Put on your finest wig and get the hell outta the petting zoo- it’s time for some more Preacher y’all! Here we are once again, barreling through season three. Nice to have you with me. In a world where god is a dalmatian man and the messiah is an inbred idiot, it’s good to have a pal to share some laughs with. This season is shaping up to be a hell of a thing and I’m with ya ’til the end of the world dear reader. The end of the world. Let’s see what’s in store for us in season three, episode six, “Les Enfats du Sang.” Last week was rough, but I’m sure nothing bad will happen this week.
1. Adopting Arseface
He’s been in the credits since episode one, but this marks our first sighting of Eugene Root and despite his hideous visage, it’s good to have him back. After escaping Hell, Eugene has rather unexpectedly ended up in a Texas orphanage. He returns to the crater that once was Anville (wow that was a long time ago) and chats with the other orphan kids. Before the credits roll, he’s been adopted… sort of.
That’s because his new daddy is none other than the Saint of Killers. He’s predictably put out by this, but he loses none of his optimism. It’s actually really refreshing. Here’s a boy who believes that God has a plan for him and is too naive to grovel before the Saint. His stupidity turns into a really sweet form of bravery.
2. Humper-doo-doo
I don’t know how I missed it, but not only has Herr Starr been wearing a new hat every time he shows up, his minions have been pointing it out. That’s because much like in the comics, his bald head has been scarred in such a way that he looks an awful lot like male genitalia, a fact which is pointed out by the All-Father who has somehow squeezed himself into Starr’s office chair.
The All-Father has a menacing speech about the Knights Templar. They loved their horses, so much that when their horses needed to be put down, they would be eaten. It’s framed like a threat, but ultimately leads to the All-Father and Starr sharing a meal of horse, which is gross. Oh, also the All-Father is bulimic much as he is in the comic, which is also extremely gross to see on screen.
3. Robbing the soul bank
Gran’ma is still hurt, and when she’s feeling under the weather, she needs some souls. That means it’s heist time. Yay! I love heists!
Ultimately, this ends up going more through the trappings of a heist than the actual mechanics. Tulip puts on an unlikely blonde wig to scout out the joint, and learns about the spit powered lock. TC creates a diversion by going to a petting zoo, which instantly gets all the cops to drop what they’re doing to apprehend him (he’s done this before you see). The music is funky and it’s fun to see Jesse and Tulip play to their strengths, but it’s not much of a heist. No clever twists, no specialized roles, just TC’s censored dong waving in the wind as he liberates a goat.
4. Legacy of Boyd: Soul Reaver
There’s also a diversion where Jesse fakes Tulip and Gran’ma’s deaths to trick Madame Boyd into… meeting him at a bar. Jesse’s plans have been really weak this season. He flirts with Boyd and… you know what? Most of what he did didn’t make sense until the end.
Cut to Jody and TC setting up the soul harvesting machine. We’re led to believe it’s Tulip in the chair, but nope, it’s Boyd. She seemed like a worthy addition to the cast, so it’s a bummer to dispose of her so brutally and so quickly. Not wanting her to linger in the Tombs, Jesse shoots her in the damn face. It’s quick, it’s violent, and it’s a bit of nonsense so I am glad it’s over.
5. What music they make
Cassidy finds himself in a mother-loving mother’s basement. The vampire cult that liberated him is a bunch of losers, but the Anne Rice wannabe who runs the cult well, he swallows an owl whole to prove his vampire bonafides. Yeah, that’ll do it.
The vampire, who’s name is Eccarius (obviously) is a whack job, but he’s having a great time being a vampire. He’s got his minions, he can fly, he’s got no problems seducing hot chicks and their dads within minutes of each other, he’s a more powerful and libertine version of Cass. He can’t turn invisible though. No one can turn invisible. He can however turn into a cat, so that’s something.
And he just wants a friend, which is sweet I guess. The episode ends with Cassidy returning to him, presumably out of boredom? We know it can’t last, but at least Cassidy has found a worthy and wacky adventure.
