I’d hoped that since Legends of Tomorrow season 5 had finished filming last year, its distinctive brand of lunacy would help tide us over during this pandemic, but unfortunately the second half of the season was delayed instead. But it’s here now, and “Zari, Not Zari” is an effective start to a now Ray Palmer-less show, introducing its deadliest villain yet — and kills off the crew of Supernatural while it’s at it.
1. Charlie’s Sisters Mean Business
The episode introduces Atropos (played by Scottish actress Joanna Vanderham) — the Fate who would cut the threads of mortal lives — and reveals Astra’s mentor (Sarah Strange) is Lachesis, the mastermind. Appropriately for the one who ends life, Atropos is a formidable shapeshifter who cuts through her victims mercilessly with daggers drawn from her own bones (how primeval), and can unleash her true form to burn them from the inside. Constantine’s only able to survive his encounter with her by using “the forest [as an] apothecary,” while Sara is blasted by Atropos’s real face, but she recovers for reasons that’ll undoubtedly be revealed later.
Atropos’s not impressed by her sister’s decision to destroy the Loom of Fate and give us free will, given how we’ve squandered it creating things like “systematic incarceration” (she’s got a point as all good villains do), but she’d clearly kill us all if she could. (She also mocks Charlie for becoming trapped in a mortal form.) Gotta say, it was pretty satisfying to see Charlie stand up to her bully of a sister by cutting her hand off, and then Sara flush her out the Waverider‘s airlock Alien-style — she’s the real big sister Charlie deserves.
2. Parenting the Easy Way
Speaking of being a big sis, Ava helps Mick with his unsuccessful attempts to bond with his daughter Lita, by suggesting he simply use time travel to visit her while she was growing up. Ava poses as his corrections officer, taking photos of them as they walk in and out of her life: it’s an adorable sequence, especially when we see Lita dress up as Captain Cold for Halloween, and Ava trying to unsuccessfully high five Mick after they send her off to a homecoming dance. (Ali realizing they broke into her house to build a crib while she was giving birth was also brilliant.)
Unfortunately it backfires when they check in on her in 2020, as Lita’s learned her father was “released” from prison in 2015, and she now believes that every subsequent visit was followed by him “bailing” on her. She explains she didn’t go to the homecoming, as she went back home to say goodbye to him, but he’d already disappeared. Mick and Ava realize he should just do the hardest thing, which is to simply apologize for being a mediocre father. Just, aw — now let’s hope see how long it is before she learns he’s a Legend.
3. How’s That for a Supernatural Crossover?
Constantine takes the jump ship to find the next piece of the Loom in the forests of British Columbia, and Sara and Charlie quickly follow. They soon see a sign stating there’s filming in progress for Supernatural, and Sara gets pretty fangirly, while Charlie has absolutely no clue what she’s on about. A lot of great gags ensue: Sara states Jensen Ackles is her “hall pass” ie. the one person Ava will let her cheat with, then they find the Winchester car the Impala with a zombie prop in the trunk, and lastly — and most brazenly — the jump ship explodes, killing the crew. Sara whines, “Wait, if they’re all dead who’s shooting season 15?!”
That’s the least of her worries though, as the Loom piece’s presence causes the crew to become actual zombies. Somehow, Sara is able to use the weapon props to deadly effect, making sure they stay dead. As barmy as this show is, I don’t think they’d ever go as far as kill off real people who are likely/hopefully self-isolating safe and sound at home — this is certainly not how I expect anyone ever imagined a Legends/Supernatural crossover unfolding either.
4. Zari’s Baptism of Fire
The episode’s title character finds herself haunted by her original timeline self the longer she spends on the Waverider, waking up to find that she sleepwalked into Nate’s bed, and that — I couldn’t make it up — she hacked Gideon to install a sleep mode to shut her up while doing so. Feeling flustered, she participates with her brother in a video game fight, which she somehow wins, and then she realizes she can also use Behrad’s Air Totem.
Continued belowThat leads to Behrad and Nate, incorrectly but sweetly, deducing her original self shared the Air Totem with her brother, making them shout “Wonder Twins!” Since she wants to start over with a less shallow life, they decide she could go on a vision quest into the totem and speak to her ancestors, and she does that, but the totem bearer she encounters is the Zari of season 3 and 4. After a lovely conversation where they share donuts, and she learns of her brother’s death in the original timeline, new Zari departs, but promises to return with him next time.
Tragedy strikes while she’s in the totem though: Behrad is killed stopping Atropos from taking the pieces of the Loom on the Waverider. It’s an dreadful moment — Atropos pulls and cuts the thread from his soul, and taunts him over his life being the result of time travel. When Zari awakes and discovers what happened, she weeps for hours, something beautifully conveyed by Sara and Ava, who are trying to comfort her, vanishing. I took to Behrad instantly, so I definitely share Zari’s pain at how cruelly he’s been snatched away.
Afterwards, Zari finds Constantine recovering in the ship’s medical bay, and makes him vow to fix this, blaming Behrad’s death on his decision to find the Loom — I got chills when I heard her tone of voice become the lower, more commanding one of her old self. Hopefully, it’ll all be ok soon for her, Astra, and anyone else whose lives Charlie’s sisters have ruined.
5. Justice League Dark
It’d be remiss of me to not mention the news J.J. Abrams is developing a Justice League Dark series for HBO Max, so, while there’s every chance that show might not materialize, let’s not bury our heads in the sand: whether or not he’s played by Matt Ryan again, Constantine is going to get poached by the bigger budget series.
Legends has also basically been a Justice League Dark show for a few years now, given its focus on the supernatural, so a bona fide version will force it to compete for real estate in the source material, and a change in themes will be necessary. But Legends began as a serious time travel show before becoming a horror comedy, and I have faith in the writers to pull off another successful transition: ultimately, all we can do is what we’ve been doing a lot lately — wait and see.
Bonus thoughts:
– So if Behrad’s dead Ray and Nora’s gotta come back right? (Reality vs. fiction, sigh.)
– Always lovely to see Cat Zari again.
– Tupac hologram forever!
– Somehow, Constantine always finds time to taste blood.
– “Nate is just a sucker for doomed romances.”
See you all next week for “The Great British Fake Off.” In the meantime, check out Twin Turbo, a kick-ass (NSFW, but then it’s not like this show isn’t quite violent either) short film starring Maisie Richardson-Sellers and directed by Caity Lotz, which she released over the break:
P.S. I learned over the break that Caity Lotz was a pop star as well as a dancer, so get ready for some Soccx references soon!
