, based on the graphic novel of the same name by Charles Forsman. This week, we look at episode 7, the season finale, “Deepest, Darkest Secret.” As always, our freewheeling discussion touches on everything from characterization and acting to the soundtrack and script. Accordingly, please be warned, there may be occasional spoilers.

1. Questions, Questions, Questions

As the season finale begins, there are many unanswered questions on a whole host of topics. The first and most obvious subject is the nature of Syd’s bloody dress. The opening sequence of the first episode showed Syd walking alone at night down the middle of an empty street, her face and dress drenched in blood.

The second episode began almost exactly the same way. This time, however, Syd ran, the sound of a distant siren quickly approaching. After a moment, a cop car in the background turned onto the empty street, its red lights flashing as it sped the opposite way, presumably toward where everything just went down.

These images of Syd, all alone and fleeing in her bloody dress, are as unforgettable as they are apocalyptic, informing everything we’ve seen since. More importantly, it quickly became clear those scenes flash forward in time. Everything in the story is building to that point, showing us how Syd gets there. Without question we’ve seen some definite hints and clues – and there are plenty of working theories – but none of it feels particularly certain, much less inevitable.

Serious questions remain. Exactly whose blood is it? Does Syd act in self defense, or does she simply lash out? Is there a weapon involved? With Maggie’s grim but vague anecdote about Syd’s father still fresh in our minds, we can’t even be sure anyone else involved actually survives. How crazy is this going to get…?

Strap in. Buckle up. This is what you came for.

2. Little Miss Sunshine

Whether despite or because of the ominous revelation in the last episode that Syd is “just like her father,” she tells her missing diary – and the audience by extension – that she’s made the decision to not let it get her down. Instead, she makes pancakes for breakfast, patches things up with her brother, smiles as she walks down the hall, actively participates in gym class for once, and apologizes to Dina, who ends up asking Syd to accompany her to the homecoming dance.

Wow. Talk about a 180. It’s barely five minutes of screen time and suddenly all is right with the world. Pretty sure Syd smiles more in the first half of this episode than she does throughout the rest of the series combined. The weight of the world has been lifted off her weary shoulders. Which can only mean one thing: shit’s gonna hit the fan.

3. But First, Turn Up the Music

Frankly, one of the major things that made the previous two episodes feel a bit lackluster was the sudden, conspicuous absence of the show’s typically eclectic, well curated soundtrack. In the first half of the series, the song selections were great – unpredictable, edgy, and almost always on point. In episodes five and six, that alchemy all but vanished. I have no idea if the decision was artistic or purely budgetary, but either way, those episodes suffered as a result. Thankfully, the finale avoids this fate.

Right off the bat we get a fairly straightforward, slightly downtempo cover of neo-psychedelic folk icon Donovan’s “Sunshine Superman.” Granted, it’s a somewhat literal choice, but Mike Vickers’s version is quirky enough to pull it off, effectively setting the tone for the scenes that follow.

Meshing seamlessly with the sunny, everything’s-coming-up-roses vibe is the Pixies’ “Here Comes Your Man,” probably the most un-Pixies-like song in their discography. Truthfully, this is the kind of potentially literal, “hit them over the head” song that could be a debacle when paired with a lesser scene. In this case, it works beautifully with the “Getting Ready for the Big Dance” montage, deftly straddling the line between the characters’ newfound optimism and the audience’s implicit knowledge that things will not end well.

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The garage rock flavored banger “Tied Up” by Paddy the Wanderer, on the other hand, gives Brad Cooper’s scene a delightfully ominous, foreboding edge. Like the track itself, the scene is short, energetic and punchy, unambiguously shifting gears while foreshadowing the inevitable showdown.

Back in the gym, Dina and Syd make their entrance – in slow motion, of course – to the soaring 80s Britpop gem “Somewhere in My Heart” by Aztec Camera, sharing a glance and a laugh as Roddy Frame sings, “Who cares what people say/We walk down love’s motorway.” The song and the lyrics underscore the mood perfectly, allowing Sofia Bryant (Dina) and Sophia Lillis (Syd) to show us their giddy, I-can’t-believe-we’re-actually-doing-this attitude without a single line of dialogue.

Capping off this brilliant four-song sequence is “More Than This” by Roxy Music, a song that feels inevitable by the time we finally hear it. Not only does the song work flawlessly under the heartfelt scene between Syd and Stanley, I guarantee Stan owns the album. It’s also a nice, funny touch that by the time Roxette’s weirdly appropriate yet out of place mega-ballad “It Must Have Been Love” starts to play, Stanley feels compelled to speak to the DJ “on principle” because “the playlist is all over the map.” Stan might not get the girl, but he sure as hell won’t surrender his role as tastemaker.

