Oof. Well, I still really love “Locke & Key.” The comic I mean. It’s one of my all-time favorites. The TV show adaptation though: It is not good! So while I want to celebrate the admirable work done by all the talented people who are acting in and designing this incredible world, I cannot pretend that my feelings for the show as a whole are anything less than loathing. But here we are, discussing Locke & Key episode six, “The Black Door.” Ready?
1. It means born by night
Detective Daniel Matuku is here!
I’m such a sucker. Even though I know I don’t like this show, I get excited when I see a recognizable character. So I’m the real idiot here. Now that Joe Ridgeway has been murd- um, officially declared a suicide, we meet the one cop who notices the pattern of weirdness in Matheson. Well actually, he does the opposite here, but I am optimistic. What can I say? Actor Martin Roach has really soulful eyes. (And I loved him as Admiral Souther on The Expanse).
We also have non-movement on the Ellie-is-a-murderer front. Nina just flat out accuses her of doing the murder- correctly I may add- but then immediately buckles when Ellie is like, “Nuh uh!” Nina is working at a tremendous disadvantage so I’ll try not to hold her sub par follow-through against her, but it’s hard not to feel like this plot is just spinning its wheels.
2. Shipping up to Boston
Okay, but seriously: why doesn’t Duncan just live with them? It wouldn’t be hard to justify. He’s going back to Boston! Again! Duncan is probably my favorite character in the comic, and Aaron Ashmore is probably my favorite actor in this cast, but he’s been reduced to a nothing part. But the constant driving back and forth is starting to become a running joke for me. Take a drink every time Duncan says “Boston!”
And then there is Tyler, who continues to be a drip and a bore. Tyler is dealing with that thing that all teens go through when they find a memory bottle in a graveyard that definitely proves that their parent did a murder. I can justify some reason for this plot to exist. Maybe Tyler has an easier time coping with his dad’s death if he was also a murderer? Maybe Tyler is trying to understand his own tendancy towards violence? We can No Prize this people! But the show does not do the work, and that’s not OK.
And then… Tyler ghosts Jackie. I am officially done with this wad. The TV version of Tyler is an irredeemable asshole. His mom turns to him for support and he ignores her. His sister looks to him for friendship and he becomes a paternalistic nightmare. His brother comes to him for leadership and he condescendingly ignores him. And now Tyler is tanking the one sort of pleasant relationship he’s had in the whole show.
Connor Jessup sometimes does this thing where he delivers the terrible dialogue like it’s real flirting and tries to sell it. I guess it’s cute. Dodge, the evil Well Lady haunting his family comes to hit on him at the mid-day rager, so he tries to play along. He tells her, “My body is a temple” to justify his vodka and kool-aid cocktail, and the way he says it, you get that it’s supposed to be cute even though it’s weird nonsense. Oh and now that I think about it for a second, Tyler knows the evil hot Well Lady is a thing! SMH. He’s a drip and a bore and a goddamn idiot.
3. Why do they call them the Drowning Caves?
Ugh, Gabe. I’m just mad that Gabe is still here. But um…
The Drowning Caves look great! They are believably a place in New England, and also eldritch AF. The Omega Door is just *chef’s kiss*. Hats off to the incredible production team!
But Kinsey fails at even basic magic protocol. When you see the most haunted-ass door in the universe, your first instinct is to yank on it for five minutes? Folks, I truly, deeply love these characters from the bottom of my heart, but I’m starting to root for their demise. They truly are all stupid and mean and deserve the wrath of Shub-Nigurath or whatever eldritch being is haunting their beautiful stinking town.
Continued belowExcept for poor Scot. My dude knows a bad idea when he hears one, and is constantly the voice of reason even though you know that exploring a haunted cave is the kind of thing he lives for. But he is the only character in the entire episode, serious the only one, to consistently display good judgment. Scot wins the “Least An Idiot” award.
Also time for our weekly Not As Good As the Comic disappointment: In the comics, the incident in the Drowning Caves is what brings Kinsey and her friends closer together, It’s their trial-by-water. Here it breaks them up, and I didn’t even believe in them very much as a group in the first place. Well it brings a couple of them closer together: Kinsey kisses Gabe.
Ugh, Gabe!
4. Perhaps this is a Narnia situation
Bike Helmet Bode got his hands on a Key. It opens a cupboard. I keep going back and forth on whether his line is actually well written or just well delivered but, “Perhaps, this is a Narnia Situation,” did get me to laugh. Bode was in this episode, he talked to Dodge and frets over Kinsey, but he doesn’t really do much. We don’t find out what the Cupboard Key does, though I’ve got comic book suspicions, but I’ll keep them to myself for now. Anyway, that’s Bode this week!
5. Burn! It! Down!
We also very briefly check in with Sam Lesser. He has just been in jail for two entire episodes? I guess? Netflix pacing! I guess I am trying to have it both ways, because not checking in with his story in a few episodes has confused me, but I’m mad that we are including Bode and Duncan and Nina and not advancing their stories at all. I guess the solution is… write a better show? Include all your characters in all your episodes and give them something worthwhile to do? I know I am asking for a lot. In the very least, the flame effects in the prison break scene were actually really cool.
But then… it seems like Sam has walked from Seattle to Matheson in the span of a day. Unless… maybe there’s timeline buffoonery happening like in The Witcher? Or… Anywhere Key? It’s not essential, but that is what I was left thinking about as the credits rolled. It goes to show. There’s an important principle that comes up all the time when you are watching stuff you aren’t enjoying. If you are having fun, you let the insignificant stuff slide, but if you are not having fun it becomes all-consuming. I love The Avengers movie so I don’t question how all the characters can talk to each other from blocks away in the final battle, even though some of them are clearly not wearing earpieces. Nanomachines or something, right!? But I’m not sincerely invested in the citizens of Matheson and so, all those little holes get blown out of proportion. There’s a solution though. Right a better show!
Next week oughta be exciting right? Sam Lesser is on the loose! I will see you then!