4. The Semi-Predictable Geometry of Unrequited Love

I’m not going to pretend that I somehow knew what kind of form the Syd-Dina-Stanley love triangle would eventually take, but by the time we get there, it feels like we saw it coming, even if we didn’t. I mean, they’re teenagers, they’re going to do what they’re going to do. The way Syd’s been crushing on Dina, it seems clear she won’t let it go, regardless of signals or outcome. Similarly, though Stanley is hopelessly lovestruck and enamored with Syd, we knew he would relent with inimitable style and grace when needed.

Dina, of course, is the wildcard and I honestly can’t say I ever had a handle on what she might do. For most of the series she was clearly way more interested in Brad than anyone else, to the point of remaining oblivious to Syd and her feelings and being a crappy friend. Admittedly, I’m sure I’ve been there myself, but eventually you just kind of wanted to grab Syd by the shoulders, demand her attention and ask, “What the hell do you see in Dina?”

In the end, Dina’s dance floor confession feels narratively pragmatic, but a little unconvincing. To be clear, the scene itself is rock solid – well written, well acted, well staged – but contextually ungrounded and therefore somewhat out of the blue. Dina largely spent her screen-time pursuing and even fawning over “Big Man on Campus” Brad. If she ever grappled with her romantic feelings for Syd, it must have happened offstage, because we didn’t see it.

Bottom line: Dina’s apparently spontaneous change of heart can be a surprise to one or both of the girls, but the audience should have at least an inkling of that potential outcome. At the moment it feels like both Dina and Syd are totally okay going with the flow, even if that means Dina ended up with someone who’s not her top choice. In that sense, I suppose, it’s not unrealistic – teenagers tend to couple up with who’s available – but it’s not authentically rooted in the story as we understand it.

5. The Finale of the Finale

In the fifth episode, there was a particularly impactful piece of filmmaking that’s stuck with me since I first saw it. Brad and Jenny Tuffield are talking in the locker room when Syd wanders in and inadvertently hears everything. Brad desperately tries to convince Syd to keep quiet, but then Dina enters. The scene is tense, but restrained, quickly escalating to the inevitable boiling point. Suddenly, Syd is forced to choose between revealing the truth or being crushed by Brad. After a long awkward silence in which we see each of the characters internally grappling with their own emotions, the scene suddenly cuts away, jumping forward past Syd’s actual confession. Instead of seeing and hearing Syd’s actual words, which at this point are unimportant, we cut to their ramifications – a far more interesting subject. It was startling, refreshing, clever and unexpectedly satisfying.

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After sitting through the “mind blowing” climactic scene I found myself wishing the filmmakers had used a similar less-is-more strategy. Ironically, I’d come to the episode brimming with questions about how everything went down. By the time Bradley Lewis finally storms the stage to wrest the microphone away from the Homecoming King, however, the more important question is why. But even that we already know: because Bradly Lewis is a vindictive, shallow, selfish prick. All of that, in turn, turns our attention to the most important question in all serialized fiction: what happens next…?

Honestly, I’m sure if we hadn’t seen Bradley Lewis get his bloody comeuppance on screen, I’d surely be howling that the filmmakers failed to deliver the one thing we’d been anticipating for the previous six episodes. Still, everything that happens in the wake of that moment is far more important – and far more interesting – than the moment itself. Especially the reactions of the show’s three major characters. Dina instinctively moves toward Brad, dropping to her knees as though trying to comfort him. Syd turns and walks away, her wide, unblinking eyes overwhelmed by shock and disbelief. And Stanley slowly lifts himself up off the floor, not really comprehending whatever just happened, his attention immediately drawn to Syd’s diary which suddenly disappears in the chaos.

The final minute is a brilliant bookend to the series and fantastic cliffhanger. They should be afraid. Let’s begin.

Fate, Up Against Your Will

With Echo & the Bunnymen’s hauntingly beautiful goth ballad “The Killing Moon” already inextricably bound to the cult film Donnie Darko, it’s kind of crazy and pretty ballsy to even consider the song a viable soundtrack option. Thankfully, the filmmaker’s said, “Screw that.” It works way better here, delivering a bold, poignant needle drop moment for a new generation of fans. I guess songwriter/vocalist Ian McCulloch was right when he said, “It’s more than just a song, it’s about everything in life.” Enjoy the royalties, you immodest bastard.


//TAGS | I am not okay with this

John Schaidler

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